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General Parenting
"Recovering difficult child" is now "difficult child" again.
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<blockquote data-quote="aeroeng" data-source="post: 377122" data-attributes="member: 6557"><p>Thanks everyone.</p><p></p><p>Totoro: One of the frustrating things for me was that it was husband who convinced me that we need to keep our voices down and not let it get to us. And this approach has help. husband does not have a violent or anger issue (it is usually me blowing up). husband felt terrible yesterday. To the point I am a little worried about him being depressed. He agrees that it should not get that far again, and we are talking about ways to deal better next time. husband's brother is a foster parent who volunteers to take difficult child's that could not live at home. So brother in law is much better skilled at managing them then we are. husband is going to call him for advice. </p><p></p><p>Dammit Janet: You asked: "is it worse with one son than the other with your husband?". Well no/yes. He treats them all the same. easy child never ever causes problems so husband never has issues with him. and "difficult child in training" is not as skilled at difficult child behavior as difficult child is. Meaning he will try the same behavior that he learned from difficult child, but does not carry it as far and you can usually talk him down. husband will take the same approach with all equally, but it only gets bad with difficult child. This event is the first time husband and difficult child got physical. Although difficult child has put holes in the walls and broken things before. Once difficult child and I went at it. I walked away difficult child said, "Don't you walk away when I talk to you", and grabbed the back of my shirt. I wracked him hard with the back of my hand. We did call the police then. difficult child has not been violent in the last 8 months, he was improving. husband's normal behavior is more of an annoying helicopter parent. He checks 20 times on safety issues, until you finally let him know he is driving us all crazy. </p><p></p><p>Susiestar: I like the idea of money for the glass (and everything else that was broken). I won't buy new crystal with it though. husband and I got 9 sets of crystal glasses when we got married. I love them all, but have more then I can use in a lifetime. (Which is why I let a 15 yr recovering difficult child use it). </p><p></p><p>I like the idea of a safety plan. Are there any examples? What should it contain other then "stay calm, leave and call 911"?</p><p></p><p>Yesterday when I picked difficult child up from school he had calmed down considerably. He was still mad at husband and keep stating that husband hatted him. But then complained about some of husband's recent helicoptering activities. I stated that husband did that because he loves him, and difficult child grudgingly agreed that yes dad loves him. This weekend husband needs to go to his parents house to take care of some things. He will take "difficult child in Training" with him so they will all be apart for 3 full days. I am hoping that by time husband returns they will be able to talk calmly so we can get through this.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for the love and support. and letting me cry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="aeroeng, post: 377122, member: 6557"] Thanks everyone. Totoro: One of the frustrating things for me was that it was husband who convinced me that we need to keep our voices down and not let it get to us. And this approach has help. husband does not have a violent or anger issue (it is usually me blowing up). husband felt terrible yesterday. To the point I am a little worried about him being depressed. He agrees that it should not get that far again, and we are talking about ways to deal better next time. husband's brother is a foster parent who volunteers to take difficult child's that could not live at home. So brother in law is much better skilled at managing them then we are. husband is going to call him for advice. Dammit Janet: You asked: "is it worse with one son than the other with your husband?". Well no/yes. He treats them all the same. easy child never ever causes problems so husband never has issues with him. and "difficult child in training" is not as skilled at difficult child behavior as difficult child is. Meaning he will try the same behavior that he learned from difficult child, but does not carry it as far and you can usually talk him down. husband will take the same approach with all equally, but it only gets bad with difficult child. This event is the first time husband and difficult child got physical. Although difficult child has put holes in the walls and broken things before. Once difficult child and I went at it. I walked away difficult child said, "Don't you walk away when I talk to you", and grabbed the back of my shirt. I wracked him hard with the back of my hand. We did call the police then. difficult child has not been violent in the last 8 months, he was improving. husband's normal behavior is more of an annoying helicopter parent. He checks 20 times on safety issues, until you finally let him know he is driving us all crazy. Susiestar: I like the idea of money for the glass (and everything else that was broken). I won't buy new crystal with it though. husband and I got 9 sets of crystal glasses when we got married. I love them all, but have more then I can use in a lifetime. (Which is why I let a 15 yr recovering difficult child use it). I like the idea of a safety plan. Are there any examples? What should it contain other then "stay calm, leave and call 911"? Yesterday when I picked difficult child up from school he had calmed down considerably. He was still mad at husband and keep stating that husband hatted him. But then complained about some of husband's recent helicoptering activities. I stated that husband did that because he loves him, and difficult child grudgingly agreed that yes dad loves him. This weekend husband needs to go to his parents house to take care of some things. He will take "difficult child in Training" with him so they will all be apart for 3 full days. I am hoping that by time husband returns they will be able to talk calmly so we can get through this. Thanks for the love and support. and letting me cry. [/QUOTE]
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