Rap boy update

[Arttillygirl]

Hello all who helped me over the summer. It was rough but it is not as explosive anymore.

My son who attends a small Christian school had a rebellious turn and has decided to become a rapper. He has always been difficult but so funny and insightful. He is 16, ADHD and now has been diagnosed with major depression.
We have him on Zoloft and Rispertol. The Rispertol (a small amt. at night really did the trick) but he is gaining too much weight.
We are cutting it in half and discussing it in a week or so.

Our situation now is that he has returned to school against his wishes but we had no other options on such short notice. He told us he doesn't like it there, doesn't fit in, has no friends, is lonely. (He was plenty popular before he began vandalizing the school last year and becoming delinquent and admiring counter culture music). Now he has gotten so self centered with his music he says "no one understands me".
Well he's right there.

He got the lead in a play and we thought that might really help.

His attitude is getting very "why try" now which doesn't help with popularity. One boy in particular who was one of his best friends last year says he's a jerk and won't be around him. They are in the same circles and so it makes it very uncomfortable. My son's tried to reconcile but the boy won't have any of it. Others come and tell him personal things the boy is spreading about him. It's just so sad.

My concern is should I take immediate action? Should I pull him out? He signed up for a trip to NY in the Spring that's already paid for by the school so I don't know about that. I just don't want to under react and regret it later. He really seems to be simmering below the surface.

I read the headlines and wonder what the environments were like for these boys who did take action against their schools and some against themselves. I know my son and don't believe he would do either of those things but those moms may have thought they knew theirs too.

Our public school is horrible, bottom of the barrel so that's not an option. We discussed moving but no one wants to leave our home. That may be our best option though.
Anyone have any thoughts?

 

[Nancy]

I live in Cleveland where the latest school shooting just occurred. The boy lives in the neighborhood where I grew up and where my Dad still lives. This boy was also simmering on the inside and there were many warning signs but no one was able to stop or help him. The school system here is now desperately trying to put together some kind of safety plan bot the protect the students and help those kids in need. A little too late.

My advice is to call his therapist right away and explain your concerns. If his therapist is not responsive look for another one who will take your concerns seriously. Make sure you tell the therapist that his friends are starting to avoid him.

I would not withdraw him from school at this point until you talk to the therapist. The issues your son is dealing with will follow him wherever he goes. You may have to change schools districts but there is no guarantee your son will fit in there either.

Nancy

 

[susiestar]

He is going to have the "no one understands me" problems for a long time. You may want to ask the other boy exactly what your son did to alienate his friends. You mention vandalizing the school and becoming a delinquent.

Unfortunately life is structured so that our actions have these nesty things called consequences. Your son made some bad ones and the alienation is a part of the natural and logical consequences of that. It is hard for a parent to see,but it is true.

I think calling his therapist is a very good idea, maybe even an urgent one. If his therapist is not helpful, get appts with a couple of others and let him pick one he can work with.

It also sound like random drug testing for a number of drugs would be a good idea.

Sorry this is so hard for all of you.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[Arttillygirl]

The consequences part is one reason why we decided to not move.
"Why should we suffer because you knowingly did wrong? And yes if you do wrong eventually it will catch up with you" is what we do want to instill.

The boy was with my son last year when another boy smashed a flat screen while he filmed it. They were doing pranks of vandalism for a blog - so stupid. But it was at our school where I work.
The smasher paid 2/3rds and and my son paid 1/3rd for the tv and the other boy got grace (from me for not turning him in).
I thought I was doing him a favor but apparently not. (I wanted them to be able to remain friends and I also thought his stern father would withdraw him from the school).
I went to him and he said that they had just "grown apart". I told him that I gave him grace and he should give my son some as well.

He proceeded to behave as before so he isn't going to change.

I don't think drugs are in the picture now.

My psy. knows about it all.
My son made a rap suicide song where he said goodbye to everyone naming names! I sent it to him but haven't heard anything so he must not think it is a serious problem. I am soo tired of this,
I know many of you have worse situations but my gosh I wish I could turn the clock back. He was so happy last year.

 

[Ohio]

I think that you should follow your gut.

 

[flutterbee]

I understand the desire to not want to let your son run away from his mistakes. However, the high school years can be so unforgiving. Almost everyone has a horror story about their own high school years. Throw a mental illness into the mix and it's compounded ten-fold.

Major depression is much more than having the blues. It robs one of their self esteem - which can be very hard to overcome - and the ability to use good judgment, just for starters. It can be incredibly difficult to overcome in the best of circumstances.

Is your son receiving therapy in addition to medications? If he's still feeling this way, he needs more support. Whether that's a medication tweak (as in dosage), a medication change, a medication addition or therapy. Studies show that the best results in treating depression are achieved when medications in combination with therapy are utilized. The distorted, negative thinking that comes with major depression tends to become learned behavior. That's where therapy comes in...to retrain the brain, so to speak.

This is what I would do. I would give it til Christmas break...unless of course you see a significant decline in your son. If by that time things haven't changed, I would consider a switch to another school.

Yes, our actions have consequences. But, the choices your son made that have led to these consequences were not made in the proper frame of mind.