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Question on Grief
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 89977" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You never get over something like this. The dates always will be like this for you. I saw this with my mother, I see it with my mother in law, I see it even with me in some areas.</p><p>But it does change a bit, as you've already seen.</p><p></p><p>That said, you are pushing it back down when it comes to the surface, so you aren't dealing with it efficiently. Also, your recall of the events sounds like it's still too traumatic and so you are still deadening it in your mind. So yes, to a certain extent some of it is still alive, but the question is, is this causing you problems? Are you functioning, or is this really interfering with your ability to cope in your daily tasks?</p><p></p><p>At some stage you have to face what happened and come to terms with it. Every time the pain surfaces, your mind is giving you another opportunity. "Are we ready NOW?" it's asking. It will go on doing this until it has been dealt with to the best of your ability.</p><p></p><p>I know I never fully dealt with my pain (which is probably nothing compared to yours; but it is wrong to compare). I tried to get help sooner but it just didn't come together when I needed it. The psychiatrist I was referred to turned out to be useless. Eight years later other problems caused the pain and memories to surface again and this time I was ready to pounce on the pain and got good help, fast.</p><p></p><p>Each time, you may not get to deal with all of it, but if you 'pounce' as I did, when the opportunity arises, then slowly you will deal with it faster than if you keep pushing it back down.</p><p></p><p>Only you can choose the opportunity and make the best use of it you can.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 89977, member: 1991"] You never get over something like this. The dates always will be like this for you. I saw this with my mother, I see it with my mother in law, I see it even with me in some areas. But it does change a bit, as you've already seen. That said, you are pushing it back down when it comes to the surface, so you aren't dealing with it efficiently. Also, your recall of the events sounds like it's still too traumatic and so you are still deadening it in your mind. So yes, to a certain extent some of it is still alive, but the question is, is this causing you problems? Are you functioning, or is this really interfering with your ability to cope in your daily tasks? At some stage you have to face what happened and come to terms with it. Every time the pain surfaces, your mind is giving you another opportunity. "Are we ready NOW?" it's asking. It will go on doing this until it has been dealt with to the best of your ability. I know I never fully dealt with my pain (which is probably nothing compared to yours; but it is wrong to compare). I tried to get help sooner but it just didn't come together when I needed it. The psychiatrist I was referred to turned out to be useless. Eight years later other problems caused the pain and memories to surface again and this time I was ready to pounce on the pain and got good help, fast. Each time, you may not get to deal with all of it, but if you 'pounce' as I did, when the opportunity arises, then slowly you will deal with it faster than if you keep pushing it back down. Only you can choose the opportunity and make the best use of it you can. Marg [/QUOTE]
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