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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 674524" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>You people rock! I love this thread.</p><p></p><p>So.....taking it all in....it seems that we get:</p><p></p><p>guilty/sad/scared/crazy/thinkingtoomuch/feelingtoomuch/wantingtofix/confused/upset/griefstricken...</p><p></p><p>in other words, all twisted up...</p><p></p><p><em><u><strong>when we see them.</strong></u></em></p><p><em><u><strong></strong></u></em></p><p><em><u><strong>And especially when they come to our houses.</strong></u></em></p><p><em><u><strong></strong></u></em></p><p><em><u><strong>And especially when they spend some time/a lot of time at our houses.</strong></u></em></p><p><em><u><strong></strong></u></em></p><p>So let's guard ourselves against this. Let's be very very careful when we begin any interaction with these people-who-we-love-so-much-that-we-give-our-power-away. </p><p></p><p>Let's THINK before we let them in again. Instead, we can say, when they show up/call/text/message:</p><p></p><p>1. I'm sorry, we can't do this today. Let's go out for lunch/breakfast/dinner/snack right now (get them out of our house and onto neutral turf with a defined ending of time together).</p><p>2. Let the call go to VM. Call back on OUR TIMELINE.</p><p>3. Schedule visits as we want to, i.e., once a week, once every two weeks, once every three weeks, etc., i.e., Honey let's get together for lunch in two weeks on Friday at noon at wherever. </p><p>4. Say I don't want to text about this. If you want to call me tomorrow about 10 a.m. we can talk about it then. And then don't text back.</p><p>5. Etc. You get the picture.</p><p>6. This way, we don't have to know all of the details, hear it all, the ins and outs, and then get engaged! I don't want to know about his rent, his landlord, his car gas, his commute to work, his lack of insurance, how mad he is because he can't get a doctor appointment today, his side hurts....blah blah blah. I don't want to know. I really don't.</p><p></p><p>After my latest with Difficult Child, I am all about this. I have been relishing my own peace for the past 8 days of no interaction with him. It has been GREAT! </p><p></p><p>I want peace. I want to love him. I want to accept him. I don't want my stomach in a knot. </p><p></p><p>The way to get all of that, for me, is lots of boundaries. Me deciding where, when, how and for how long.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 674524, member: 17542"] You people rock! I love this thread. So.....taking it all in....it seems that we get: guilty/sad/scared/crazy/thinkingtoomuch/feelingtoomuch/wantingtofix/confused/upset/griefstricken... in other words, all twisted up... [I][U][B]when we see them. And especially when they come to our houses. And especially when they spend some time/a lot of time at our houses. [/B][/U][/I] So let's guard ourselves against this. Let's be very very careful when we begin any interaction with these people-who-we-love-so-much-that-we-give-our-power-away. Let's THINK before we let them in again. Instead, we can say, when they show up/call/text/message: 1. I'm sorry, we can't do this today. Let's go out for lunch/breakfast/dinner/snack right now (get them out of our house and onto neutral turf with a defined ending of time together). 2. Let the call go to VM. Call back on OUR TIMELINE. 3. Schedule visits as we want to, i.e., once a week, once every two weeks, once every three weeks, etc., i.e., Honey let's get together for lunch in two weeks on Friday at noon at wherever. 4. Say I don't want to text about this. If you want to call me tomorrow about 10 a.m. we can talk about it then. And then don't text back. 5. Etc. You get the picture. 6. This way, we don't have to know all of the details, hear it all, the ins and outs, and then get engaged! I don't want to know about his rent, his landlord, his car gas, his commute to work, his lack of insurance, how mad he is because he can't get a doctor appointment today, his side hurts....blah blah blah. I don't want to know. I really don't. After my latest with Difficult Child, I am all about this. I have been relishing my own peace for the past 8 days of no interaction with him. It has been GREAT! I want peace. I want to love him. I want to accept him. I don't want my stomach in a knot. The way to get all of that, for me, is lots of boundaries. Me deciding where, when, how and for how long. [/QUOTE]
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