Quick update on difficult child - stopped his medications.

[welcometowitsend]

I saw difficult child on Monday evening. He had texted me and asked me to bring him the clothes and stuff that he'd left at my parents house over Christmas. Apparently he has found someone new to stay with. His friend "A"'s mother has said she can't stand to see him homeless and he can sleep on their couch until he finds a place. Apparently she doesn't care how long this will take... she is NOT going to let him leave until he has his own place. Yeah for A's mom! Superhero Rescue Ranger Mom! LOL. Hopefully she puts up with him until the weather warms up.

But that is ok. It's getting colder out and at least I know he has a place to stay for now and it's close to the school so maybe he'll get there.

I practiced with one of my support group people on how to approach difficult child about his medications. I know he hasn't been taking them consistently and he should have been out of pills by now and asking for more. Soooo, I said. "I'm concerned about you not taking your medication consistently." His response? He hasn't taken it at all in 3 weeks. Oh geez - great! He can't remember because he is supposed to take it with food and he always forgets. But he has an alarm set on his phone to remind him to take it at lunchtime. It's set before he eats and then by the time he is done eating he forgets again. Ok, so I suggested he change the alarm to go off after he has eaten. He got a nasty look in his eyes but didn't say anything. He doesn't really want to be compliant so me coming up with a viable solution made him angry.

So, I am worried and I told him. I gave him a viable solution and also discussed with him what could happen to him as far as his mood and behaviour if he didn't continue to take his medication. There is nothing else I can do but wait and see what he does. I am learning that these are his choices, in his control and I can express myself in a loving way and then I have to let it go because I have no control over it. You know, I never got the Serenity Prayer before now - but I do now.

He did seem pretty happy but he was unwashed and I'm pretty sure he's been wearing the same clothes for at least a week.

I didn't bring up him breaking into our house while we were away. I thought about it but I'd already told him via text how I felt and he didn't steal anything (just snuck in to have sex with the girlfriend) so I dropped it. I opted for a pleasant visit and only brought up the medication issue - everything else we talked about was pretty much fluff.

In other news, the pediatrician called today and they have booked him a consult with a different psychiatrist for Jan 28 so I took the appointment and hopefully will be able to talk difficult child into going. He likes going to dr.'s and getting medications - attention seeking. But he doesn't like the pediatrician because the dr. takes him to task on his behaviour. So, we'll see if he will go or not.

The clinic through the hospital won't be calling me for 3 months - then I'll get a phone interview, then they'll decide if they even want to take him. Then I'll have to wait for appts. By then he'll be about 6-8 months away from his 18th birthday and will age out of that program anyway. Do you ever feel like the system has you running around in circles?

 

[recoveringenabler]

WTW, you are doing such a wonderful job, REALLY, I am so impressed. It sounds to me like you have your support for you set up (your support group) and you have set the boundaries and you know when to step in and when to step away. Wow, that's as good as it gets! And, you remain centered and balanced in your own life. Terrific job! Lots of congratulatory hugs for you...........

 

[InsaneCdn]

Do you ever feel like the system has you running around in circles?

been there done that and have 10 t-shirts to prove it!
It really IS frustrating.

 

[welcometowitsend]

Thank you both for your posts.

I guess now I am in wait and see mode as far as difficult child goes. I sure hope that he goes back on his medication and if he doesn't that he doesn't spiral out of control again. Crossing my fingers.

Praying he goes to that consult on Jan 28th.

 

[SuZir]

Good that he has a roof over his head. You are right that he does seem very attention seeking. Hopefully that will be mostly teenage behaviour and he will grow out of it somehow. And if it helps in getting him to see psychiatrist... Well, that is good. I can't help it, but to me he sounds very bipolar. Ups and downs, quite a surprising onset, attention seeking, all that. And as serious illness as it is, at least they have medications and for many those medications work.

 

[InsaneCdn]

And as serious illness as it is, at least they have medications and for many those medications work.

True... IF you can get them to be medications-compliant.
Which can be a pretty big IF.

Some are... and some are NOT.

 

[welcometowitsend]

Suzir - Yes, he does sound bipolar and I can really relate to the behavioural descriptions of other people on here when they talk about their difficult child's who have bipolar.

It saddens me that if he is bipolar that this is something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life.

Insane - You are so right. Part of the problem with mental illness is that it is difficult to have insight into what you need (ie. medications). Unfortunately, it's my understanding that many people with mental illness will go off their medications many times during their life because they feel they don't need them anymore.

Sigh. I really hope it is just immaturity and he'll grow out of it but some of his behaviour is just incomprehensible to me. This is not a kid who grew up in difficult circumstances or an abusive household. That said there is a history of difficult child's in my mothers family. Out of 10 kids there are 6 full blown difficult child's (alcoholics, drug addicts, abusers) and then a couple more that function but are difficult people to deal with. I always thought it was their life circumstances that turned them into difficult child's but now I am not so sure.

 

[buddy]

you must feel so worn out after those meetings with difficult child. the mental gymnastics we do while talking....always thinking one statement ahead about what the result will be can make me more tired than a physical workout.

sorry about the medications, gosh I hope the system doesn't completely let him down. can you plan for what to do after 18 just to be set up and ready to go?


you really are such a wonderful mom.....hugs.

 

[DammitJanet]

What medication is he on? There are some classes that can be injected either weekly or monthly I believe which would take the issue actually taking them out of the whole dialogue.

I will say that I would rather be bipolar than some of the other diagnosis's out there. However I am extremely medication compliant. There are times that I have considered going off of them for various reasons but its not because I feel better.

 

[welcometowitsend]

Buddy - Thank you. I am hoping the system doesn't let him down too. I have some mixed feeling about it. I really don't want a diagnosis of bipolar if it isn't accurate because a) it won't help him and b) it'll give him an excuse for continuing to make poor decisions

I am going to speak to his paediatrician at his next appointment to see what we can do about transitioning him into the adult world of mental health medicine. We also have CAMH which is like NAMI and they have workers that can be assigned to a persons case and it's then their job to help the patient navigate the system in all areas of their life. This could be very helpful for difficult child so I'm going to call about that as well.

Janet - He is on Wellbutrin right now. They didn't want to give him mood stabilizers or ADHD medications because they wanted to watch for side effects of each medication before introducing a new one. I wish they had of given him the mood stabilizer more quickly after getting him on the Wellbutrin though. At this point I'm a little leary of any ADHD medications because of the potential for him to abuse and/or sell them as a street drug. I may look into the possibility of shots - it's a good idea and would certainly solve the problem.

I've been called him a couple of times since Thursday and he hasn't returned my calls. I'm trying not to hound him but I'd also like to know what his plans are regarding this appointment because I'm not fond of the idea of getting stuck with a $200 bill if he doesn't show up. Not sure if they'd hold me or him responsible for that bill but I doubt they'd see him again until it was paid. So, I guess that'll make me responsible if I want to get him help.

 

[DammitJanet]

Hmmm...wellbutrin can have an almost stimulant like effect on some people. It doesnt make you lethargic like most ad's do. Or that was my experience. It was the only one I was able to take at all.

It isnt available in shot form. The ones available in shot form are the AP's. Sometimes if the only way to get a bipolar person compliant is an ap, they will do that instead of a mood stabilizer.

 

[welcometowitsend]

Janet - That's interesting about the Wellbutrin acting like a stimulant. They recommended it for difficult child partly because of his ADHD - they said there is no actual proof but they find it to help with ADHD symptoms as well as depression. Guess that's why.

I'm wondering about getting bipolar people compliant using antidepressants alone. Can't antidepressants alone send a bipolar person manic? That's my concern with difficult child. Have the antidepressants sent this kid manic? Is his behaviour manic enough for a bipolar diagnosis? I don't know. I know there is hypomanic as well as manic so there is some variation in manic symptoms. Just not sure if what he is doing can be explained by immaturity and rebelliousness from an ADHD kid or if it warrants a bipolar diagnosis.

 

[BusynMember]

In people who have bipolar I, the type where this is obvious mania-to-psychosis, stimulants of any kind can be DANGEROUS. I have a more mellow sort of mood disorder and antidepressants work well for me and mood stablizers make me feel so zombie like that I refuse to take any of them. Sure, they would calm me down...anyone over-sedated seems calmer, but nope. I like to feel alive. My anti-depressant doesn't make me blah...if it did, I wouldn't take that either. Lots of people are non-medication compliant because they are on the wrong medications for them and the medications actually make them feel even worse. Been there, done that. Nobody likes to feel as if they are sleepwalking.

I have one big issue with this doctor. If this child has bipolar and ADHD isn't the bipolar more important to treat than the ADHD? Seriously, maybe you could use a second opinion both on the diagnosis and the medications. Can't tell you how many psychiatrists I had to see in order to get it right. Wellbutrin, if he is prone to all out mania, could be very...not good.