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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 575807" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>I couldn't agree more with what TL said. It's imperative that you and your husband are on the same page on this issue and that you are at peace with that decision and support each other. My husband and I talked about this possibility many times ever since difficult child became sexually active. We knew exactly what we would support and what we wouldn't, what help we would give and what advice we would offer. We hoped and prayed that day would never come and we did everything in our power to ensure that including taking her to dr appointments and paying for her birth control for years. But we coudn't force her to use it and of course the inevitable happened. Because we had prepared ourselves for that possibility there was no hesitation on our part when faced with the news. We told difficult child what we would and would not support and made it clear to her that it was not an option for us to raise this child or provide financial assistance. We tried to explain to her what the future would hold for her and the baby and we offered her counseling to help in making the decision.</p><p></p><p>And then we backed out of her life, telling her that it was her decision and that whatever she chose it had to be hers. We had no contact with her for about a month, none. No calls, no texts, no checking up on her, nothing. We were sick with concern but ready to walk away. You may think we are cold hearted but you also have to understand what we had been through for most of her life and we were not willing to put ourselves or our other daughter through any more.</p><p></p><p>I am a strong believer that young people need to understand the ramifications of their decisions to bring another living person into this world. If they cannot take care of themselves they certainly cannot take care of a baby and to expect anyone else to step into that role is just not facing their responsibility. </p><p></p><p>Our difficult child did go for counseling twice, on her own. She finally came to us and asked for the help we offered.</p><p></p><p>Please make sure you and husband know what you can live with and let her know and then stop rescuing her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 575807, member: 59"] I couldn't agree more with what TL said. It's imperative that you and your husband are on the same page on this issue and that you are at peace with that decision and support each other. My husband and I talked about this possibility many times ever since difficult child became sexually active. We knew exactly what we would support and what we wouldn't, what help we would give and what advice we would offer. We hoped and prayed that day would never come and we did everything in our power to ensure that including taking her to dr appointments and paying for her birth control for years. But we coudn't force her to use it and of course the inevitable happened. Because we had prepared ourselves for that possibility there was no hesitation on our part when faced with the news. We told difficult child what we would and would not support and made it clear to her that it was not an option for us to raise this child or provide financial assistance. We tried to explain to her what the future would hold for her and the baby and we offered her counseling to help in making the decision. And then we backed out of her life, telling her that it was her decision and that whatever she chose it had to be hers. We had no contact with her for about a month, none. No calls, no texts, no checking up on her, nothing. We were sick with concern but ready to walk away. You may think we are cold hearted but you also have to understand what we had been through for most of her life and we were not willing to put ourselves or our other daughter through any more. I am a strong believer that young people need to understand the ramifications of their decisions to bring another living person into this world. If they cannot take care of themselves they certainly cannot take care of a baby and to expect anyone else to step into that role is just not facing their responsibility. Our difficult child did go for counseling twice, on her own. She finally came to us and asked for the help we offered. Please make sure you and husband know what you can live with and let her know and then stop rescuing her. [/QUOTE]
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