Really, really, REALLY need your help. Falling apart. Son's marriage related.

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Thanks, Susie and Terry.

Yes, she is the child of divorce and alcoholism and is a control freak. She will never go to ACOA though. She doesn't believe in "labels." Yes, one of those. So she is not going to admit she is the way she is because of her parents. And she would never do anything I suggested or even that son suggested. At this point in time, she is only listening to herself and her sister. She is in therapy, but she told son about her session and basically she did not really touch any deep issues. It was more about how "demanding" (that's the word her therapist used) my son has been to expect her to not tell all of their marital issues to her sister, who is trying to get them divorced (she didn't mention the second part). But son agrees that he has no right to tell her who to talk to about anything. He knows he has a tendency to be controlling and is trying to learn not to be that way. However, he also needs a sounding board, and that is me. I can only imagine how angry his wife would be if she knew. With her there are double standards. However, I'm not going to tell her that my son confides in me.
 

Shari

IsItFridayYet?
Again...many adults never really moved past the fifth grade behaviors...wow.

I don't have any advice other than to realize you can't change daughter in law's feelings, all you can do is change your reaction...A little book called the Four AGreements helped/helps me. I re-read it often.

As for your son, I'Learning Disability (LD) tell him that it is hard for you to be non-biased because of your feelings toward daughter in law, but you will listen and do your best to be there for him. That's all you can do.

Hugs, lady.
 

Shari

IsItFridayYet?
One other thought, MWM...I think daughters just tend to turn to their moms and I think its just the way things are. Paternal grandma's never seem to be as "in the loop" as maternal grandmas, except when odd situations occur in the family.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I really do believe that "A son is a son till he gets him a wife. A daughter..."

My daughter is so different than my son. If her SO treated her like son's wife is treating him (or me) she'd toss his cute buns out the door with his dirty laundry. Nothing could break our bond and she would never allow her SO to ban her child from me.


I don't believe my son would allow his wife to ban him from his family. He is too bonded to us and would NEVER not see us ever again. That far he'd never let her go.

I'm glad I have another therapy appointment today. I'm learning to detach a bit from the situation. I can listen to him and let him vent without giving any advice...and limit the time I allow myself to listen, since it is stressful to me. Why doesn't he talk to his dad? :peaceful: Kidding. His dad doesn't "get" emotional stuff unless he's the one going through it.
 
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