Reality Therapy

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm wondering if that's what I should call it? This whole thing with stepgfg.

    easy child did make contact. Well, it actually was more of a lashing out with sarcastic anger than contact. Her first email to stepgfg was along the lines of Did you forget you had other siblings, or do you just not give a darn about the rest of the family?

    Stepgfg's reply started all of us. She said that Nichole had filled her in about easy child and the fact that easy child was still very hurt and angry. (true) She told easy child that she was giving her space to work thru her feelings and hoped that one day she would contact her. Stepgfg said that she is proud that easy child graduated HS in the honors society, That she was proud she had graduated at the top of her class in college and that she is a nurse. She told easy child that she is happy to know of easy child's son and the new child on the way. She apologized for hurting easy child. And said she hoped that someday they could be as close as they once were.

    This is the longest amount of anything to come from stepgfg.

    Unlike she planned to do, easy child has yet to respond to that. Stepgfg has emailed her again asking if she is okay. easy child had planned to blast Stepgfg with everything she'd pent up for 6 long years. Instead it is taking her days to construct a letter that is releasing all she thought and felt, but isn't attacking stepgfg. She filling it with the questions we've all held for so long. She is still saying what she wanted to say, but in a much kinder tone than she had originally planned.

    I find this surprising as easy child has been livid since stepgfg made contact.

    I am a firm believer in things happen for a reason. No doubt stepgfg probably has alterior motives for this contact.

    But Nichole has regained her memories and delt with the emotions that set her on the path of her downward spiral that lasted years. Nichole is seeing stepgfg now thru adult eyes. And as an adult she can grasp that while she doesn't approve of stepgfg's decisions and choices, and won't let her take advantage of her, she can still love her as her sister.

    And now easy child is working thru her own rage grieving thru constructing the letter to stepgfg. So maybe it will begin a healing process for her too.

    So even if stepgfg can't handle what easy child winds up having to say in the letter and breaks off contact.....Both of my girls have faced a major demon in their lives. It has created an opportunity for healing that I would've never expected before all of this started.

    And me.......well, knowing stepgfg is alive and well (so to speak) is enough. Info about the grands would be the golden prize. But since I don't think she has custody of any of them, I'm not expecting it. And awful as it sounds, since it does not sound like much has changed with stepgfg I rest easier thinking they are in foster care.

    Life can sure throw us curve balls.:faint:
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    It is very difficult when someone disappoints you so badly. Even more so when they hurt your children. Obviously you were all hurt tremendously by stepgfg. And you were all, in your own way, angry. Maybe this will allow forgiveness and healing for you---even if it doesn't go any further in re-building the relationship. I think you and the girls have handled it wonderfully.

    Last week I opened by school message board to find a message from my step-sister. When my father died, her mother did some really horrible things to my sister and I and she said in her message that she had just gotten up the courage to contact me. Unfortunately, the message was a year old, and even though I responded immediately, I have not heard back from her. I am ready to rebuild a relationship with her, but I will never, ever, let her mother near me, my children, or my grandson.

    I also contacted some former stepsisters---Are they still stepsisters if your parent's divorce? I was able to close that chapter of my life as well.

    Being able to close chapters is healing. For me, it has led to an inner peace. I hope your family finds that also.---Especially Nicole and easy child.
  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    You know easy child recently reached out to a former step sibling from my second marriage. She hasn't heard anything yet. It is the one regret of the whole thing is that we had to lose contact with him. Wasn't his fault that his dad was a major ........ (you can fill in with a whole lot on that line). I think sometimes they just need closer on some things.