JJJ
Active Member
***I need to VENT!!!!***
When she lived at home, Kanga had her belts taken away from her because she used them as a weapon. Her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) didn't allow belts. Kanga has claimed since September that her current school requires belts. We explained to her then and every time that she has brought it up since that she needs to provide us a copy of the dress code saying they are required. She has not done so. The night before our last visit, I reminded her to get the written dress code. She did not. Found out that she didn't care because she had bought 2 belts during a hygiene shopping trip. We took the belts away. She got mad, tried to manipulate staff(the house director) and was told they would call me to discuss it, Kanga ignored them and bought another belt (a different staff person took the girls shopping than had told her no). So, they dropped her level and took the belt away.
But, the house director called me with the therapist and they want me to let her have the belts. I explained that we told Kanga that if the belts were truly required by the school to get us a written copy of the dress code and if it said that belts were required, then she could have her belts. She told staff that we told her that we needed a phone call from the principal. Staff feels that Kanga was confused and didn't understand what we wanted her to do. That is such malarkey. She knew what she had to do, she complained that it was too hard to remember to ask for a copy of the dress code.
She said Kanga thinks that I am a control freak so I need to give in so that Kanga doesn't think that. Too be 100% honest, I don't care if Kanga thinks I am a control freak. Because I AM THE PARENT and I DO control her access to many, many things. I'm not trying to be her friend, I am trying to teach her that if you threaten me or attempt to manipulate me, it won't work. Way to go Residential Treatment Center (RTC) on undercutting that.
The house director said she thought I should have called the school and asked if belts were required. Why? I didn't want her to have a belt, if it was something she wanted, she needed to do the work. Apparently, it was too much to ask that my 14 year old to show me a copy of the dress code. (This is the same house director that wanted me to tell Kanga she couldn't wear make-up and got frustrated when I told her that wasn't one of my lines in the sand and if she wanted Kanga to stop wearing make-up, I'd support her but it needed to be an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) rule because I wasn't fighting that battle since Kanga had been appropriate with her minimal makeup at home).
The therapist and house director are suppose to explain to Kanga that she "misunderstood" what she needed to do and they are going to help her find the page in her school notebook that has the dress code so that she can show me when I visit her this weekend. And then I'm suppose to go all warm and fuzzy that she finally did this and give her all of her belts.
The house director kept going on and on about "repairing your relationship with your daughter". I finally asked her if she truly understood that Kanga was there because she tried to -- and still wants to -- kill her brother. That my relationship with her is really irrelevant to her return home (as far as what is necessary for her to safely live here).
The house director was also mad because she didn't feel that I was giving Kanga enough "congrats" for not being violent in 6 months at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Honestly, it both infuriates and saddens me that she has been non-violent at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It infuriates me because she obviously has control of her actions but choose to try and hurt/kill us. It infuriates me because she has told me that she doesn't hit anyone at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because no one is smaller than her and there are too many staff who can restrain her. She says that her brothers and sister are smaller than her and she can hurt them when she wants. She says she doesn't care if I have to restrain her. She said -- just last week -- that if she got mad at her little brother she would get a gun and shoot him. It saddens me because I feel that there is something broke inside her to make her this calculatingly cruel. And it frightens me that the goal remains return home...
When she lived at home, Kanga had her belts taken away from her because she used them as a weapon. Her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) didn't allow belts. Kanga has claimed since September that her current school requires belts. We explained to her then and every time that she has brought it up since that she needs to provide us a copy of the dress code saying they are required. She has not done so. The night before our last visit, I reminded her to get the written dress code. She did not. Found out that she didn't care because she had bought 2 belts during a hygiene shopping trip. We took the belts away. She got mad, tried to manipulate staff(the house director) and was told they would call me to discuss it, Kanga ignored them and bought another belt (a different staff person took the girls shopping than had told her no). So, they dropped her level and took the belt away.
But, the house director called me with the therapist and they want me to let her have the belts. I explained that we told Kanga that if the belts were truly required by the school to get us a written copy of the dress code and if it said that belts were required, then she could have her belts. She told staff that we told her that we needed a phone call from the principal. Staff feels that Kanga was confused and didn't understand what we wanted her to do. That is such malarkey. She knew what she had to do, she complained that it was too hard to remember to ask for a copy of the dress code.
She said Kanga thinks that I am a control freak so I need to give in so that Kanga doesn't think that. Too be 100% honest, I don't care if Kanga thinks I am a control freak. Because I AM THE PARENT and I DO control her access to many, many things. I'm not trying to be her friend, I am trying to teach her that if you threaten me or attempt to manipulate me, it won't work. Way to go Residential Treatment Center (RTC) on undercutting that.
The house director said she thought I should have called the school and asked if belts were required. Why? I didn't want her to have a belt, if it was something she wanted, she needed to do the work. Apparently, it was too much to ask that my 14 year old to show me a copy of the dress code. (This is the same house director that wanted me to tell Kanga she couldn't wear make-up and got frustrated when I told her that wasn't one of my lines in the sand and if she wanted Kanga to stop wearing make-up, I'd support her but it needed to be an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) rule because I wasn't fighting that battle since Kanga had been appropriate with her minimal makeup at home).
The therapist and house director are suppose to explain to Kanga that she "misunderstood" what she needed to do and they are going to help her find the page in her school notebook that has the dress code so that she can show me when I visit her this weekend. And then I'm suppose to go all warm and fuzzy that she finally did this and give her all of her belts.
The house director kept going on and on about "repairing your relationship with your daughter". I finally asked her if she truly understood that Kanga was there because she tried to -- and still wants to -- kill her brother. That my relationship with her is really irrelevant to her return home (as far as what is necessary for her to safely live here).
The house director was also mad because she didn't feel that I was giving Kanga enough "congrats" for not being violent in 6 months at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Honestly, it both infuriates and saddens me that she has been non-violent at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It infuriates me because she obviously has control of her actions but choose to try and hurt/kill us. It infuriates me because she has told me that she doesn't hit anyone at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because no one is smaller than her and there are too many staff who can restrain her. She says that her brothers and sister are smaller than her and she can hurt them when she wants. She says she doesn't care if I have to restrain her. She said -- just last week -- that if she got mad at her little brother she would get a gun and shoot him. It saddens me because I feel that there is something broke inside her to make her this calculatingly cruel. And it frightens me that the goal remains return home...
