nateisnuts
New Member
so ive been
letting this therapist come into my home 2x a week for 2 months now..thinking were trying to do the right thing here...well nate has a re-evaluation for oct 7th and she gave me her evaluation that shes going to hand in so i could read it over...now before i post the highlights let me explain one more thing here..we live behind my parents in a small mother in law cottage, 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, the house is actually a garage that the previous owner converted. we have lived here since weve been married..7 1/2 years. it is getting harder with both boys, but we are looking into our other options..hud, habitat, low income housing and so forth.
now..my nate has never...NEVER gone a day where he has not gone upstairs to see his grampa and gramma. my hubby works 2nd shift, 5pm-2am so my mom helps me ALOT with the boys at night. my dad is disabled so i help ALOT with taking him to apts, checking on him, running errands for him so mom doesnt have to miss alot of work. grampa is grampa lol he doesnt want to be a diciplinarian, but he tries not to let him get to out of hand.
we all try to work together so everyone gets taken care of ya know? ok so with that in mind here are some of the highlights from this ****ing *****'s report
hyperactivity demonstrated appears within normal age limits
lack of appropriate boundaries allows client to manipulate
adult authorities
client has learned how to aacelerate stressors
enforcing consequences often proves to be beyond the tolerance
level of adult authorities
reinforcement of manipulative behaviors continues to be an
issue
mother becomes overly dependent on caretaking from extended
family about whom she complains cause disruption and defiance
mother has impulsive dependency needs
father, while a participant in childrearing, often gives
appearance that he enables manipulation by giving in to clients
impulsive behavior rather than addressing his complaints because
there is an underlying demeanor that this activity compromises his
own free time when not working outside the home
this is familiar to client since he is frequently exposed to very
permissive caretaking strategies to limit an adults stressors
with rare enforcement of any consequences
coping skills within both the immediate and extended family
environments are inadequetely developed
there is a negative interaction pattern developed from parental
frustrations to behaviors
ofetn the parents respond to normal 3 yr old behavior with offensive
style creating a degree of defensiveness on the part of the client
consequences are not consistently applied there are often empty threats
parents undermine each other and cloud boundaries...parents rarely
practice a unified front
i am so freaking ****** its not even funny...so are my parents and husband...here we are trying to do the best we can in a stressful situation and she comes in and twists things and makes it sound like we are just stressed out adults who cant handle one little 3 yr old! she got things so wrong...i got this on thursday and its monday and im still seeing red!! shes here for a lousy 3 or 4 hours a week! and im sorry but i havent seen her really do anything with nate...she gets him to repeat rules back to her and she does this thumbs up/thumbs down for good behavior bad behavior, but mostly she just lets him play with her box of toys and does puzles with him. im not gonna take this quietly..im gonna dispute this whole thing...but i dont want her back here. i really think we just need to take a step back and find our own way to handle nate..maybe if he gets worse when hes in school he may need help again...but until then i really dont want anyone here. and the "stressors" shes referring to...i have fibromyalgia, for almost 12 years now..i havent been doing well lately, i dont know if im in a bad flare or somethings progressing...but i still take damn good care of both these boys, my house is clean, dinner is made, im up with the baby when he gets up at night...i dont get to rest, my hubby thinks hes way more entitled because he works....but i keep going and doing what i gotta do ya know...so i guess that counts for nothing...oh yeah and all this? is on top of taking care of my 11 month old who has some small developmental delays and sensory isues...so i have developmental therapy coming every other week for him and occupational
therapy every week and of course the numerous dr's apts...but hey, im over reacting ya know...and we are all just being mean to nate...hes not hyper or oppositional...and about my hubby..yeah he can be a jerk sometimes, but he is a good dad and has ALWAYS been there for me and the boys and my family no matter what...he just doesnt like her so he tends to show his *** when she's here lol
i posted this in a vent room and one of the responses i got was this
Maybe she was seeing actions and behaviors that the family are not seeing. After all noone wants to here they need parenting help. I wouldn't be ******. I would use all the resources they provide to become better parents.
and this was my reply
shes not seeing behaviors we dont see..shes taking things that are going on and twisting them! because nate goes upstairs and sees grampa every day she is saying im overly dependent on my extended family and im relying on them for care taking...like i cant take care of my own kids! HE WANTS HIS GRAMPA FOR GODS SAKE! and my dad is always happy to see him and play with him! and the consistency thing...im sorry but its not my dads job to dicipline him..its mine! yeah he can tell him no dont do that or you cant have that and if he really acts up he sends him back downstairs and i take care of the situation. shes saying that because im stressed out and i have some medical issues that i have impulsive dependency needs and blah blah blah...i know women who have fibro who have not had children at all because they dont think they can handle it....its very hard!! but i still cowboy up and do what i gotta do!! and what you said about not wanting to hear i need parenting help? why do you think we sought out help in the first place! we want the help and we are willing to work and learn...but shes twisting things all around and making it sound like we arent caring for our kids!!
my other concern is if she says its all us and hes just fine and dandy will he lose the medical assistance?? thats how i get his medication for his sleep...this is such a mess...i didnt get a good vibe when she first came and now i guess i know why....
letting this therapist come into my home 2x a week for 2 months now..thinking were trying to do the right thing here...well nate has a re-evaluation for oct 7th and she gave me her evaluation that shes going to hand in so i could read it over...now before i post the highlights let me explain one more thing here..we live behind my parents in a small mother in law cottage, 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom, the house is actually a garage that the previous owner converted. we have lived here since weve been married..7 1/2 years. it is getting harder with both boys, but we are looking into our other options..hud, habitat, low income housing and so forth.
now..my nate has never...NEVER gone a day where he has not gone upstairs to see his grampa and gramma. my hubby works 2nd shift, 5pm-2am so my mom helps me ALOT with the boys at night. my dad is disabled so i help ALOT with taking him to apts, checking on him, running errands for him so mom doesnt have to miss alot of work. grampa is grampa lol he doesnt want to be a diciplinarian, but he tries not to let him get to out of hand.
we all try to work together so everyone gets taken care of ya know? ok so with that in mind here are some of the highlights from this ****ing *****'s report
hyperactivity demonstrated appears within normal age limits
lack of appropriate boundaries allows client to manipulate
adult authorities
client has learned how to aacelerate stressors
enforcing consequences often proves to be beyond the tolerance
level of adult authorities
reinforcement of manipulative behaviors continues to be an
issue
mother becomes overly dependent on caretaking from extended
family about whom she complains cause disruption and defiance
mother has impulsive dependency needs
father, while a participant in childrearing, often gives
appearance that he enables manipulation by giving in to clients
impulsive behavior rather than addressing his complaints because
there is an underlying demeanor that this activity compromises his
own free time when not working outside the home
this is familiar to client since he is frequently exposed to very
permissive caretaking strategies to limit an adults stressors
with rare enforcement of any consequences
coping skills within both the immediate and extended family
environments are inadequetely developed
there is a negative interaction pattern developed from parental
frustrations to behaviors
ofetn the parents respond to normal 3 yr old behavior with offensive
style creating a degree of defensiveness on the part of the client
consequences are not consistently applied there are often empty threats
parents undermine each other and cloud boundaries...parents rarely
practice a unified front
i am so freaking ****** its not even funny...so are my parents and husband...here we are trying to do the best we can in a stressful situation and she comes in and twists things and makes it sound like we are just stressed out adults who cant handle one little 3 yr old! she got things so wrong...i got this on thursday and its monday and im still seeing red!! shes here for a lousy 3 or 4 hours a week! and im sorry but i havent seen her really do anything with nate...she gets him to repeat rules back to her and she does this thumbs up/thumbs down for good behavior bad behavior, but mostly she just lets him play with her box of toys and does puzles with him. im not gonna take this quietly..im gonna dispute this whole thing...but i dont want her back here. i really think we just need to take a step back and find our own way to handle nate..maybe if he gets worse when hes in school he may need help again...but until then i really dont want anyone here. and the "stressors" shes referring to...i have fibromyalgia, for almost 12 years now..i havent been doing well lately, i dont know if im in a bad flare or somethings progressing...but i still take damn good care of both these boys, my house is clean, dinner is made, im up with the baby when he gets up at night...i dont get to rest, my hubby thinks hes way more entitled because he works....but i keep going and doing what i gotta do ya know...so i guess that counts for nothing...oh yeah and all this? is on top of taking care of my 11 month old who has some small developmental delays and sensory isues...so i have developmental therapy coming every other week for him and occupational
therapy every week and of course the numerous dr's apts...but hey, im over reacting ya know...and we are all just being mean to nate...hes not hyper or oppositional...and about my hubby..yeah he can be a jerk sometimes, but he is a good dad and has ALWAYS been there for me and the boys and my family no matter what...he just doesnt like her so he tends to show his *** when she's here lol
i posted this in a vent room and one of the responses i got was this
Maybe she was seeing actions and behaviors that the family are not seeing. After all noone wants to here they need parenting help. I wouldn't be ******. I would use all the resources they provide to become better parents.
and this was my reply
shes not seeing behaviors we dont see..shes taking things that are going on and twisting them! because nate goes upstairs and sees grampa every day she is saying im overly dependent on my extended family and im relying on them for care taking...like i cant take care of my own kids! HE WANTS HIS GRAMPA FOR GODS SAKE! and my dad is always happy to see him and play with him! and the consistency thing...im sorry but its not my dads job to dicipline him..its mine! yeah he can tell him no dont do that or you cant have that and if he really acts up he sends him back downstairs and i take care of the situation. shes saying that because im stressed out and i have some medical issues that i have impulsive dependency needs and blah blah blah...i know women who have fibro who have not had children at all because they dont think they can handle it....its very hard!! but i still cowboy up and do what i gotta do!! and what you said about not wanting to hear i need parenting help? why do you think we sought out help in the first place! we want the help and we are willing to work and learn...but shes twisting things all around and making it sound like we arent caring for our kids!!
my other concern is if she says its all us and hes just fine and dandy will he lose the medical assistance?? thats how i get his medication for his sleep...this is such a mess...i didnt get a good vibe when she first came and now i guess i know why....