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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 744087" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>This is key!! Grieving is not just for someone that died. I grieved for the hopes and dreams I had for my son. Working through that really helped me to let go.</p><p>I too have a deep faith and I leave my son in God's hands. Prayer and love is all I can offer my son.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It's really good that you recognize this. That is a half the battle. Something that has helped me and still helps me is to have "simple - standard" responses that I stick to.</p><p>Example:</p><p>Son: Mom, I really need some help, I have no where to go, nothing to eat, I'm gonna die out here.</p><p>Mom: You need to get to a shelter.</p><p>Son: I don't want to go to a shelter why can't you just help me?</p><p>Mom: I'm not able to help you. You need to go to a shelter.</p><p>Son: If you loved me you would help me.</p><p>Mom: I love you. You need to go to a shelter.</p><p>Son: Why won't you help me? Why are you so selfish?</p><p>Mom: I'm not able to help you. You need to go to a shelter. I love you.</p><p>Son: You're an F####### B####</p><p>Mom: I've gotta go now, I love you, bye.</p><p></p><p>I actually had to write some things down to help me. The more you read them the more they become part of your vocabulary that you use with your son.</p><p></p><p>As I said, my son will be 37 next month and has spent most of his adult life living a homeless, wondering life. I've had desperate calls from him during the winter that he was going to freeze and starve to death. I did not cave into his "demands" and he survived.</p><p></p><p>I am living proof that there is peace and joy on the other side of this. Once we pull ourselves out of the rabbit hole and get off the crazy train, we start to take our life back, we start to live for ourselves again.</p><p>If love alone could save our adult children from making poor choices we would not have need for this kind of forum. </p><p>The main thing to remember, my son, your son, all the sons and daughters that we commiserate about here on this forum, they are adults. They make their own choices - good or bad. We don't have to like it but once we accept it for what it is, we can move on.</p><p></p><p>[ATTACH=full]1087[/ATTACH]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 744087, member: 18516"] This is key!! Grieving is not just for someone that died. I grieved for the hopes and dreams I had for my son. Working through that really helped me to let go. I too have a deep faith and I leave my son in God's hands. Prayer and love is all I can offer my son. It's really good that you recognize this. That is a half the battle. Something that has helped me and still helps me is to have "simple - standard" responses that I stick to. Example: Son: Mom, I really need some help, I have no where to go, nothing to eat, I'm gonna die out here. Mom: You need to get to a shelter. Son: I don't want to go to a shelter why can't you just help me? Mom: I'm not able to help you. You need to go to a shelter. Son: If you loved me you would help me. Mom: I love you. You need to go to a shelter. Son: Why won't you help me? Why are you so selfish? Mom: I'm not able to help you. You need to go to a shelter. I love you. Son: You're an F####### B#### Mom: I've gotta go now, I love you, bye. I actually had to write some things down to help me. The more you read them the more they become part of your vocabulary that you use with your son. As I said, my son will be 37 next month and has spent most of his adult life living a homeless, wondering life. I've had desperate calls from him during the winter that he was going to freeze and starve to death. I did not cave into his "demands" and he survived. I am living proof that there is peace and joy on the other side of this. Once we pull ourselves out of the rabbit hole and get off the crazy train, we start to take our life back, we start to live for ourselves again. If love alone could save our adult children from making poor choices we would not have need for this kind of forum. The main thing to remember, my son, your son, all the sons and daughters that we commiserate about here on this forum, they are adults. They make their own choices - good or bad. We don't have to like it but once we accept it for what it is, we can move on. [ATTACH=full]1087[/ATTACH] [/QUOTE]
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