Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Steph80000, Aug 2, 2009.

  1. Steph80000

    Steph80000 New Member

    I have visited this site on and off for a number of years. My difficult child is my 15-year-old son. He is going to have to be sent out of my home. He's unsafe, threatening, and beyond control. He has many other issues, too.

    Does anyone have any suggestions about where I could find recommendations for good Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and/or EGBS's?

    Thank you.

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi, Stephanie and Welcome! Several members here have had their children placed in different types of places- mine is currently in state detention. But many times help can be received at home so an out-of-home placement isn't necessary. Can you tell us a little more about your child's history and exactly what is going on now?
  3. Steph80000

    Steph80000 New Member

    My son was first diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5-years-old, then the docs have added to that diagnosis, switched it, and everything else since then. They've mentioned biopolar disorder, aspergers, and ODD. I think he's definitely ODD in the extreme. He also has learning disabilities and is socially immature. He has wrecked my house and has hit me in the past. I am a single mother of three children and I need to keep my youngest two children safe (daughter 13, son 11). I am the only adult in the home.

    I filed an out-of-control child charge against him and he's been in detention and on probation. The judge told me privately that he didn't think that detention was a good place for my son because he is so immature and easily influenced. My son is also so well-behaved everywhere else - school, church, etc., he is violent and threatening only with me. The judge asked me if I wanted to turn custody of him over to the state, but I didn't want to do that.

    difficult child's doctors have helped me recently secure a medical card for him in hopes of getting him placed somewhere.

    He's also been in a local psychiatric hospital two times for a month each time.

    We receive in-home services for one hour of counseling a week and a small bit of funding that will pay for respite care. He also receives private counseling for one hour a week.

    Currently, he's on Abilify and Trileptal, but the docs have tried everything with him. Nothing has helped.

    He is in special education at school and his IEP is okay. He has never been a behavior problem at school. His learning disabilities are in reading and math.

    When he was younger he was remorseful for his bad behavior, but over the last 6 months it's like someone has removed his remorse "button." Now he doesn't care what he does or says to hurt something or someone. Something in the last 6 months has changed and I can't put my finger on it. I don't feel like my other two children and I are safe anymore. He is verbally, emotionally, and (at times) physically abusive.

    It's not an option for my son to live with his father, but his father has agreed to pay for placement/treatment for him if the medical card won't cover it (he has the $$ to be able to do that). Since we only received the medical card a couple of weeks ago - I'm still not sure what type of placement it covers.

    Sorry this is long - but I hope that helps explains a little bit about what's going on with my son and our family.

    I'm overwhelmed trying to keep everyone safe. I don't even know where to begin to look for a place for him. I hear so many stories about different places - I just don't know what to think. I don't know if a hospital type setting would be better or if a "boys home/boarding school" type setting would be better.

    I'm not sure what to do.

    Thank you for any help or suggestions.

  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Hi Stephanie and welcome. A couple of thoughts for your consideration:

    I find it interesting that your son is 'so well behaved everywhere else'. When a child/person is bipolar/ODD or whatever the diagnosis, it is usually across the board. The fact that he saves his rage just for you needs to be addressed in my humble opinion.

    We sent our daughter to an boarding school for about 16 months. I will tell you that they are VERY expensive. You must be very cautious if this is the route you choose to take. There are many programs that are harsh - even abusive in my opinion - so you MUST do your homework. I would suggest starting with an "Educational Consultant" if you can afford the fees. They will assess your son and help to place him in an appropriate setting. You don't want to put your son in a facility with other kids who do not share his difficulties or a facility that is very punitive.

    What is your sense about your son? Can you pinpoint when his troubles began? What does he rage about? What might be going on in his environment that would be causing him stress? I would encourage you to look at the whole picture. (For instance, I found out years after the fact that my daughter was acting out in school because she was being bullied).

    Come and post often. It helps to get things straight in your own mind. Good luck.
  5. dadside

    dadside New Member

    I agree wholeheartedly with goldenguru that the fact of your son saving his rage for you needs high attention. It also seems to me that despite two psychiatric hospitalizations and all of the other attention from counseling professionals there is no good assessment of what the root issue(s) is/are. Until you get that, any boarding school or any return to the local hospital only gets him out of your house without really addressing his problem. For the sake of you and your other two children, another placement could be in order, but make it somewhere different and with resources and expertise to provide effective help – likely a psychiatric hospital in a major city.

    (My son was in three different phosps at 3 or 4 different times, only once for over a week. One place actually was worse than nothing, one marginal, and one an hour+ away the only good one for him- and this in a major metropolitan area. Ths point is to check hospital specialties first.)

    There are “educational consultants” and there are “educational consultants”. There are no minimum standards or basic services required to call oneself an Ed.Con. Even among the good ones, the range of expertise and services varies greatly. (And ... some less-than-open ones really only front for schools that pay them fees for referrals.) I really think you need a good diagnosis first. If and when the time comes for a therapeutic school – whether called Residential Treatment Center (RTC), EGBS or TBS – and you have a better diagnosis to know what needs be done you might check back here for possible specific placement suggestions (which could be given through pms.)