Reeling a bit...

[toughlovin]

OK I know that my son is and has struggled with depression for a long time. Almost 2 years ago the night before his 18th birthday he overdosed on benedryl... looked like it was an attempt to get high. Two weeks later he overdosed on mucinex. Both times he was hospitalized for a few days. The 2nd time the hospital saw it as a possible suicide attempt. I was not sure. Then there were the threats on line a couple of weeks ago. I know he can use this in an very manipulative way. I have never felt he was really seriously suicidal but also know you can never be sure.Today we are cleanig out a bunch of stuff in his room. I am going through stuff... and I found a note from him written to "whom it may concern". It is very very sad and is a suicide note. It is not blaming at all but talking about the pain he is in and how nothing works. I am pretty sure this was probably written almost 2 years ago. So it is in the past but of course it hit me in the present and made mem so scared for him. I know at that time he was hurting bad from the break up.... but gosh it makes me so scared for him.Makes me more than ever want to go rescue him.... except I know that I can't. Not only is it not good for me to do it, it won't work. There really is nothing I can do... it really does have to come from him. I just wish so much he would come to us his parents and talk to us about his pain..... and ask us for help. He won't do that though. I am hoping like anything the new medications will help.....

 

[FlowerGarden]

Hugs to you. when my difficult child is down, he won't discuss it with us either. I have found he will tell a friend's parent what is wrong every once in awhile. I can't understand why he can open up to them and not to one of us. It tugs at my heart.

 

[1905]

When he was hospitalized did you have a family meeting? My easy child attempted suicide at age 15, 2 years ago. He was hospitalized for a week and at the family meeting he wrote a contract (personally holds no weight with me), it just gave me some insight on when things are bad how he acts.....I had previously thought that was typical teen behavior, the nonchalance, the apathy, I didn't have a clue that he was in pain. Honestly, we never speak of it. But now I know what to look for. Do you remember how your son was behaving? If you saw that behavior again would you recognize it?

I believe when your son overdosed on Benedryl, he just didn't give a care. Maybe he wasn't trying to die, but he didn't care. That is scary. I personally walk on eggshells every moment of every day. But the reality is what my husband says, "He's either gonna make it, or he won't". My husband will do anything for my son, but he will not accept blame. In the long run, we can take our kids to the dr., fill the prescription, we can make sure they talk to someone, but we can't do everything. I know what you're feeling. It is awful. Maybe you can ask your son this: If you were upset, who would you be comfortable talking to? This may ease your mind that he actually has a resource, even if it isn't you. ((HUGS))

 

[DammitJanet]

My son isnt one who is really talkative either but when something is really hitting the fan he will come to me and at that moment, I better be able to listen or it isnt going to be good. This has only started happening in the last few years though. He will come to me and say something like...momma, I am scared that I feel like doing something bad and I dont wanna do it...talk me out of it. I know if I can just see you, I will be okay.

Its like I am his soothing conscious or something. He knows right from wrong but I guess actually seeing me in person instead of just picturing me sitting on his shoulder can make it more real?

 

[Hound dog]

My son isnt one who is really talkative either but when something is really hitting the fan he will come to me and at that moment, I better be able to listen or it isnt going to be good. This has only started happening in the last few years though. He will come to me and say something like...momma, I am scared that I feel like doing something bad and I dont wanna do it...talk me out of it. I know if I can just see you, I will be okay.

Its like I am his soothing conscious or something. He knows right from wrong but I guess actually seeing me in person instead of just picturing me sitting on his shoulder can make it more real?

Nichole does this too. Now that she's more aware of her moods/behaviors it can trigger if she's not careful......if she feels herself slipping she will call. I don't say much during those conversations....mostly guiding phrases to help her weed out her own feelings and come up with her own solutions.

When Nichole cuts, she's in bad shape. She doesn't cut for attention. She hides it. She cuts to express how she's feeling. And while I don't understand it.........she says it makes the pain she's feeling more "real", not sure what that means, and she feels somewhat better. I've literally spent years guiding her to other ways to express it so that cutting isnt' necessary. It helped. But she still feels the need to call. Anymore, like I said, I rarely say much. It's like she hasn't reached the point yet in confidence level to talk herself through it without checking to make sure her reasoning is ok.

As far as the suicide note........it may not have really been one at all. I've done a few of those "letter" in my past, they were in no way shape or form a suicide note, and they helped me work through or vent things I couldn't tell other people. Once it was out there, it was out and I felt better. I usually got rid of them, but I think my mom found one or two when I was young. So it's sort of hard to tell sometimes. He might even have been considering it, but once he wrote down his feelings......and got it out......changed his mind.

Males have a much harder time than females expressing themselves.