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Relationship issue...need advice
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 169466" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Janet,</p><p> </p><p>I completely understand. It really is time to print out your post, maybe tm's response and a note asking if that would be OK, or if he has another suggestion.</p><p> </p><p>I even "get" the not knowing when you will have a good day or a bad day. But there ARE ways you can plan so you increase your chances of having a good day. Stay out of the heat the day before. Do gentle stretching and as little other stuff as possible, or whatever will be best for YOU and then you can gear up for the next day.</p><p> </p><p>It is time to tell the boys that on certain nights they WILL be out of the house. period. Baby, rides, etc don't matter. Not on those nights. They can take care of their own stuff and their progeny's stuff. Period. They leave and forget the bottle? they get to buy a new one. they don't get to come back and get it. If they need to write a list of what all they need, the baby needs, the dog, horse or pigeon needs, they should do it and check it off ahead of time. </p><p> </p><p>On that night you and Tony are NOT parents, grandparents, phone answerers or email answerers. You are husband and wife, and if you want to pull out the living room couch and go to town on it, YOU SHOULD!! heck, you should hang from the lights, or just sit and cuddle. </p><p> </p><p>BUT you should be ALONE. NOT one night. But one night REGULARLY. And if it is after fishing, cool. Knowing that Tony will be home at a certain time, you can get ready and spend time with him. Then you will both enjoy it - he will because he will come home relaxed. You will because you have his attention.</p><p> </p><p>It is also time to see if you can find some services to help with the transport if the kids can't drive. I know you have asked previously, but it has probably been awhile. It is maybe time to ask again?? Cause what will happen when the driving and work have you totally bed/chair bound?? And it WILL happen if you don't get some help. Also assign the boys chores. Just make them lists. No chores done, no rides. They can walk to work. I know a guy who walked 8 miles EACH WAY to teach every morning. They were in deep financial trouble, so he sold his car and walked to work. Then someone gave him an old bike so he rode that. YOUR BOYS CAN DO THIS. Or get others to give them rides.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs, and lots of love,</p><p> </p><p>Susie</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 169466, member: 1233"] Janet, I completely understand. It really is time to print out your post, maybe tm's response and a note asking if that would be OK, or if he has another suggestion. I even "get" the not knowing when you will have a good day or a bad day. But there ARE ways you can plan so you increase your chances of having a good day. Stay out of the heat the day before. Do gentle stretching and as little other stuff as possible, or whatever will be best for YOU and then you can gear up for the next day. It is time to tell the boys that on certain nights they WILL be out of the house. period. Baby, rides, etc don't matter. Not on those nights. They can take care of their own stuff and their progeny's stuff. Period. They leave and forget the bottle? they get to buy a new one. they don't get to come back and get it. If they need to write a list of what all they need, the baby needs, the dog, horse or pigeon needs, they should do it and check it off ahead of time. On that night you and Tony are NOT parents, grandparents, phone answerers or email answerers. You are husband and wife, and if you want to pull out the living room couch and go to town on it, YOU SHOULD!! heck, you should hang from the lights, or just sit and cuddle. BUT you should be ALONE. NOT one night. But one night REGULARLY. And if it is after fishing, cool. Knowing that Tony will be home at a certain time, you can get ready and spend time with him. Then you will both enjoy it - he will because he will come home relaxed. You will because you have his attention. It is also time to see if you can find some services to help with the transport if the kids can't drive. I know you have asked previously, but it has probably been awhile. It is maybe time to ask again?? Cause what will happen when the driving and work have you totally bed/chair bound?? And it WILL happen if you don't get some help. Also assign the boys chores. Just make them lists. No chores done, no rides. They can walk to work. I know a guy who walked 8 miles EACH WAY to teach every morning. They were in deep financial trouble, so he sold his car and walked to work. Then someone gave him an old bike so he rode that. YOUR BOYS CAN DO THIS. Or get others to give them rides. Hugs, and lots of love, Susie [/QUOTE]
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