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questions/still struggling (used to be Missy44 - now Missy444)
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 478469"><p>Hi Missy! I am sorry you are going thru this too - and I hate to say "welcome to the club". I've been here about 2.5 months and it's amazing how much so many of our difficult child's have in common with each other. Like quintuplets or some such separated at birth.</p><p></p><p>But along with noticing their similar behaviors - something else became clear - as moms - we are all very different parents. Yes, we all love our kids - but for the most part - we have all parented in very different ways, ...yet we ended up here with difficult children who are so much alike.</p><p></p><p>DING DING DING - it wasn't our behavior that was at fault. Some of us discovered tough love early, some of us enabled the kids for a long time, some of us raised them on a strict budget, some were raised in comfortable homes and some were even over-indulged. Intact families, divorced families, ill parents, healthy parents, adopted kids or biological kids or step kids...WE ARE NOT THE REASON they became and are still difficult children.</p><p></p><p>So the first thing you gotta do is to realize that you are not the problem here. And that you don't hold the keys to unlock the easy child trapped inside the difficult child.</p><p></p><p>About the same time I found this board - I found a website with an essay called</p><p><strong> <a href="http://www.nacr.org/wordpress/178/kids-bad-decisions-do-not-mean-we-are-bad-parents" target="_blank">Kid’s Bad Decisions Do Not Mean We Are Bad Parents</a></strong></p><p></p><p>You don't need fixing, you need help coping. Trinity posted some detachment phrases about a week ago (they're also in the archives) and they are a good reminder and a primer in what to say when.</p><p></p><p>Again, so sorry to welcome you to the club -- but glad you are here and please share with us and reach out when you need it. {{{hugs}}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 478469"] Hi Missy! I am sorry you are going thru this too - and I hate to say "welcome to the club". I've been here about 2.5 months and it's amazing how much so many of our difficult child's have in common with each other. Like quintuplets or some such separated at birth. But along with noticing their similar behaviors - something else became clear - as moms - we are all very different parents. Yes, we all love our kids - but for the most part - we have all parented in very different ways, ...yet we ended up here with difficult children who are so much alike. DING DING DING - it wasn't our behavior that was at fault. Some of us discovered tough love early, some of us enabled the kids for a long time, some of us raised them on a strict budget, some were raised in comfortable homes and some were even over-indulged. Intact families, divorced families, ill parents, healthy parents, adopted kids or biological kids or step kids...WE ARE NOT THE REASON they became and are still difficult children. So the first thing you gotta do is to realize that you are not the problem here. And that you don't hold the keys to unlock the easy child trapped inside the difficult child. About the same time I found this board - I found a website with an essay called [B] [URL='http://www.nacr.org/wordpress/178/kids-bad-decisions-do-not-mean-we-are-bad-parents']Kid’s Bad Decisions Do Not Mean We Are Bad Parents[/URL][/B] You don't need fixing, you need help coping. Trinity posted some detachment phrases about a week ago (they're also in the archives) and they are a good reminder and a primer in what to say when. Again, so sorry to welcome you to the club -- but glad you are here and please share with us and reach out when you need it. {{{hugs}}} [/QUOTE]
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