Really bad day for ME

[robinm1922]

I just need to vent!
Got my difficult child into a Neuropsychologist they want to do more testing, my ex husband needs to give consent for testing does he NO! One way he can control the situation, he hasn't talked to difficult child in almost a year so it is obvious he doesn't give a .... about what is going on with her. Not to mention he doesn't think there is anything wrong with her that she is just lazy and mean! I guess if he admits there is something wrong with her then he would have to admit she gets it from him and he has serious issues!

The more I look into her school work the more I think she had ADD, she is 15 and can't remember to turn in COMPLETED class work! What is that? You do the work you don't turn it in?
I want to understand, I want to be supportive but wow is it hard today, what to do now?

Other than sticking my head under some pillows and crying my eyes out or screaming as loud as I can I feel lost, sad, disappointed and defeated.

Ok after I type this my pity party will end (maybe) and I will have to come up with a plan.

Plan A - ask psychiatrist to try difficult child on Strattera (what the neurodc suggested) without any further tests. Something has to give with school.
Plan B - go to a different Neuropsychologist and ask for the tests and tell them I have custody!
Plan C - go to my lawyer and see what I need to do to get full custody so I don't have to deal with this again! Not to mention get a HUGE child support increase why not get him where it hurts him the most!

Only problem with Plan C is the effect it will have on difficult child that is my biggest concern. It was the court process to change visitation that cause a lot of problems for her last year!

AWWWWWWW
I know I don't have it that bad I know that but boy it feels bad right now!
I think the time has come for me to find my own therapist, while I am hunting I hope you all don't mind me venting!

Thanks for letting me get it out, now what to do? Any suggestions?

 

[gcvmom]

I vote for plan C, or at least talk to a lawyer about reducing your ex's rights over your difficult child, considering his limited involvement in her life.

What a frustrating situation to be in!

 

[aeroeng]

I vote for plan C. and my oldest who is not even the difficult child that I post about also sometimes never hands in his completed homework. (gerr! - I know)

 

[bran155]

Another vote for C!! You are the one bearing the brunt of all of this, you are the one who is in it for the long haul, you are the one crying your eyes out, you are the one who loves this child so you should be the ONLY one making the decisions.

Muster up the courage and go for it.

Hang in there, there are better days to come!!!

 

[Mandy]

I vote C too!! I am so glad I have full custody of my difficult child because his bio dad does SQUAT!! It's my husband(difficult child's stepdad) that has been going over when he has a meltdown or needs to be talked to and I am the one that takes him to all his appts etc! difficult child's bio dad wants to do whatever is convienient to him more than what is best for difficult child!!

Oops, I guess I ranted a little with you Anyway, I definitly understand not wanting to hurt your difficult child but NOT getting her help will hurt her worse in the long run... if that makes sense! BIG HUGS!!

 

[klmno]

Yep- I think you can get a court order to allow the testing, whether or not you get full custody. You have plenty sufficient "stuff" to prove to a judge that you should be pursuing mental health treatment.

 

[KTMom91]

Is it specified in your divorce paperwork that the ex needs to approve everything medical? I'm asking because my ex has serious passive-aggressive issues, and would veto almost anything I wanted to do, so I stopped asking. I have primary physical custody; even though we have joint legal custody, I just went ahead and did whatever I felt needed to be done. My paperwork doesn't specify I need his consent. My vote is Plan B, especially if it's your insurance that will be covering the tests.

 

[TerryJ2]

You've got to talk to your lawyer. That's ridiculous. What if you just need a physical? What if your difficult child needs an ambulance?
I've never heard of anything like that before.

 

[BusynMember]

Another vote for C. If ex can't be bothered with his own child for a year, why should he have a voice in the treatment? I'd talk to a lawyer too!

 

[Nancy423]

Rack up another vote for option C. I'm not even sure why a neuro would want both bio's to ok the testing. Who's insurance covers difficult child? if it's the ex, then yeah, I could see why they might ask. Just kind of weird since I've never been asked about having difficult child's father ok anything.....and that's before they know family dynamics. husband has only been to maybe 1 appointment in the last 11 years! And he could probably count only a handful of appointment's he knew about LOL. he doesn't pay much attn to the calendar.

Oh, and if you go back to court, make sure you file to have the ex pay for the lawyer fees and court fees.

 

[klmno]

Since many have asked about why this is an issue- I don't want to answer for the original poster but I can tell you that as a single parent, I am asked many times if difficult child's father is in agreement and if he's willing to sign something to state that because apparently the profs are getting a lot of flack from courts and other parents about their mental health care for the child. I'm sure the poster is not the only person catching this from the profs.

 

[robinm1922]

Thanks for all the feed back. I am waiting to hear back from the doctor to see if he is willing to do testing without ex's permission. I have also asked why they need that since it is testing and not treatment not to mention she is already being treated for mental health issues.
I talked to my ex sister in law and she told me he doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her and she is just lazy and he sees no need for further testing. This is my insurance and I am so ticked off it isn't funny!
The last time I took my ex to court my difficult child spiraled out of control from the stress, she is my biggest concern.
I talked to her this weekend and told her I was going to have to take him back to court and I wanted to know how she felt about that. She doesn't want him "hurt" anymore than he has been already. I explained he would know that none of this is coming from her (she wanted to spend more time with me and that is the reason he doesn't see her anymore it "hurt" his feelings!) and that I don't have much of a choice.

I hope the neurodoc will still do the tests the insurance approved the testing and I want to get it done. My next call after that will be to my lawyer and get the process started so this won't be an issue again!

His sister said it best, he is going to look like an *** in court, be made to pay more support and he needs mental help as well!

I am in mama bear mode and so ready to have him out of my life!
I will let you know what the doctor says when and if he calls me back.

Thanks for listening!