Reconciliation with my son

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by antsmom, Feb 28, 2010.

  1. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    The condensed version ;)

    I last was on this site Feb 25th at 11:22AM, after reading some PM's here, I shut off the computer to go about my day. Within 8 minutes, I experienced chest pains. Within a few more minutes, I was at the hospital emergency department, hooked up to nitroglycerine drip. My son the cop met me there in minutes, my boyfriend was an hour away, but he rushed there as well. The pain was crushing, breathless. After an EKG, blood, and other tests, they were not sure what caused it, but the nitro was helping so I was admitted to the cardio unit. Three cardiologists from two groups consulted with me. In the morning they were going to do a catherization or a stress test, depending on bloodwork. I can tell you that the care was excellent, but there is no sleeping in a hospital.

    In the morning it was decided to go with the stress test on Friday. I spent the next night there as well and was released Feb 27-yesterday-late in the day. My heart is perfectly fine as is the rest of my blood and body, they attributed the pain to possible muscle spasm (?) in the chest, but they were not sure. I feel fine now.

    On the way to the hospital I was telling my boyfriend and my son the cop where important papers were, etc. We chose not to tell Tony (Ant), because his last communication to me was an email telling me he hated me and not to contact him again. On Friday, my mother told my sister, she told her daughter who works with Tony's fiancee, and she told him.

    On Friday I was in the stress lab all day. When they wheeled me back to my room, I was exhausted. As we turned the corner to my room, I could see my grandson's familiar little navy blue and red water bottle on a stand in my room, and within a nanosecond he came bursting out of my bathroom, rushing towards me, wrapping his arms around my neck. As I looked up, Tony slowly walked out of the bathroom as well, and came to me with tears in his eyes, whispering lowly "I love you, I am so sorry, please forgive me" as his arms enveloped me. I could not answer him just listened to him as he said he was wrong. He told me he has taken care of school registration, and updated me on his latest AA mtg, and gave me a reader's digest (our personal joke as that I what I always send him when he is incarcerated). He also gave me a prayer card.

    He asked me why no one contacted him that I was in the hospital. I reminded him that I was honoring his wishes to never be contacted again. I told him that this is one of the things that go with that, that someone could be sick and you would not know it.

    He and my grandson stayed a long time. My grandson talked all about the time he was in the hospital, played nurse to me, made the bed go up and down and all around...held a cup and straw to my lips, and learned how to work the TV button. Tony caught me up on what he is working on. When they left, my grandson hugged me hard and so did Tony, with tears running down. I think he told me 4 times that he loved me while he was there. I reminded him that he is in charge of his own life, it is all up to him.

    Yesterday I was released in time for church, so I went. I was sitting there with boyfriend, feeling so grateful that I was there in my church, when boyfriend asked me to scootch over, and I looked up to see Tony, his fiancee and my grandson slipping into the pew with us. My grandson crawled over everyone to get beside me. A few minutes later, we scootched in again, as there was one of my brothers squeezing in with us. I have lots of siblings but this particular one is a crusty, no BS, says what he thinks, not-mushy-at-all younger one (he also was the only sibling to go inside the prison walls to visit Tony). After church my gruff little brother said he heard the doctors found out that what was wrong with me was that I had NO heart--he smiled and him.

    Just wanted to let you know that once more all is well. I may pop in here now and then. I feel compelled to try and share things I learn in my walk with those coming up behind me. Thank you all for the PMs and emails-ALL of them. I will hold EVERY one here in my prayers.
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2010
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Janet, I am so glad you are okay. I have missed you over the past few years. It's good that you stood your ground with Ant and he was forced to see that you will not be manipulated by his tantrums. I hope he will continue treating you with the respect you deserve. Stick around please, and continue to post. You have been missed.
  3. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    So good to "see" you! You and Ant have crossed my mind on occasion. I never sent a PM but I'm glad others with longer histories here have kept in touch. The last I knew, Ant was once again incarcerated and you took a break from this place. I'm delighted to know that Ant is out and with his son and that your health scare wasn't something much more serious.

    I hope this reconciliation is permanent and that you stick around too.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Phew/Whew! What a scare! I'm thrilled that you got prompt attention and a "get out of hospital
    pass. Dear Ant, once again, shows that he is his Mom's boy...not the pita that occasionally shows up in his skin. Thanks for sharing. DDD
  5. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Janet, I was happy to read your post and know that ant, you and kaleb are getting together...... it is too bad that health scares are the basis for your reconcilliation, but guess something has to be the wake up call...... hope you can continue with this positive note....... drop by when you can...... we do miss your input........
  6. judi

    judi Active Member

    Oh Janet - didn't realize you were ill. So sorry about the extra stress! But...on the other hand so happy you and Anthony are back together again. Please take care....
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am glad you are OK, Janet. I wonder if it was anxiety?
    Sounds like Tony learned a lesson that day. That I am sure you are very grateful for!

    I hope he continues to tell you that he loves you!
  8. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Janet, what a scare! It could so easily have been worse. It's interesting that the nitroglycerin helped nevertheless.

    Ant is doing well, to be able to apologise and tell you he loves you. I am very impressed, and of course happy for you. I had to giggle to myself about what you wrote about your brother. Wonderful for you to have so much family around you like that.

    I wonder what caused that stress? Do you think it was this board?

    Wishing you continued health, and hope the reconciliation holds water for ever!!

    Love, Esther
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I was not ill, it was a surprise ;)
    I am still not sure, was at the cardiologist today and he still says there is nothing wrong with my heart, yet I had another episode this past week. He is changing me to a calcium channel blocker to fight the angina for now. It scared me enough that I had a will made, but he says not worry,so I won't.
    I rarely ever have any anxiety, think my son "cured" me of that. Thanks!
  10. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I have tears in my eyes and running down my face right now! LOL

    You have done such an incredible job with Tony. You knew what you needed to do and when, and did it no matter how hard it was. He has turned into the mature, caring,responsible young man you raised him to be. He may put his foot in his mouth from time to time, but I highly suspect he will be carefully choosing his words from now on.

    You should try to pop in here occasionally. You are a great warrior mom who has been through a lot and you have great wisdom and advice to share with everybody here.

    I have read your latest entries here and was in fact discussing you with my husband last night. I told him what an incredible warrior mom you are, and how impressed I was with how you were dealing with your latest "issue" with Tony. I'm so glad it quickly resolved itself, although I'm sorry you were hospitalized. I am glad you are feeling good now and sorry you weren't well.

    Take Care of yourself.

  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    My son's actions always forced me to take the next step in spite of my quivering. His time in prison was the worst. I have to say that my fear turned to faith when I had no other option but to let him go. I finally took to heart the notion of the 3 Cs:
    I did not Cause it, cannot Control it, cannot Cure it. Up to then I just thought I would figure this out. It is a painful learning process.

    I am so grateful and feel so blessed that my son has chosen a better life for himself. We all have a life and deserve peace, sometimes you have to just surrender. ;) Even if their choices lead to death, they are still our children for eternity.
  12. helpme

    helpme New Member

    I can't say much, as the tears are flowing for me also.
    Thanks for the giving back some hope to the rest of us.

    "I did not Cause it, cannot Control it, cannot Cure it. "---I'll take that one
    "...sometimes you have to just surrender."--And that one too!
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2010
  13. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    ((((HUGS)))) helpme. We cannot change anyone else. They pull of lot of moves before we even know what is going on. How can we think we can prevent things when we are not even privy to their choices? Frustrating. Keep your faith strong.