Quick teacher conference help!?!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Arttillygirl, Apr 17, 2007.

  1. Arttillygirl

    Arttillygirl New Member

    I am meeting my son's teacher in an hour.
    I am not good at these things. difficult child said the teacher said he" used too many kleenexes" told them they could "all talk" then moved everyone away from my son and eventually moved him in the hallway. Said he mispronounced his name on purpose (the name rhymed). And then said quietly to him "You know all the teachers are talking about you"

    Now I know ADHD kids are maddening and we've had a call recently from this teacher about talking and bad attitude. And in my son's view he did "nothing" wrong, which I very much doubt. But to say that to a person (which the teacher may deny saying it and we are worse off) would make them not want to return-which is what's happening. Would you want to go to work if you knew all the co-workers were talking about you?

    I need to find a plan and right now I am just mad, embarrased and emotional.

    Please help wise ones!
     
  2. owutaqt

    owutaqt New Member

    Using too many kleenexes?? :whew: what the heck is that about??

    I would tell them STRAIGHT up to be professionals and to NEVER say anything like that to your child again!! How dare they that is incredibly embaressing for your child, Oh I am just in shock here.

    There is some confidentiality rules for teachers, they cannot just go and talk about the kids they don't like or do like and turn a school's worth of teachers against your kid.

    I would be so flaming mad they would not get a word in edgewise.

    Find out what the problem is with your child, tell them your problem with them and then see where you land.

    Good Luck...... :thumbsup:
     
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Said who mispronounced whose name? difficult child mispronounced his own name or the teachers name? That makes a huge difference to me. Is he being a smart aleck or just had a slip of the tongue.

    What is it with the kleenex? Does he have a cold? Allergies? Or was he simply doing it to annoy because he saw it getting to the teacher?

    And yes teachers do talk to each other about students they have in common. Get the teachers side first...dont be too sure you are getting the entire truth from your little darling. I have raised 3 and trust me, they dont always tell the entire unvarnished truth.
     
  4. Arttillygirl

    Arttillygirl New Member

    Thanks,

    He mispronounced the teacher's name.
    I wouldn't put it past him.
    I am so weary from all this, I want to be part of the solution, he has to have this man next year.

     
  5. realangel

    realangel New Member

    i remember a teacher in my sons last school calling him a Brat!! I spoke to her about it and just said that he MAY be a brat but I am the ONLY person who has the right to call him it.. she apologised to me but never apologised to him.

    I think some teachers take a dislike to some difficult children because they dont understand them. They (maybe) think that the only problem is that difficult child is 'lippy' or 'naughty' when we all know thats not the case. in my opinion more education needs to be given to teachers on how to 'cope' with a difficult child in a positive way..

    I hope you get this sorted without too much stress.
     
  6. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    In this emotionally charged situation, my advice is to be as non-confrontational as possible.

    I'm not sure who called the meeting or what the stated goal is, but I would suggest a) allowing the teacher to vent (he probably needs to) and b) gathering as much information as possible. You don't need to decide anything or accuse anyone of anything - you'll likely need time to think and compose your thoughts after the conversation.

    I personally find my difficult child's teacher very unenlightened and annoying, but I make it very clear that I'm working WITH her because otherwise it would be detrimental to my son. So when I meet with her, I ask a lot of questions. If she says he's being uncooperative, I'll ask her for specific examples. I say "And then what happened?" a few times, just to make sure I'm getting the whole picture, not just the emotionally-laden highlights. I ask about trends - "Was this incident unusually bad, or is this a common occurence?"

    I think, rather than accuse the teacher of acting rashly, I might ask, "How have you handled this kind of behavior before with other students?" and "What seems to be the most effective way of dealing with this, in your opinion?" You don't have to like his answer but you're giving him a chance to show you whether or not he's put any REAL thought into this kind of behavior mod, or if he's just reacting in a knee-jerk fashion.

    I think it's OK to tell him that you're working on this at home and with difficult child's therapist (if that's so) and that you'll talk to your son and follow up with the teacher as needed. What else can he ask of you?

    I would then go home and think about it. Then, if you feel the teacher should be handling things differently, you can follow up with another meeting, or a letter to the teacher with a CC to the principal.

    Hope that's helpful...
     
  7. miche

    miche New Member

    Well, from a teacher's perspective:

    I have some kids who take every opportunity they can to get up and walk aroudn and disrupt the class during instructional time. Their reason is usually to get a kleenex, throw away a kleenex, or use hand sanitizer after a kleenex. So I can see that side of the story. I have actually forbid students to get up for tissues and they have to keep a box at their desk if they need one. Sounds silly, but I honestly have one child who will try to get up 10-20 times during a 40 minutes class (that's once every 2-4 minutes to get a tissue). Obviously he's not learning a thing. Anyway, stay calm and listen to the teacher's side of the story. My students never tell their parents the whole truth of the story when they get in trouble. I don't know about the comment "all the teachers are talking about you". What was that supposed to mean for your child????
     
  8. Arttillygirl

    Arttillygirl New Member

    Well the meeting went pretty well. Yes he was manipulating the class by getting a kleenex 6! times and he argues with the teacher daily.

    The teacher did say that "other teachers have said they have had trouble with him" when my son indicated that his class was the only one he gets in trouble in. So he said he probably shouldn't have said that but in context, I can understand.

    We decided to use reward/punishment and if my son goes till each Friday with a good attitude then he'll get a reward, if not, punishment.

    So he will email me the results.

    I can't think of what else to do.
    Thanks so much for the input, I will be so glad when the year's out. I don't know why, but I thought high school would be different than elementary and middle, in terms of not having to meet with teachers about behavior issues.
    Whew

     
  9. miche

    miche New Member

    The Kleenex thing is a tried and true way to annoy a teacher :smile:
    Good luck with the reward system. I hope it works for all of you...
     
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Artilly girl,

    It sounds like you handled the conference beautifully. As the other teacher said, things like getting too many tissues may sound silly, but when put in context, can be a disruption to the class.

    I'm glad that you had an open mind and were willing to listen to what the teacher had to say. Too often, I see a "get them" mentality on the board when that attitude is really counterproductive to helping the child.

    Good for you for working out a solution with the teacher. A team effort is what will really help your difficult child in the long run.

    ~Kathy
     
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