Quillivant XR, appts soon, there was a mix up insc!! Ugghh!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Confused, Mar 30, 2015.

  1. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Ok, psychiatric Dr is next month as the insc issues and referral pushed it back o_O So son started 4ml of quillivant on Sat most of it last three days he spit out or "accidentally" squeezed out.. uh huh. pediatrician prescribed him this although, they couldn't diagnose him at their office. Huh? Whatever! So I dont think he has had much to make him tantrum worse but of course we had to tell him no twice this weekend and that set him off. So before you all said because of his anger that he needs non stimulant, will be talking to his dr( again) soon ( other dr and new dr, omg we have a lot of doctors!!!) So I have some calls again to make today to see if this one in home therapy place takes the insc, if so, Im so excited!!! If not, Ill find one! ( last one didn't)

    So again how perfect he is with everyone but me and my dad which is not true as hes blown up in front of gpa, at stores with others, and gpa is in denial, and if he lived with the neighbors or friend for a while he would get comfy or just used to it and he will blow, he cant handle the word "no" or anything that doesnt go his way. Again he can be the sweetest, smartest helpful little guy and then a light switch and its demon time. Sometimes he is just so irritable he starts over nothing. Well hopefully the dr will have some good tips when we go, the office claims he will !!! So looking forward to seeing what he diagnoses him with and what pills and therapy!! I decided to get confidence type therapy too, I think that will be good for all of us to get!!!!!! Its hard to have confidence when exs and family and neighbors put you down so much. Then when something goes wrong with our kids, even if no one says its our fault, as parents, at least for me, I take the blame. Of course Im not perfect, but, Im not that bad either! I do agree with others that some ( not all) of this is testing me because I have gaven in, but Im learning more know and to stick with things, trying to figure out punishments.

    See, punishments. I asked a long time ago about outside time and I agree son should not go out if he was violent, but, yikes this is his only relief as is favorite thing to do.. so its a tough call! Plus we are punished when hes in and cant go out! He gets mad over no electronics or not going to friends houses or the park, but if I take those away and still let him play in our front/back yard, its easier on all of us!! Lots of trial and errors I guess? What do you think?

    Gee I wish those of you whose kids act up mainly with you could come tell my gpa and neighbors a thing or two!!!!!!

    So, Im still going, pushing forward and making my plans still on heading for the hills! Ok, not the hills, wouldnt want to drive that in bad weather haha, maybe an acre of land, that would be wonderful!!!! One day!!!! Omg I could just see what my kids would do with the land!!!!! :swimming: hmmm?
     
  2. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    What I would do, would keep daily structure same despite almost anything. Sleeping, eating, outside time, bedtime routines, school, chores, creative play etc. would not be privileges, rewards or punishments. Simply thing that you do.

    Your son is young. He absolutely needs a chance to move and be active and play. He needs nutritious food. He needs sleep. He needs affection. Those are rights, not privileges. Taking away outside time for punishment works same way as taking away sleep or food as punishment. Yes, it makes him miserable, and so it is punishment, but it also makes it even more difficult for him to control himself and behave. When you are lacking sleep, your blood sugar is low because you are hungry or you don't get enough activity and exercise (and for young boys the need is huge), and if a child, you don't have time for free play, your body is in distress and it effects your behaviour and impulse control and anger management in very negative way.

    If his behaviours are such, that he needs to be supervised more strictly, you can restrict the area he can go outside, you may need to outside and keep him where you can see him all the time, but taking outside time away simply hurts you all. It will not make him behave better but worse.

    As punishments and rewards use things that are not needs. Screen time is not a need, going to certain event is not a need, candies or sweet snacks or deserts are not needs. Play dates etc. are not short term need. Sleep, nutritious food, exercise, chance to play and affection are.
     
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  3. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    I will try to be more structured again, and yes I agree about the outside time! The family/neighbors dont get why I let him outside if he was in trouble, but it is worse for him and us! Your right he needs that escape time for himself too! So far hes been listening well outside when not mad, so thats good. Thats the thing, when hes in a great mood, hes like a whole other child, so well behaved and loving, laughing, even in an emergency a few times with grandpa/animals he happened to be there he was so calm and helpful! Thank you, Im starting all this now!
     
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Just keep in mind that as parents our job is to try to guide our kids to become as functional, emotionally and mentally stable and wholesome individuals as is possible to them. Our goal is not win any 'most hard core mom of the street'- or 'most awesome parent'-awards.

    And when you have kid(s) with issues, you better keep in mind that for outsiders, those who do not have experience or education of troubled kids, the answer to everything tends to be the simpliest and easiest: More discipline. Average kids often learn well from consequences, positive and negative, kids with issues often do not. But if your own child or you yourself learnt well from consequences, you tend to assume that if kid is not learning, the consequences have not been tough enough and kids would learn, if they were just treated tough enough. If that would be true, old time reform schools would had been huge successes and even now people wouldn't end up to juvenile halls or jails or prisons second time. That is not true (in fact many studies show, that juvenile and adult offenders who serve time for offences tend to re-offend more than those offenders, who did not get jail time.)

    There needs to be consequences also for child who do not learn well from them, but even more you need to facilitate his success. Help him get things and skills that make it possible for him to do well in his every day life and help him learn to be productive citizen. It doesn't matter what your next door neighbour or relative thinks. They most likely would think otherwise, if they were the one raising your son.
     
  5. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi, confused. I am sorry you are going through all this. I know it's so tough. I want just to put something to you very hesitantly, knowing that each child is unique and that what works for one, will not work for another. My son J has become markedly less angry in recent months. He still has outbursts, but he will almost immediately climb down and say sorry or he will be quite lucid about what is going on. Tonight, for example, he told me that he sometimes gets angry with a friend of his at school and says "You're not my friend any more!" but then soon after he goes to apologise and say that he does not mean it, that he just said that because he was angry and his friends says "Don't worry, I'm the same!". One could possibly put this down to Strattera, which he has been on for a few months now (though to be honest I see few effects from it, good or bad) but really I am pretty sure it is because of therapy he has had - just four sessions - with a therapist very experienced in something called EMDR, looking specifically at Jacob's anger and what lies behind it. I don't want to tempt fate, of course, but thus far the results have been pretty miraculous. Is there any chance you could try EMDR for your boy?
     
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Malika... can you recommend a good link for information on EMDR?
     
  7. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    I think the important thing is probably to find a good, experienced therapist. EMDR is, in the words of this therapist "a very powerful tool", but it has to be in the hands of someone who knows how to use it. I myself had EMDR with a young female therapist in Morocco and it was a disaster - she really did not know what she was doing and the whole thing caused some added trauma. Check that the practitioner is registered with the EMDR Institute, perhaps? http://www.emdr.com/
     
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the link!
     
  9. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Thank you SuZir, Malika and for the link idea Inscane. Well son is not controlling his anger, I don't know if its coincidence of the Quillivant or not, school hasnt said anything about how he been, no medications or medications he doesnt like the word no. So add that son said lastnight this boy is bullying him in his class -going to talk to school when it resumes( break) so son said he wants to punch him in the face because hes tired of it and no one believes him and he may want to go to a new school. I told him thats fine we were planning on a new school anyways, but at any and every school , any and every job there will be kids/people that dont like him or that he doesnt like and he needs to learn self control and let the anger go. Life isnt easy, and we have to deal without violence or verbal abuse.

    So, I don't know if I will continue the medication or not, maybe just til his appointment in two weeks( unless he keeps being the way he is Ill stop it sooner) Uggh!!!!!!
     
  10. Confused

    Confused Active Member

    Ok update here: hes been off the quillivant since I wrote and his attitude/violence is the same. I am putting him back on the medication and see what the psychiatric dr says.( appointment soon!!!!) I keep reading on mood stabilizers, if my son gets on them boy oh boy I hope he and I are one of the lucky ones where it will help him( therapy too of course but no way can my son do just therapy he needs something to calm him I realize this)

    Its been a long day so far.. and the day is not over. Im so tempted to go...:strikesmileys:
     
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