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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 621448" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>No guilt, Hold. There can be no guilt for what another person decides to do. One time my therapist told me this, and it was a watershed moment for me:</p><p></p><p>People are always responsible for their own actions. </p><p></p><p>I said, what do you mean? How can that be? A depressed person has a mental illness. He or she is not thinking right. They can't be responsible when their thoughts are unclear.</p><p></p><p>Oh yes they are, she said. They are always responsible for their own actions and decisions, no matter what.</p><p></p><p>That was huge. That was a thunderbolt for me. Here I had been playing mommy to my husband/child, feeling like I had to make all kinds of allowances for him. After all, I was the strong one and he was the weak "sick" one. Right?</p><p></p><p>Wrong. I have since had that thought confirmed over and over by many others. </p><p></p><p>Others here on this board, who have been treated for depression, bipolar and other diagnosis will say the same thing---they are still responsible for their own actions.</p><p></p><p>That is huge for us to sit with, accept and embrace. If that is true, Hold, that means each person---each adult person---stands on his or her own. What a relief! What a gift. We don't have to hold up the whole world of people we love who are struggling on our skinny little weak shoulders. </p><p></p><p>We can't, anyway, Hold, as much as we would love to. We just can't. We aren't equipped. Only our Higher Power (whatever you call God, personally) can handle the weight of the world. We can't. He didn't give us that power, Hold.</p><p></p><p>Let go of your guilt. You have done all you can think of and know to do on God's green earth, and surely if there was one more true thing to be done to help you would do it. Right? </p><p></p><p>That one true thing is this: Get out of the way. </p><p></p><p>And Hold, that will be the hardest way for YOU to help, but it will be the best help your precious difficult child ever gets. By doing that, you will create space and time and a place where she can begin to make decisions for herself.</p><p></p><p>I am afraid my son will die, too, Hold. And if he does, I will mourn deeply and profoundly. I will review everything exhaustively I am sure. But there will not be guilt. </p><p></p><p>No guilt, Hold. No guilt.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 621448, member: 17542"] No guilt, Hold. There can be no guilt for what another person decides to do. One time my therapist told me this, and it was a watershed moment for me: People are always responsible for their own actions. I said, what do you mean? How can that be? A depressed person has a mental illness. He or she is not thinking right. They can't be responsible when their thoughts are unclear. Oh yes they are, she said. They are always responsible for their own actions and decisions, no matter what. That was huge. That was a thunderbolt for me. Here I had been playing mommy to my husband/child, feeling like I had to make all kinds of allowances for him. After all, I was the strong one and he was the weak "sick" one. Right? Wrong. I have since had that thought confirmed over and over by many others. Others here on this board, who have been treated for depression, bipolar and other diagnosis will say the same thing---they are still responsible for their own actions. That is huge for us to sit with, accept and embrace. If that is true, Hold, that means each person---each adult person---stands on his or her own. What a relief! What a gift. We don't have to hold up the whole world of people we love who are struggling on our skinny little weak shoulders. We can't, anyway, Hold, as much as we would love to. We just can't. We aren't equipped. Only our Higher Power (whatever you call God, personally) can handle the weight of the world. We can't. He didn't give us that power, Hold. Let go of your guilt. You have done all you can think of and know to do on God's green earth, and surely if there was one more true thing to be done to help you would do it. Right? That one true thing is this: Get out of the way. And Hold, that will be the hardest way for YOU to help, but it will be the best help your precious difficult child ever gets. By doing that, you will create space and time and a place where she can begin to make decisions for herself. I am afraid my son will die, too, Hold. And if he does, I will mourn deeply and profoundly. I will review everything exhaustively I am sure. But there will not be guilt. No guilt, Hold. No guilt. [/QUOTE]
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