Recovering, Cedar...THANK YOU!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by trinityroyal, Feb 5, 2014.

  1. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I just want to give both of you a big hug.

    Over the past many weeks, I have been voraciously reading your ongoing conversations about detachment, growth, loving ourselves, and all the other topics.

    I haven't said a lot, but I have learned so very much in the quiet listening spaces between your words.

    Your conversations have brought me back to a treasured place from childhood. My grandmother used to belong to a senior citizens' club, a tight-knit group of strong, wise women (and the occasional man). From tiniest girlhood, she used to take me along to all their meetings and activities. I would sit at the feet of these wise, beautiful women, listen to their stories, and learn. I learned practical things, like knitting and sewing, impractical ones like walking in (very high) heels, wearing daring clothes while still being demure, and dancing like a wild kitten while still being a lady. Most of all, I learned so much about love, and life, and human nature.

    Those ladies taught me the glorious gift of invisibility. To go boldly through my world, without having to emerge from my head. To occupy stillness so fully that they would have all the adult conversations as I sat there, soaking it all in and learning, learning, learning.

    Your conversations have brought back those feelings of peace, safety, invisibility and strength. I feel as though I'm sitting at your feet, learning to be brave, to be a lady, to tackle adversity with charm and grace.

    So thank you to both of you. The ripples of your journey reach far and wide.

    Many hugs,
    • Like Like x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  2. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    That is very lovely. I feel the same about Cedar and Recovering.
  3. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member


    You have no way of knowing how invisible, how terribly flawed, how really foolish, I have been feeling as I go through this, Trinity. The feelings are so hard to stay with, to acknowledge.

    I love it that you have been there with us, the whole time.

    Love it.

  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank you so much Trinity and a hug is on it's way right on back to you..............and you too Echo.............and of course, to you Cedar, my partner in this ongoing, amazing journey we have been on together now for all these months.............

    Cedar, we are all flawed, sometimes invisible and often foolish, perhaps just embracing that about ourselves and knowing we're just plain ole humans now, no more perfectionists, we can make all kinds of mistakes and screw up big time, acknowledge it, forgive ourselves and move on!!!

    Thanks Trinity, you are very kind and I am so happy you are here with us, it's nice to be surrounded by caring folks, even if we can't see you, we can feel you................xoxoxox
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Flawed and foolish, and having FUN! Gosh, I should have a t-shirt printed with that. I'd wear it too!

    It's a bit tangential, but that's how my brain works. On topic, as far as flawed and foolish...

    Many years ago--I was about 25 or so--I joined a fancy health club near where I worked at the time. It's one of those gyms in a high-rise office tower with very chi-chi equipment, towel service, a juice bar, all that fancy stuff. This gym also has a bank of floor-to-ceiling windows that look out over my city's main street. Directly across the street is a McDonald's restaurant, also with floor-to-ceiling windows, and a long counter where people can sit and eat their Big Macs while looking out. So...the people working out can stare at the people eating McDonalds, who can stare back at the people working out.

    My first day in the gym, I decided to just explore. I used to be on the track team in high school, so I thought I'd start with the treadmill. (The row of treadmills is positioned right in front of the giant windows). So I got on, pottered around with the controls a bit and got it moving. The belt was moving a bit slowly, so I started accelerating the speed. Of course I had no idea that the controls have a delayed response. So...all of a sudden I was sprinting full out, desperately trying to keep up with the faster-and-faster treadmill under my feet.

    Then, I lost it. The treadmill shot me off the back, I went flying through the air and landed smack on my posterior in the middle of the gym floor. Mortified. I was debating whether to slink off never to return, when a (very) good looking, (very) buff man came over, helped me up and handed me a towel. He smiled, and said, "First day?" Then he spent the next couple of hours showing me how everything in that gym worked.

    I was flawed, I was foolish, and I had FUN. Lots of it.

    I also learned such a valuable lesson. Those people at the gym saw me at my absolute worst -- as embarrassed as I could possibly be. I didn't have to worry ever again about embarrassing myself in front of them, because I'd already done it Big Time.

    I have carried that lesson throughout my life. I may fall on my butt. In fact, I do it all the time. But I pick myself up, laugh, and start again.

    The gift of anti-perfectionism. Yay for us! (as my little Tyrantina says)
  6. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I love the imagery of the chi-chi fitness center facing the McDonald's.

    Ha! Life is so funny like that, isn't it. Two architects, each planning his perfect building, each celebrating his dream coming to fruition ~ each realizing the guy across the street is...!

    It must be endlessly fascinating to be in the middle of that juxtaposition.

    Do the people from the chi-chi gym sneak out for a McDonald's later? Do they develop undying hatred for Ronald McD and everything he stands for because, exercising in front of those windows, they can never have McDonald's french fries again? Do the people at McDonald's see the long legged, beautifully buff Trinity sailing through the air and fight over the window seats in preparation for the day she flashes past again, the sense of anticipation growing with each retelling of the story until Trinity's flight becomes the stuff of urban legend?

    Such a cool story, Trinity.

    And with such a perfect ending.

    In my imagination, I mean.

    While you did indeed fly beautifully through the air, fiery red tresses floating and flaring? The urban legend part begins when the buffily attractive male, gazing deeply into our eyes, walks us right past those same windows to show us how the different machines work.

    Oh, yes, Trinity. Online support people get to be there for the good stuff, too.


  7. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    I also enjoyed the imagery of the Mc Donald's folks and the spa folks watching each other. Somehow it reminded me of being at a zoo and the people watching the animals and animals watching the people.... I wish everyone here a good day today filled with peace. Carpe diem!
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Cedar, I LOVE that idea. That sounds just like the beginning of one of those "guilty pleasure" harlequin romances.

    (Of course, my hair is jet black, not fiery red, but a small detail. It can be fiery red in your story.) As for the urban legend, it would be so interesting to find people who were eating at the McDonalds that day tell the story of the treadmill-girl who flew through the air? That would be a blast! I'm going to imagine that they do.

    And that makes a lovely start to what would be an otherwise very tedious day (I'm editing reports -- YUCK!)

    Happy Thursday!
  9. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member


    The buff guy and I were wondering where you were this morning....


  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    The reality? This morning I was at the gym trying to stave off the effects of gravity and age.

    My current gym is not chi-chi like the old one. It's a "serious" one, full of MMA fighters and the like. They can't really be described as "buff", more "muscles on their muscles". (Lots of mashed in noses and bruised knuckles) Still, the offers of "can I get that barbell for you, little lady?" are always helpful.
  11. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Are you taking a martial arts class, Trinity? Did you know I took a beginning belt in karate? When we go north for the summer, I will begin karate classes, again. Here, I take Tai Chi twice weekly. I have done that for six years.

  12. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    No, I'm not taking martial arts. I would love to take their kickboxing class but I'm a bit afraid of the giant men. Now if I could convince my husband to take it with me -- he's a giant man in his own right -- I think it would be okay.

    For now, I do cross-fit, some cardio, and sling weights around. Cross-fit is a BLAST. Giant monkey bars, ropes to climb, truck tires to jump through or flip,walls to jump over...It's like being in a playground sized for adults.

    Karate sounds wonderful. My monster-tots just started taking Aikido lessons, and I've promised myself that if work ever slows down enough I will join them in it.
  13. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    I want to highly recommend Zumba. I am an addict. It's my therapy. There, you can truly "dance like no one is watching" because no one is!! Our class is held in a somewhat dim room and everyone is so busy trying to do the dances (and enjoying themselves, shakin' and gyratin') that no one pays attention to anybody else! It is fun to get lost in top 40 music that I would never listen to on the radio, but have a great time dancing to in this class. (It has also helped me to lose 20 pounds since last January and lower my cholesterol 30 points) When my difficult child has been in her happy and charming mood, she and I have laughed about her old mom dancing to these types of songs. Great escapism.
  14. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    You know what I have been thinking about for the longest time?

    A swing.

    A grown up swing that I could swing on, happy as a child. Not just a little swing, either. A really high swing to pump up into the trees with, right up into the sun and the leaves.

    I love the idea of monkey bars and tire swings and zumba and playing for adults.
    Love the Top 40s music you don't listen to at any other time!

    Yoga is so serious, karate and Tai Chi ~ serious, got to learn it just so, got to achieve something.

    I just want to swing.

    Sort of like flying!

    I love this thread.


  15. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Cedar, I LOVE the swings! I'm fortunate that I'm such a half-pint. I can still fit comfortably on the swings at the local playground, and my children are not mortified by the fact that I play on them when we all go to the park.

    I think adult-sized playground equipment is a great idea. husband and I have been looking at climbers for our back yard. None of the kits or sets are robust enough for our teeming horde of giant children. (They all seem to get their dimensions from husband). So, we're thinking about getting one custom designed. If we go that route, I think I will insist that they include a "Mom swing", that's just for me to play on. A comfortable seat to accommodate womanly hips, a long enough chain that I can touch the trees with my toes, and No Kids Allowed! (tee hee. I like this idea more, the more I think about it)

    Tryagain, I have been meaning to get to a Zumba class for years. They are so popular at my gym that you have to sign up a couple of days in advance. So far I've never gotten into one. I studied dance for years and years, and Latin dance was always my favourite, so Zumba sounds like it's right up my alley.

    Meanwhile, if the muzak at the local Costco is halfway decent, I dance my cart down the aisle.

    Cedar, I love this thread too.
  16. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    The one time I tried Zumba I loved it...really fun and freeing. At heart, though, I am not a gym-class taker...too important for me to be outside with air and sky (ironic for a city dweller, but then again maybe that is what drives the need.). I walk....a LOT...dogs, back and forth to work, 5 miles or more every day. And I run. Running is double edged...sometimes it gives me too much time in my own head, and the pounding of my feet is matched by clamoring yelling pounding thoughts in my head. Those are the worst periods, when running is another opportunity for grief and horror to overtake me. Still...I know...if I just get out and run a little...then a little more...even if I walk and run and walk and run...eventually my mood and head will clear and running will be a joy again.
    It is nice to walk dogs, too.

    Maybe I'll look for a zumba class with windows.
  17. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Echo, sometimes my gym holds promotional events where they have the classes out on the front lawn to draw in new members. So, the Zumba classes and others are literally dancing in the street. (Well, just at the edge of the street, so no one gets run over). Still, it's a lovely combination of exercises, and outdoors, and silliness and fun.

    That gives me an idea for an event -- I think I'll try to put together a Fitness in the Park thingy once the weather improves. We have a lovely park that fits the bill nicely. We could do exercises on the quad, and then hill sprints on the toboggan hill. Yay! (jumping up and down and clapping).
  18. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I read that if you use a hula hoop for just 20 minutes a day, 10 minutes each time, your waistline is reduced significantly.......well, me and my hula hoop stand in the middle of the room while watching the news and gyrate away.............I loved the hula hoop when I was a kid, I could make it go from my neck to my knees and back up when I was 10 or so, now I am quite content to have it stay at my waist. And, it works!!

    SO and I hike a lot. In Northern California, there are hundreds of hikes all around us that are just beautiful, in the woods, along the ocean, on the Bay, one of our favorites is near the Golden Gate bridge, along the waters edge seeing the Golden Gate in the background and the city right there, if the sun is out, everyone is outside running or walking..........and you can't beat that view.
  19. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    I have a big be-ribboned hula hoop in my is great, maybe I will fish it out. ONe of my daughter's friends used youtube to figure out how to do the stunts of your childhood, favorite was something she called the tornado, where she spun the hulahoop up one side of her body and down the other--it did look like a magical tornado. go girl!!! have that outdoor will raise everyone's spirits!
  20. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member