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Question on Grief
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 90060" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>I don't think one will ever get over such a life altering event. Not only were you exposed to horrendous violence but it wasn't a stranger. It was your spouse. There is no getting back to life as you knew it. Nothing was ever going to be the same as before the murder.</p><p> You may be a bit more capable of keeping a lid on it but I think the rage and grief is sort of there. It gets compartmenatlized in order for you to function and move forward. When the time comes for you to pull it out to deal with it, you will. Time makes it less raw. If your in laws and you struggle, then that's what it is. Neither of you <em>have</em> to get past it unless you both are ready. </p><p> I'm not a big fan of talk therapy unless there is a point to it. Do you feel like you need to deal with something? Sometimes you are just tired. I would imagine every aspect of every day is somehow under the shadow of that terrible event. It's just a bit colored by that loss. With time the color is lighter and less obvious but I can't imagine it ever goes away. </p><p></p><p> Give it a try. If it seems like an exercise in opening a wound that you prefer to not reopen then stop. It doesn't always serve a purpose other than shutting the healthy part of one's life down. Sometimes it gets unleashed because of events that are unavoidable. They are no better judge of what is healthiest for you than you are. On the other hand, tell yourself the truth. When you feel like you need help then go for it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 90060, member: 3"] I don't think one will ever get over such a life altering event. Not only were you exposed to horrendous violence but it wasn't a stranger. It was your spouse. There is no getting back to life as you knew it. Nothing was ever going to be the same as before the murder. You may be a bit more capable of keeping a lid on it but I think the rage and grief is sort of there. It gets compartmenatlized in order for you to function and move forward. When the time comes for you to pull it out to deal with it, you will. Time makes it less raw. If your in laws and you struggle, then that's what it is. Neither of you [i]have[/i] to get past it unless you both are ready. I'm not a big fan of talk therapy unless there is a point to it. Do you feel like you need to deal with something? Sometimes you are just tired. I would imagine every aspect of every day is somehow under the shadow of that terrible event. It's just a bit colored by that loss. With time the color is lighter and less obvious but I can't imagine it ever goes away. Give it a try. If it seems like an exercise in opening a wound that you prefer to not reopen then stop. It doesn't always serve a purpose other than shutting the healthy part of one's life down. Sometimes it gets unleashed because of events that are unavoidable. They are no better judge of what is healthiest for you than you are. On the other hand, tell yourself the truth. When you feel like you need help then go for it. [/QUOTE]
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