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Question - What has helped your family?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 313840" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Families are so different, difficult child's are so different that it's difficult to go in one direction. </p><p>There is no information about your situation and difficult child so it's hard to address this topic. </p><p></p><p>In our case, knowing that difficult child wasn't just being willful or lazy helped us to not do the blame game. It wasn't an advesarial type relationship. We didn't have the loss of trust due to difficult child's behavior. He didn't steal or lie or do malicious things. </p><p></p><p>-Educating ourselves was probably the No. 1 help to our family. </p><p>-Assuming responsibility for our child regardless of the behavior(no blame game on schools, teachers, health care professionals,family, genetics) </p><p>-Remembering that we loved this child. He wasn't just a bunch of diagnosis' and difficult behaviors. He was a person and he had a soul. </p><p>-Tag team parenting. Realizing when our tolerance was stretched thin, admitting it and getting help. </p><p>-Forgiving myself for making a mistake. Correcting it, after apologizing. Forgiving my husband and/or difficult child for being human and making a mistake.</p><p>-A huge sense of humor was like balm on a burn. It was a survival tool of utmost importance. </p><p>-Allowing myself to step back and separate difficult child;s behavior from me or my family. </p><p>-Throwing shame out the window. No pretending that we were a perfect family. No excuses for being less than perfect. </p><p>-As with any conflict asking myself "who does it serve?"</p><p>-Using problem solving plans, we instituted new steps, evaluated the results then threw out or kept them in place. </p><p></p><p>As you can see, over the years what helps us cope changes. </p><p>At 13, there seemed to be nothing more we could do but a merry go round of hospital, home, school, hospital, home school so we sent him to a boarding school. It gave us time to regroup and heal. It stopped difficult child's very quick slide down into a black abyss. It gave us time to parent easy child and to be a family without daily crisis. </p><p>At 25, he still has issues but is a completely decent human being who is trying to find his spot in this world. </p><p></p><p>Specifics as far as MHP, boundaries are all individual to families. The level of function is specific for families also.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 313840, member: 3"] Families are so different, difficult child's are so different that it's difficult to go in one direction. There is no information about your situation and difficult child so it's hard to address this topic. In our case, knowing that difficult child wasn't just being willful or lazy helped us to not do the blame game. It wasn't an advesarial type relationship. We didn't have the loss of trust due to difficult child's behavior. He didn't steal or lie or do malicious things. -Educating ourselves was probably the No. 1 help to our family. -Assuming responsibility for our child regardless of the behavior(no blame game on schools, teachers, health care professionals,family, genetics) -Remembering that we loved this child. He wasn't just a bunch of diagnosis' and difficult behaviors. He was a person and he had a soul. -Tag team parenting. Realizing when our tolerance was stretched thin, admitting it and getting help. -Forgiving myself for making a mistake. Correcting it, after apologizing. Forgiving my husband and/or difficult child for being human and making a mistake. -A huge sense of humor was like balm on a burn. It was a survival tool of utmost importance. -Allowing myself to step back and separate difficult child;s behavior from me or my family. -Throwing shame out the window. No pretending that we were a perfect family. No excuses for being less than perfect. -As with any conflict asking myself "who does it serve?" -Using problem solving plans, we instituted new steps, evaluated the results then threw out or kept them in place. As you can see, over the years what helps us cope changes. At 13, there seemed to be nothing more we could do but a merry go round of hospital, home, school, hospital, home school so we sent him to a boarding school. It gave us time to regroup and heal. It stopped difficult child's very quick slide down into a black abyss. It gave us time to parent easy child and to be a family without daily crisis. At 25, he still has issues but is a completely decent human being who is trying to find his spot in this world. Specifics as far as MHP, boundaries are all individual to families. The level of function is specific for families also. [/QUOTE]
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