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Really Cruddy Day
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 476818" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I'm feeling a bit better tonight. It was a bad moment............like I said, I was freaking. And you guys always listen, so I freaked out on you.</p><p></p><p>It's not just the grieving process, it's the unrelenting anxiety it's triggered. This whole, you gotta do it now thing just makes it worse. I'm lucky to step foot out my door and no one realizes how absolutely <em><strong>hard</strong></em> that is for me to do. Same with talking on the telephone. </p><p></p><p>The lawyer just asked for the balance and my brain did it's shut down thing on her. It was some mins before I could even speak coherently. And I know she noticed because of her reaction. I know the acct balance, easy child knows the acct balance as she saw it the last time we withdrew money. I'm pretty darn sure I saw a statement for this month because I'd had a rather enormous panic attack I'd been spending too much money and I remember being relieved it was no where what I'd thought I might have spent. I'm thinking I set it aside instead of putting it into my bill holder thing on my desk like I thought I did. But it shouldn't matter. The bank knows which accts are husband's due to his SS number. He had 2, one for unemployment and one for SS which could have funds added to it. The unemployment one is empty. </p><p></p><p>My brain has been doing the shut down thing a lot lately, and quite frankly it scares the hades out of me when it does it. It's like this enormous black void, seriously. Scary stuff. No thought, no nothing. A huge literal duh moment that can last from a few seconds to hours. That by the way is NOT helping the anxiety either. ugh</p><p></p><p>I did it with the lawyer on the phone then I did it again shortly before I posted. I get a tad nutty when it happens. </p><p></p><p>So far no one is talking probate, not even the lawyer. What I'm being told is that it is a simple process of getting me appointed executor as husband's wife. (doesn't sound so simple to me, but what do I know)</p><p></p><p>She said I had illness and injury on it. Well, then it STILL ought to be covered. husband had a massive heart attack which gave him a terminal illness which he died from. Duh. This whole thing about this mortgage insurance is really driving me nuts because I know d@mn good and well we had it. Insurance co we have now is the same insurance co we had the day we signed the house papers. Loan co is the same loan co we had the day we signed those papers. And if I'm gonna pay a lawyer good money, she better work her tail off to figure out who is responsible and make them pay off.</p><p></p><p>And I would walk into the lawyers office and go all blubbery female on her if I could, but I can't. I can't even fake that sort of behavior. At best it would last about 30 seconds. </p><p></p><p>I'll take her the original house closing paperwork (I think I have most of it), the original insurance papers, and talk to her a bit more. That's all I can do.</p><p></p><p>Tonight I'm treating myself to some really good rum. I'm not going for numb, I'd just be grateful if my muscles would untwist out of the knots they've been in for weeks and relax a bit. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/sigh.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sigh:" title="sigh :sigh:" data-shortname=":sigh:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 476818, member: 84"] I'm feeling a bit better tonight. It was a bad moment............like I said, I was freaking. And you guys always listen, so I freaked out on you. It's not just the grieving process, it's the unrelenting anxiety it's triggered. This whole, you gotta do it now thing just makes it worse. I'm lucky to step foot out my door and no one realizes how absolutely [I][B]hard[/B][/I] that is for me to do. Same with talking on the telephone. The lawyer just asked for the balance and my brain did it's shut down thing on her. It was some mins before I could even speak coherently. And I know she noticed because of her reaction. I know the acct balance, easy child knows the acct balance as she saw it the last time we withdrew money. I'm pretty darn sure I saw a statement for this month because I'd had a rather enormous panic attack I'd been spending too much money and I remember being relieved it was no where what I'd thought I might have spent. I'm thinking I set it aside instead of putting it into my bill holder thing on my desk like I thought I did. But it shouldn't matter. The bank knows which accts are husband's due to his SS number. He had 2, one for unemployment and one for SS which could have funds added to it. The unemployment one is empty. My brain has been doing the shut down thing a lot lately, and quite frankly it scares the hades out of me when it does it. It's like this enormous black void, seriously. Scary stuff. No thought, no nothing. A huge literal duh moment that can last from a few seconds to hours. That by the way is NOT helping the anxiety either. ugh I did it with the lawyer on the phone then I did it again shortly before I posted. I get a tad nutty when it happens. So far no one is talking probate, not even the lawyer. What I'm being told is that it is a simple process of getting me appointed executor as husband's wife. (doesn't sound so simple to me, but what do I know) She said I had illness and injury on it. Well, then it STILL ought to be covered. husband had a massive heart attack which gave him a terminal illness which he died from. Duh. This whole thing about this mortgage insurance is really driving me nuts because I know d@mn good and well we had it. Insurance co we have now is the same insurance co we had the day we signed the house papers. Loan co is the same loan co we had the day we signed those papers. And if I'm gonna pay a lawyer good money, she better work her tail off to figure out who is responsible and make them pay off. And I would walk into the lawyers office and go all blubbery female on her if I could, but I can't. I can't even fake that sort of behavior. At best it would last about 30 seconds. I'll take her the original house closing paperwork (I think I have most of it), the original insurance papers, and talk to her a bit more. That's all I can do. Tonight I'm treating myself to some really good rum. I'm not going for numb, I'd just be grateful if my muscles would untwist out of the knots they've been in for weeks and relax a bit. :sigh: [/QUOTE]
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