Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Question

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Feb 26, 2009.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I have been re-familiarizing myself with all of difficult child's diagnosis'es (agreed or not, they're on his rap sheet and I need to be on my toes with the carp going on at the school).

    I was reading I noticed the signs and symptoms list "darkness behind eyes when raging". I've been looking for a more descriptive account of this, and I'm not finding one. Can anyone explain this?
  2. WSM

    WSM New Member

    My difficult child has been diagnosis'd this and fits much of the description:

    Superficially charming and engaging, particularly around strangers or those who they feel they can manipulate Yes

    Indiscriminate affection, often to strangers; but not affectionate on parent's terms Yes

    Problems making eye contact, except when angry or lying No, but does make great eye contact while lying.

    A severe need to control everything and everyone; worsens as the child gets older Very manipulative and worried about not being controlled

    Hypervigilant Doesn't seem to be, but watches and hears everything he can.

    Hyperactive, yet lazy in performing tasks No

    Argumentative, often over silly or insignificant things No, just will not cooperate, no need to argue about it

    Frequent tantrums or rage, often over trivial issues Never, used to up until about age 7, never now.

    Demanding or clingy, often at inappropriate times No, not anymore, is very aloof, used to have abandonment fears

    Trouble understanding cause and effect OMG ABSOLUTELY

    Poor impulse control yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

    Lacks morals, values, and spiritual faith yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

    Little or no empathy; often have not developed a conscience yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

    Cruelty to animals No

    Lying for no apparent reason yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

    False allegations of abuse Constantly since age eight, maybe daily, it's his number one hobby in life, so help me God.

    Destructive to property or self yes

    Stealing Yes

    Constant chatter; nonsense questions Yes, sometimes does this, sometimes is sullenly silent. When he does this it's irrelevant questions, why is this penny thinner than the other, what does it mean to masticate, how come sunflowers turn to face the sun? Or he'll chatter on about superheros, video games or harry potter. This causes people to think, oh, he's so bright. No, he's just pulling a bunch of unrelated questions together to get a response from you. Or chattering to chatter. But it's not constant, usually he's sullen.

    Abnormal speech patterns; uninterested in learning communication skills No

    Developmental / Learning delays Not really, but often remarked upon how immature he is

    Fascination with fire, blood and gore, weapons, evil; will usually make the bad choice We've seen glimpses of it. It might be why he goes into sullen silences, he doesn't want us to know. Or it might not relate to him at all.

    Problems with food; either hoarding it or refusing to eat yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

    Concerned with details, but ignoring the main issues Yes

    Few or no long term friends; tend to be loners Yes, but wants friends, gets along, but no best buddies. Not bullied, not a bully. Very guarded, tries to entice friends with stories of his abusive parents.

    Attitude of entitlement and self-importance yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes; used to go about saying how special he was, saying he didn't have to follow rules because he was special, once even thought at age 8 that a swing wouldn't hit him if he walked in front of it because he was special.

    Sneaks things without permission even if he could have had them by asking yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
    Triangulation of adults; pitting one against the other A MASTER at this

    A darkness behind the eyes when raging If you've seen it, you know what it means. At least three people have since it with difficult child. It's scary.
    difficult child does not rage. But he will stare at you unblinkingly if you are yelling at him, lecturing him, telling him something, whatever. Sometimes the look is just "Yah, yah, yah, when are you going to be finished and let me go." Sometimes the look is "I'm off in some far away place, fantasyland and will be back when I'm good and ready so go ahead and say what you're going to say." Sometimes it's a glare: "I'm mad at you, but not going to say anything, just think hateful thoughts about you and I wish you were dead."

    All kids, I guess everyone does those looks.

    difficult child has another look, It's like his eyes get darker and blacker, they stop being the eyes of a child, or even being his eyes, they are cold, knowing, calmly calculating your torture and death. It makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. It's scary. Three people I know of have seen that look on difficult child. My husband has not and when I mention it, he assumes it''s just glaring, the death glare we call it.

    Nope it's more. It's scary. One therapist, who had a son who grew up to be a sociopath said she knew what I was talking about, but almost no one else does. Occasionally it's like even his face changes, not a boy's face, more of an adult face, but not an individual face--or maybe the individuality isn't noticeable because when you see those eyes, you are sort of locked into it.

    difficult child hasn't done it for a while; for a time he was doing it all the time. Once we were all planting palm trees in the front yard and he was doing it to me a lot. I went into the house to get the camcorder, to record the tree planting but hoping get a recording of that face. But he stopped. He knew.

    If you've seen it, you won't forget it.