Reacting to difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Sep 12, 2007.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I thought of you all this a.m., and especially Kjs ... difficult child has been SO good lately, but this a.m., husband didn't give him his pill early like he usually does. He woke difficult child and we all pretty much got up and got dressed at the same time, except that difficult child didn't want to get up, and I made the mistake of saying, "Hi honey. Time to get up," (in happy voice) which was apparently the wrong thing to do. "NO!" he snarled. In fact, he usually snarls with-o any recognizable language to go with-it. Both dogs nosed under the pillow and he got angrier (apparently he thought I did it).

    Breakfast was no better.
    He had the most evil look on his face. Worse than a Halloween decoration!
    He insisted I pick him up at a certain time at school, when in fact, I'm supposed to have him at baseball practice at the same time his sister is supposed to be picked up and there's no way I can do both at the same time. I told him I had to figure it all out and he didn't like my non-answer.
    Finally, as he snarled across the table from me, I retorted,
    "That's it! You do NOT look at me like that or talk to me like that. You are on Level 1."
    "I don't CARE!"
    (Of course. His stock reply.)

    I knew enough to drop it. And I credit not only my/our training, but Effexor, because it was just enough to show him I was upset, but not have a huge explosion. (I absolutely do not want to sound like a pharmaceutical commercial... I am the last person in the world to tout this stuff, but it works on me.)

    Philosophically, I believe that it IS okay to show our kids that we are angry, because in the real world, you cannot expect to be mean to people and not cause a reaction. It's basic cause and effect. However, as parents, we are in control, and we have to temper our tempers, so to speak, to remain in control and not lose it.

    His Adderal probably kicked in on the way to school. It's really upsetting and disappointing to see that Mr. Hyde is still there. A fantasy part of me wants him to outgrow this so he won't need the medications ... and neither will I ... sigh ...
     
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Sorry your morning was so rough, but you handled it well. I haven't even woke kids up yet as it is 5:40 here. I hate when they wake up badly
     
  3. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I'm sorry you had a rough morning. I hope you figure out baseball practice and pick up. Good luck!
     
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    TerryJ2,

    Sorry you had such a rough start to your day. It does sound like you handled the situation very well, though.

    I agree with you that sometimes our difficult children need to know that we're angry about their behaviour, but I also agree that it's important not to lose control. Sometimes the show of anger is an effective way to really get the message across.

    My difficult child broke one of the big house rules a few weeks ago (funny...I can't remember which one right now...need more tea) and my SO was furious. He kept control, but made it very clear how angry he was. And, difficult child has not done it since. It was something he always used to do, much to our annoyance, so that fact that he doesn't do it anymore is truly amazing.

    I think you're right that our difficult children need to understand how things will be in the real world. I tell mine that the world will not know he has a disability, but they will expect proper behaviour from him and won't be nearly as forgiving as his family.

    A does of reality is not a bad thing.

    Hope the rest of your day goes well.
    Trinity
     
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Terry, for years I didn't react - was comatose on a regular basis. Of late, I want the tweedles to know that I'm a human & I can have feelings as well. In fact, that I do have feelings & that their outbursts & such are hurtful.

    As I allow the tweedles to see that I'm hurt by their antics & such, they are beginning to see how hurtful words & actions can be.

    Of course, I protect myself on the big things. I don't allow some of the "terms of endearment" or fantasies bother me in front of them. Just too much ammunition.

    Hope today is a better day for you.
     
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