recommendations

[Steph80000]

I surrender. My son is almost 14-years-old and I can no longer live with him. He's violent, verbally abusive, threatening, and it's only getting worse. I have a twelve-year-old daughter and a nine-year-old son who have told me that they don't feel safe around him. I'm now a single mother and I don't have a lot of help with him.

I am grasping at straws.

Does anyone have any recommendations for therapeutic boarding schools? My aunt had sent me some information on Stone Mountain School in North Carolina, but I was hoping to find something closer to where we live in Lexington, Kentucky.

Can anyone offer any suggestions or recommendations about schools or where I should start to look?

I'm exhausted.

Stephanie

 

[jamrobmic]

We haven't had to go this route, but there are a lot of board members who do have experience with this. Since this is a holiday, responses might be slow, but I'm sure others will come along soon who can give you more help in this area. I do know this site has been helpful to some:

http://www.strugglingteens.com/

I hope you can get some relief from your son's chaos (unfortunately, I do have some experience with that).

 

[Steely]

I know of a supposedly excellent place in Austin Texas, but I know that may be a bit far for you. You can private mail me, and I will be glad to give you the name. Also, you might contact social services in your state and see what they recommend. Does his counselor or pysch have any ideas?

So sorry you are going through this.

 

[meowbunny]

Sometimes having our kids too close is not a good thing. It makes us more apt to want to "save" them. Another big problem is if they are runners. It's so much easier to call someone to get you if you're nearby or catch a bus or whatever because you know what's available.

RTCs, EMGBs and the like are hard. Sometimes I think it was three times as hard on me than it was on my daughter. You miss your child, you hope your child is okay, you feel guilty that someone else is succeeding where you failed. Having said that, I don't regret that my daughter went to one. It honestly didn't help her all that much at the time but it did give her some good tools for today and that may be more important.

Rather than going for location, make sure it is the right fit. Some deal with kids with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and adoption issues. Some deal with violence and ODD behavior. Some are geared to an autistic and/or BiPolar (BP) child. Some are lockdown facilities. So, wherever you may ultimately send your child, make it the right one for the behavior/illness rather than the one that you think you'll like the best.

I wish you luck in this search. It is not easy and it is most definitely painful. If you need a hand or a shoulder or have questions, don't hesitate to PM me.

 

[goldenguru]

Hi Steph and welcome.

Just curious what things you have tried at home thus far to deal with your sons behaviors?

Like meowbunny we committed our daughter to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 16 months. If you have specific questions I'll be glad to share our experience. Also like meowbunny - placing her was the most difficult thing I have ever done. EVER.

 

[BusynMember]

Is he taking illegal drugs or drinking a lot?
I don't believe an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will cure any kids and in my opinion most don't really change anything that much. But if nobody can figure out what's wrong with him and he is resistant to treatment sometimes the kids have to live away from home both to stay off the streets (and their negative peers) and to keep us and our other kiddos safe. If you want to give him one more chance, I'd drag him to a neuropsychologist for a complete, last evaluation to see if there is help for him--he could have been misdiagonsed. He could also be on drugs, making him worse. My daughter started drugs at twelve--yes twelve. If a teen starts acting up, that's the first thing I think of after our unpleasant experience! Good luck.

 

[Steph80000]

Thanks for all of the insight and suggestions. His behavior has always been pretty bad - but the last few months it's been more intimidating and violent. I personally think it because of the kind of example he saw from his father. I don't think my son's psychiatrist and counselor believe how bad his behavior can be.

I don't think he's using alcohol and/or drugs - but I could be wrong. We've tried everything we can at home. He still struggles with depression because of divorce issues. His dad divorced me three years ago and it was an extremely traumatic situation - every nightmare you could imagine.

So his issues are depression (because of the divorce), learning disability (dyslexia), ADHD, struggling in school, impulsive, and explosive anger.

It's discouraging to hear that some of you guys haven't had much luck with Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s. I'm at a loss as to what else to do. I was hoping that by choosing someplace that's closer to where we live that the facility could work with the family, too. I did find a place in Cincinnati - which is a little over an hour from where we live.

I've thought about boarding schools, too - ANYTHING that would help.

I'm pretty desperate.

Stephanie C.

 

[I'm going crazy!!!]

my son is only 6 but just wanted to say welcome and ya'll are in my prayers

from everything i've read even though some have said they didn't see or believe Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s are very helpful i haven't once read where anyone ever regretted putting their child in one in the long run just my observation good luck with whatever you decide and remember you have 2 other kids you're responsible for as well as yourself so be safe my love

 

[Sara PA]

Is he taking any medication?

 

[Steph80000]

He's on maximum dose of Seroquel. I left messages for his psychiatrist on Friday because I think it needs to be changed. He's so aggressive...

Stephanie C.

 

[jannie]

Hi and welcome !! Has he ever tried any mood stablizers? Perhaps it is more than depression and combined with anger, violence and agression...it could be some type of mood disorder.

How was his behavior a few years ago prior to the divorce? What symptoms were you seeing then?

I'm sorry but I don't have any recommendations regarding Residential Treatment Center (RTC). What kind of support does he have at school?

 

[Sara PA]

The maximum dose of Seroquel is 800 or 900 mg day. Is he on that much? And for how long?

Seroquel is an antipsychotic (major tranquilizer) approved for use in schizophrenia and the short term treatment of mood phases in bipolar. What medical diagnosis does he have that warrants such a powerful drug?