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Family of Origin
Relationship Patterns / Dysfunctional FOO Issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 671238" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>That is horrible, New Leaf. Of course your mother should have stayed.</p><p></p><p>I remember my son had an MRI when he was about 5. He had had a seizure. That was so horrible. I will never forget it. It was as if he had died before my very eyes. He got up from his bed. His eyes rolled back into his head. He dissolved to the ground.</p><p></p><p>Hysterical I went to the neighbors. They called 911. We went together my son and I in the ambulance.</p><p></p><p>When we came home from the hospital, the taxi caught fire. My son said: Mommy, I smell something burning. I looked behind me, behind the rear seat. And there were flames. I screamed at the driver. Who slowed the car. Still rolling, I grabbed my son in a bear hug and rolled out into the street.</p><p></p><p>Then a couple of weeks later I feared it was happening again. Again an ambulance. The doctors gave him Ativane which induced psychosis. That was scary too. I have had too much experience with ambulances in my life.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to hijack your hospital memory. Back to the theme: He had an MRI and they had to put him under. I was so afraid.</p><p></p><p>Can you imagine how frightened your mother must have been? How could it have been for her to have to leave her baby? </p><p></p><p>Did you ever talk to her about it and see what she remembers? Would you be afraid?</p><p></p><p>How afraid you were for her that Friday when she went to the lung procedure. </p><p></p><p>There is a movie by Ingmar Bergman. I cannot remember the name. It portrayed children of 100 years ago around Christmas time at a family gathering. From their point of view. How confusing and frightening is life itself. For them. I wish I could remember the title. I will try to find it. It is from about 1974.</p><p>This is so hard. Of course you were not nothing.</p><p></p><p>You needed his recognition of you. It is like my sleeping beauty kiss. We need to be answered. It was not that you were not seen. It was that you were not acknowledged. I think it is so hard to have significant parts of ourselves unacknowledged by our parents. And to come to accept that we were never seen as what we were or are, but only to the extent that they were able to or willing to see us.</p><p></p><p>And then at the end, to know there will never be another chance, as it was with your father.</p><p></p><p>It is so scary to be alone with ourselves. When our parents die. And we no longer have them, their existence, to pretend that we are complete. Or safe. Because it was always a pretend. We needed to pretend that they were more than they were, so that we could be what we needed to be.</p><p></p><p>Yes. I do not necessarily think he allowed himself to know or see this at the end. I think he may have used everything he had in him to defend.</p><p>Yes. In my case I think what was swallowed was only rage. And beneath that: fear of abandonment, and non-existence.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 671238, member: 18958"] That is horrible, New Leaf. Of course your mother should have stayed. I remember my son had an MRI when he was about 5. He had had a seizure. That was so horrible. I will never forget it. It was as if he had died before my very eyes. He got up from his bed. His eyes rolled back into his head. He dissolved to the ground. Hysterical I went to the neighbors. They called 911. We went together my son and I in the ambulance. When we came home from the hospital, the taxi caught fire. My son said: Mommy, I smell something burning. I looked behind me, behind the rear seat. And there were flames. I screamed at the driver. Who slowed the car. Still rolling, I grabbed my son in a bear hug and rolled out into the street. Then a couple of weeks later I feared it was happening again. Again an ambulance. The doctors gave him Ativane which induced psychosis. That was scary too. I have had too much experience with ambulances in my life. Sorry to hijack your hospital memory. Back to the theme: He had an MRI and they had to put him under. I was so afraid. Can you imagine how frightened your mother must have been? How could it have been for her to have to leave her baby? Did you ever talk to her about it and see what she remembers? Would you be afraid? How afraid you were for her that Friday when she went to the lung procedure. There is a movie by Ingmar Bergman. I cannot remember the name. It portrayed children of 100 years ago around Christmas time at a family gathering. From their point of view. How confusing and frightening is life itself. For them. I wish I could remember the title. I will try to find it. It is from about 1974. This is so hard. Of course you were not nothing. You needed his recognition of you. It is like my sleeping beauty kiss. We need to be answered. It was not that you were not seen. It was that you were not acknowledged. I think it is so hard to have significant parts of ourselves unacknowledged by our parents. And to come to accept that we were never seen as what we were or are, but only to the extent that they were able to or willing to see us. And then at the end, to know there will never be another chance, as it was with your father. It is so scary to be alone with ourselves. When our parents die. And we no longer have them, their existence, to pretend that we are complete. Or safe. Because it was always a pretend. We needed to pretend that they were more than they were, so that we could be what we needed to be. Yes. I do not necessarily think he allowed himself to know or see this at the end. I think he may have used everything he had in him to defend. Yes. In my case I think what was swallowed was only rage. And beneath that: fear of abandonment, and non-existence. COPA [/QUOTE]
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