Ready to lose it.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Alisonlg, May 19, 2007.

  1. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    I swear my husband is being the biggest :censored2: EVER! :grrr:

    I was very clear to husband that I am a MESS this week. I have WAY too much on my plate both on the home front and with work that I feel like I am going to have a breakdown at any moment and I am trying my best to hold it together. So, I told him I just need to focus on the most important tasks of the day THAT day and to please accept that the house will not be perfect and that I am stressed to the max. So, what does he do? He keeps getting on my case about EVERYTHING. I can't take it. I seriously can't take it!

    First of all, I work from home. I am self employed. So, taxes are a nightmare and very stressful for me and very time consuming. Right around tax time was when M started going into crisis and then had his first psychiatric hospital admit. So, I told husband to file for an extension on our taxes so we wouldn't have to deal with that. He agreed and said he would take care of it. He never did. Well, now the taxes are late, we'll have penalties, I have a TON of work deadlines to meet this month and he's climbing up my :censored2: to get our taxes done THIS WEEK. I started melting down and telling him OK..but please stop talking about it, we can talk about it ON THAT DAY that you need me to do it, but right now I need to focus on the priorities of TODAY...but he wouldn't shut up. Needless to say, I was so worked up, I was up until 2:30 AM last night and I woke up in just as equally a crappy mood. :frown:

    Secondly, he's on my case about not getting the kids haircuts this week. Like I had TIME to do that. Then while I was working today, I asked him why he couldn't just take them today and he said "because it's busy on Saturdays." just expect the over stressed, over worked, on the verge of a breakdown mom to do it and then jump down her throat when she surprisingly has no time to accomplish it.

  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry. I'm wiped out emotionally myself or I'd offer advice.
  3. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    ((((HUGS)))) I'm sorry you're so stressed right now. You have a lot on your plate.

    Personally, I would tell husband that he can either wait til it gets done in your time and on your terms or he can do it himself. If he has time to b*tch about it, then he has time to do it.
  4. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member, I'm off to hop in the shower and go to work for the night...then tomorrow I'll wake up...have my coffee...chill with the family for a bit and then work....then I have to scramble to write a class that I was asked last minute to do to fill in for somebody else on Monday night. Monday I'll have the kids (still waiting to hear when our emergency PPT will be for M to transfer to his new school) and then Monday night I'll teach my class.

    Tuesday I have to play catch up and figure out WHAT they exactly they want me to teach for my "train the trainer" class on Wednesday that they asked me to teach. That just kind of fell in my lap. I have to have that written and then teach it on Wednesday morning. Still no clue exactly what day M is going back to school and if he'll be totally melting down during all of this.

    Wednesday I'll be HOPEFULLY teaching my class without any children home :::knock on wood::: because it's via teleconference.

    Then husband is home from work on Thursday and Friday, which is when he wants me to do my taxes...he insists that somehow in 2 days I'll be able to compile an entire years worth of work and expenses...I just don't see it happening. I may have my very own psychiatric hospital admit coming up! LOL

    And, all the while, sometime before the 31st, I have to write a 2 page article for work, write up a team meeting agenda, send out packets to my next months worth of clients (all 15 or so of them), and let's not forget the home responsibilities of grocery shopping, getting the kids haircuts, and oh those wonderful emergency PPT meetings that will be popping up at some unknown time next week!!!!

    Ok...I'm off to hop in the shower before I hyperventilate!
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yikes - So sorry! Sounds like your husband has become your third difficult child :hammer:

    Perhaps giving him choices like we do with our difficult children would work?----------- :crazy2:
    "Honey you can either have the taxes done or the housework - you choose!"
    <span style="color: #FF0000">OR</span>
    "Honey, you can either have sex tonight, or the taxes done - which would you like to choose?!"
    Hmmmmm.... that would be an interesting gauntlet to throw down. :wink:
    No, so kidding - but it would be interesting to make him choose carnal vs neurotic! Maybe he would see how crazy and unreasonable he is being? OK, probably not. :laugh:

    Anyway - Hang in there.......I know how hard it is. I am stressed beyond stress right now too. My difficult child was just released from psychiatric hospital too; money is tight; housework is out of control (I had to wear my son's shirt today, because I have no clean laundry - now that is bad) , and the yard had become a jungle that I don't even want to tangle with............So I understand! It will get better though. Deep breaths.....
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Sweetie,
    You are so overworked right now and husband is being no help-shame on him. I wish I had some advice but I am sending many cyber hugs and prayers your way. :angel:
  7. wldinnh

    wldinnh New Member

    If he's all business, try being that way towards him. "Here's a list of what I have on my plate today and here's a list of what you're asking me to get done. There's more to do than I have time for today so I've prioritized and here's what I'll be able to get to today. The rest will have to wait." Hand him the lists and walk away. If he mentions something that's not on the priority list, just repeat "I won't be able to get to that today." (emphasizing the word "I"!)
    And if that doesn't work, I say go ahead with the "give him choices" idea posted earlier!!
    My heart goes into you!
  8. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    I think you EACH need a list......
  9. Sgwindsor

    Sgwindsor New Member


    I really feel for you and agree with the lists- for both of you. My husband was not much help and when I finally broke down last year and asked him for two things to do- make the bed and make dinner, he started doing it. I did give him a moment by moment breakdown of our afternoons and what life was like after I was done with work. He just didn't know because he works second shift. I don't know what your situation is like, but sometimes asking for specific things to be done and having them be small at first seems to help.

    Good luck!
  10. branbran

    branbran New Member

    You poor thing. I'm exhausted just reading your post. A womans work is never done. Men some how master the art of being completely insesitive and un-empathetic to the burdens of what it truly means to be female!!!!!! I really like the list idea. Just do only what you can. Your one person, dont kill yourself trying to accomplish the work of 10 people. As far as the difficult child stuff goes, even if he never actually engages, you'll do whatever is needed because your a great mom and MOMS RULE ALL!!! I swear God is a woman. Keep your head up.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm pooped just reading your post. sheesh

    Here is what I'd do.....and have done since going back to school....

    Beyond the scope of my personal responsibility, if you want it done you're a big boy now do it yourself. Don't want to do it yourself? Then stop whining at me to do it.

    Why can't husband run to the supermarket and pitch in to help with household chores to ease the load off of you so you can get taxes and work done without being overwhelmed?

    The other day I had tons of homework, 2 tests, and 2 papers to write for the next day. husband had the gall to ask me when I was going to do laundry and wash the dishes, oh by the way what's for supper?? I just started laughing at him. Then turned back to my school work.

    In husband's defense he's been horribly spoiled. During my stay at home mom years he was waited on basically hand and foot. (stupid me) That stopped abruptly when I started school in Sept. lol

    Everything used to get dumped in my lap til I put a stop to it. Marriage is a partnership.

  12. MICHL

    MICHL New Member

    Alison, It's a very good thing you have a sense of humor!
  13. ROE

    ROE New Member

    Yikes, sorry there is so much stress in your life right now.

    I agree that husband should have a "to do" list. If he's home Thursday and Friday why can't he do the shopping, and the hair cuts..

    I think Sgwindsor has a good point too. Thinking back to when easy child was a Colicky infant, I was working full-time and trying to run the house on just a few hours sleep a night I recall being on the verge of a break down(and difficult child wasn't even born yet). I sat right down in the middle of the kitchen floor one day and cried while I was putting groceries away. I told husband that if he didn't start helping me around the house I was going to have to cut back to part-time because I couldn't handle it all. His response was "DON'T DO THAT" He said he would've helped me out "if he only knew what to do" It was a lame excuse but I jumped at the opening. I wrote up lists for both of us to do on a daily basis. He never followed it but he did start helping out. It never was 50/50 but I was to the point that any help was better than no help at all.

    I must say though, my husband (now dex) would not have had the nerve to harp on me if something wasn't done; not if I was earning an income too. I would've been all over him. If I wasn't working to earn an income than he would expect me to take care of everything at home (not that he should've but he would've).

    I hope less stressful days are coming your way soon. Good luck.