Hello kristy!
Welcome to our group!
First of all, the very fact that you are actively seeking helpf or your child is a sign that you are a VERY GOOD mother--not a failure in any way!
Second, a thorough evaluation is exactly where you want to begin. Hopefully, you will get an understanding of what may be causing your child to be aggressive and have meltdowns...and then you can begin to find the proper treatment for those issues.
Meanwhile, feel free to post here...we are all happy to help if we can--or at the very least, offer a shoulder to lean on.
You are not alone!