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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 121281" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>I'm not as familiar with your situation as others but there was so much in your post that I recognized as going on in my house. The statement "I'm not that person anymore"...yep, heard it many times around here. Not about violence but about stealing or messing with other people's stuff no matter how trivial.</p><p></p><p>Defiance for defiance sake? Got a lot of that too. Grandiose assertions? We're overflowing with those. Honestly, I've gotten to the point with my difficult child that he's put himself in this position. He'll be 18 in March but won't graduate hs till December. My original plan was to get him through school and find a group home where he could have some independance but still get the lifeskills he'll need to be on his own. Now though, his attitude is so bad, I am hoping to find a home after he's 18. He's defiant, snotty and self-important to the point that I'm done. I'm not going to throw him on the street but if he refuses to take advantage of the assistance offered him because he already "knows how to do all of that", then that's his problem. As parents, loved ones, caregivers and team member of these difficult child's, we can only do so much. If they refuse to participate in their own lives, we can't do it for them. If they refuse to believe that actions speak louder than words, it's their problem. My son isn't allowed in the homes of a couple of our friends because he's stolen from them. It wasn't anything big like their tv or computer but he still stole. He just doesn't get it. "I said I was sorry" or "I don't do that anymore" just doesn't cut it and he can't or won't understand. He complains about his "aides" that go to class with him but refuses to do what he needs to do to not have them there. Not my problem. </p><p></p><p>For your situation, in my humble opinion, if he isn't doing what he needs to do, I would NOT let him come home. If he isn't even willing to brush his teeth or wash his hair, why should he be willing to be non-violent? Even without the violence I wouldn't let him come home. His basic day-to-day attitude is enough to show me that he wants things on his terms and to heck with normal expectations of members of society. If you have to find another placement, so be it. He's had all kind of tools put before him to help him live independantly and he refuses to even look at them. You've done all you can, now it's up to him. Again, just my two cents worth.</p><p></p><p>Sending hugs and support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 121281, member: 2459"] I'm not as familiar with your situation as others but there was so much in your post that I recognized as going on in my house. The statement "I'm not that person anymore"...yep, heard it many times around here. Not about violence but about stealing or messing with other people's stuff no matter how trivial. Defiance for defiance sake? Got a lot of that too. Grandiose assertions? We're overflowing with those. Honestly, I've gotten to the point with my difficult child that he's put himself in this position. He'll be 18 in March but won't graduate hs till December. My original plan was to get him through school and find a group home where he could have some independance but still get the lifeskills he'll need to be on his own. Now though, his attitude is so bad, I am hoping to find a home after he's 18. He's defiant, snotty and self-important to the point that I'm done. I'm not going to throw him on the street but if he refuses to take advantage of the assistance offered him because he already "knows how to do all of that", then that's his problem. As parents, loved ones, caregivers and team member of these difficult child's, we can only do so much. If they refuse to participate in their own lives, we can't do it for them. If they refuse to believe that actions speak louder than words, it's their problem. My son isn't allowed in the homes of a couple of our friends because he's stolen from them. It wasn't anything big like their tv or computer but he still stole. He just doesn't get it. "I said I was sorry" or "I don't do that anymore" just doesn't cut it and he can't or won't understand. He complains about his "aides" that go to class with him but refuses to do what he needs to do to not have them there. Not my problem. For your situation, in my humble opinion, if he isn't doing what he needs to do, I would NOT let him come home. If he isn't even willing to brush his teeth or wash his hair, why should he be willing to be non-violent? Even without the violence I wouldn't let him come home. His basic day-to-day attitude is enough to show me that he wants things on his terms and to heck with normal expectations of members of society. If you have to find another placement, so be it. He's had all kind of tools put before him to help him live independantly and he refuses to even look at them. You've done all you can, now it's up to him. Again, just my two cents worth. Sending hugs and support. [/QUOTE]
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