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Relationship Patterns / Dysfunctional FOO Issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 671097" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I asked M to help me set up a new printer I bought today. I had gotten to a certain point and did not know how to put in the ink cartridges. He was irritated and used the opportunity to criticize me relentlessly. After a certain point I told him it was OK. I will return the printer. He replied. No it is not OK. Fix it. Fix the printer. You start something, you finish it. No. I want to return it, I said.</p><p></p><p>You will finish it, he said. He grabbed my shoulder, pushed me down. I began to scream. I did so on purpose. It was a decision to draw a line. I would scream as long as he was hurting me or threatening me. He became more angry.</p><p></p><p>He left.</p><p></p><p>I remained calm and was lying down. A bit later he entered the room and demanded that I resume assembling the printer myself. I said no, I would not.</p><p></p><p>I told him that I would not tolerate his manhandling me or criticizing me without end. Or what? He demanded.</p><p></p><p>Just that. I will not tolerate it.</p><p></p><p>He replied something like, well you have to change, for me to change. I answered, my changing or not changing has nothing to do with your need to control your behavior. I will not tolerate your aggression towards me. There can be no conditions tied to your stopping your mistreatment of me.</p><p></p><p>He tried to say that he grabbed and shoved me because I had screamed, telling me he has warned me how screaming affects him. He accused me of always getting confused. He tried to invert cause and effect.</p><p></p><p>I would not take the bait. I know what happened. I repeated: I will not tolerate that behavior. You will not hurt me or continually criticize me. </p><p></p><p>How is it that you can treat me whichever way you want, then?</p><p></p><p>Whatever I do or do not do has nothing to do with your being aggressive to me. If you insist upon this way of seeing and acting you can stay at the other house. I will pay you for your work. But I will not allow you to treat me as you are.</p><p></p><p>He began to talk about my indecisiveness with the paint, and all the wrong things I do with the computer, or buying stuff as examples of the impossible things about me that make everything my fault and then said, do you want me to leave now? I said yes. He left.</p><p></p><p>I feel sad and stunned.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 671097, member: 18958"] I asked M to help me set up a new printer I bought today. I had gotten to a certain point and did not know how to put in the ink cartridges. He was irritated and used the opportunity to criticize me relentlessly. After a certain point I told him it was OK. I will return the printer. He replied. No it is not OK. Fix it. Fix the printer. You start something, you finish it. No. I want to return it, I said. You will finish it, he said. He grabbed my shoulder, pushed me down. I began to scream. I did so on purpose. It was a decision to draw a line. I would scream as long as he was hurting me or threatening me. He became more angry. He left. I remained calm and was lying down. A bit later he entered the room and demanded that I resume assembling the printer myself. I said no, I would not. I told him that I would not tolerate his manhandling me or criticizing me without end. Or what? He demanded. Just that. I will not tolerate it. He replied something like, well you have to change, for me to change. I answered, my changing or not changing has nothing to do with your need to control your behavior. I will not tolerate your aggression towards me. There can be no conditions tied to your stopping your mistreatment of me. He tried to say that he grabbed and shoved me because I had screamed, telling me he has warned me how screaming affects him. He accused me of always getting confused. He tried to invert cause and effect. I would not take the bait. I know what happened. I repeated: I will not tolerate that behavior. You will not hurt me or continually criticize me. How is it that you can treat me whichever way you want, then? Whatever I do or do not do has nothing to do with your being aggressive to me. If you insist upon this way of seeing and acting you can stay at the other house. I will pay you for your work. But I will not allow you to treat me as you are. He began to talk about my indecisiveness with the paint, and all the wrong things I do with the computer, or buying stuff as examples of the impossible things about me that make everything my fault and then said, do you want me to leave now? I said yes. He left. I feel sad and stunned. COPA [/QUOTE]
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