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Question on Grief
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 90006" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Nobody can take the pain away but they can help you move past the worst of the pain so you can get back in touch with the good things you need to also be able to remember. Also, you need to realise that part of you may be wanting to hang on to the pain because without it you fear you will be a traitor to his memory. But he would want you to remember the happy times, the laughter, the games and the joy. Grief that holds you back interferes with the good memories.</p><p></p><p>The pain and grief will always be there, a little. But the pain does ease and change. It's like a war wound - horrendously painful when fresh, absolutely agonising. If surgeons need to operate there is often fresh pain as wounds are opened, cleaned and re-sutured for better healing. If it heals wrong or is infected, it can even hurt more, if infection really sets in. An infected wound needs to be drained, maybe treated with antibiotics or other medication until the infection is under control, then it can at last begin to heal correctly. </p><p>And as it heals, the pain changes from deep, intense burning to an ache, and then a twinge. If you bump the wound before it's fully healed it may open again, or hurt as badly as it did in the beginning, but the pain eases very quickly now.</p><p>The pain may never completely go away - perhaps in wet or cold weather you will feel a twinge of an ache in the wound. You will have a scar which may be smaller depending on the skill of the doctors and your own ability to heal well. But when you are sufficiently healed you will be able to go back to your job, to your life, and function to the best of your ability. Or if the injury has left you handicapped to a certain extent, you will still reach a point where things are stable and you can find a place for yourself to enjoy life, despite all that has happened.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 90006, member: 1991"] Nobody can take the pain away but they can help you move past the worst of the pain so you can get back in touch with the good things you need to also be able to remember. Also, you need to realise that part of you may be wanting to hang on to the pain because without it you fear you will be a traitor to his memory. But he would want you to remember the happy times, the laughter, the games and the joy. Grief that holds you back interferes with the good memories. The pain and grief will always be there, a little. But the pain does ease and change. It's like a war wound - horrendously painful when fresh, absolutely agonising. If surgeons need to operate there is often fresh pain as wounds are opened, cleaned and re-sutured for better healing. If it heals wrong or is infected, it can even hurt more, if infection really sets in. An infected wound needs to be drained, maybe treated with antibiotics or other medication until the infection is under control, then it can at last begin to heal correctly. And as it heals, the pain changes from deep, intense burning to an ache, and then a twinge. If you bump the wound before it's fully healed it may open again, or hurt as badly as it did in the beginning, but the pain eases very quickly now. The pain may never completely go away - perhaps in wet or cold weather you will feel a twinge of an ache in the wound. You will have a scar which may be smaller depending on the skill of the doctors and your own ability to heal well. But when you are sufficiently healed you will be able to go back to your job, to your life, and function to the best of your ability. Or if the injury has left you handicapped to a certain extent, you will still reach a point where things are stable and you can find a place for yourself to enjoy life, despite all that has happened. Marg [/QUOTE]
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