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Rant warning: Just tell him to go for a walk the therapist says
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 308048" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Taking a walk is a tool, however, I am not sure that your difficult child 2 is ready to take on that responsibility. I think that in talking to the therapist, he and difficult child 2 discussed how things could have been handled better. Maybe the walking away before things escalated was one of the brain storm answers that difficult child 2 thought was the easiest to do. He says to therapist, "I can do that one!" Of course he can, in the therapists office under very calming situations. However, there is more to walking away than to just take a walk. Doing so is a responsibility in itself. Can he just walk around the block or will he continue to whereever? For some people, taking a walk does increase their anger and gives them time to think of revenge. He needs to learn the rules of taking a walk.</p><p> </p><p>I find that therapists are on their client's side. They have to be. They do whatever it takes to help their client get through a serious situation. When therapy starts, I think there are standard tools they expect the client to use until more complex tools are introduced. I think that sometimes therapist forget that children can not be given the same tools as adults - children live in a home where respect for their elders has to be in place. Many adults that therapists deal with live alone - no one at home to answer to - their home priviledges and responsibilities are different than kids. Throughout the therapy, kids have to be reminded that they are to respect their parents, teachers, and all authority.</p><p> </p><p>It is hard for a therapist to give advice over the phone until they really get to know how the child operates - what tools work best - so some advice you will get is general advice given to anyone who calls in with the same issues.</p><p> </p><p>Remember, you are the Mom. You are the one who really and only knows best how your child will react in all situations. Follow your Warrior Mom instincts and do what is best to keep your home safe. Your job is to protect EVERYONE in your home. Your therapist's job is to protect his client. Yes, he will include what is best for everyone but he really does not know the dynamics of the home and how everyone functions.</p><p> </p><p>I would think that a time-out in his room focusing on something - music, school work, drawing, whatever would help him calm down more than taking a walk without anything but the situation to focus on. If he refuses, go ahead and call the police. Wait until his is calm to talk to him. I always like opening my conversation with my kids when these types of angry outbursts arise with something like, "I don't know about you, but I did not enjoy today. Everyone was angry. I don't like seeing you so upset and unhappy. Can you tell me what you think happened to cause it?" I try to look at the situation and not as a personal attack. It is very difficult for me to keep my balance of fairness in these talks. I have to keep my anger and hurt feelings from coming out as I deal with my child's. It is easier for a therapist because s/he is not emotionally involved.</p><p> </p><p>I would set up written household rules to post in his room regarding how you expect him to treat others and what the consequences will be. Put on it that you expect him to remain in control of his anger and list ways to help work out that anger (talking, writing, exercise, ect), list the chores he is expected to do and the consequences of not doing them, list that police will be called in the event that ANYONE feels unsafe (no matter what his intentions, if he causes anyone to feel unsafe, the police will be called), list any other thing you can think of that he struggles with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 308048, member: 5096"] Taking a walk is a tool, however, I am not sure that your difficult child 2 is ready to take on that responsibility. I think that in talking to the therapist, he and difficult child 2 discussed how things could have been handled better. Maybe the walking away before things escalated was one of the brain storm answers that difficult child 2 thought was the easiest to do. He says to therapist, "I can do that one!" Of course he can, in the therapists office under very calming situations. However, there is more to walking away than to just take a walk. Doing so is a responsibility in itself. Can he just walk around the block or will he continue to whereever? For some people, taking a walk does increase their anger and gives them time to think of revenge. He needs to learn the rules of taking a walk. I find that therapists are on their client's side. They have to be. They do whatever it takes to help their client get through a serious situation. When therapy starts, I think there are standard tools they expect the client to use until more complex tools are introduced. I think that sometimes therapist forget that children can not be given the same tools as adults - children live in a home where respect for their elders has to be in place. Many adults that therapists deal with live alone - no one at home to answer to - their home priviledges and responsibilities are different than kids. Throughout the therapy, kids have to be reminded that they are to respect their parents, teachers, and all authority. It is hard for a therapist to give advice over the phone until they really get to know how the child operates - what tools work best - so some advice you will get is general advice given to anyone who calls in with the same issues. Remember, you are the Mom. You are the one who really and only knows best how your child will react in all situations. Follow your Warrior Mom instincts and do what is best to keep your home safe. Your job is to protect EVERYONE in your home. Your therapist's job is to protect his client. Yes, he will include what is best for everyone but he really does not know the dynamics of the home and how everyone functions. I would think that a time-out in his room focusing on something - music, school work, drawing, whatever would help him calm down more than taking a walk without anything but the situation to focus on. If he refuses, go ahead and call the police. Wait until his is calm to talk to him. I always like opening my conversation with my kids when these types of angry outbursts arise with something like, "I don't know about you, but I did not enjoy today. Everyone was angry. I don't like seeing you so upset and unhappy. Can you tell me what you think happened to cause it?" I try to look at the situation and not as a personal attack. It is very difficult for me to keep my balance of fairness in these talks. I have to keep my anger and hurt feelings from coming out as I deal with my child's. It is easier for a therapist because s/he is not emotionally involved. I would set up written household rules to post in his room regarding how you expect him to treat others and what the consequences will be. Put on it that you expect him to remain in control of his anger and list ways to help work out that anger (talking, writing, exercise, ect), list the chores he is expected to do and the consequences of not doing them, list that police will be called in the event that ANYONE feels unsafe (no matter what his intentions, if he causes anyone to feel unsafe, the police will be called), list any other thing you can think of that he struggles with. [/QUOTE]
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