Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Sep 24, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I actually think it was good we waited for the memorial for husband. At this stage, we're not so crippled by grief that we can make better decisions that aren't rushed.

    Melissa decided it will be cool to serve their dad's favorite snack foods at the gathering at Nichole's after, along with his coveted Coke. lol So there will be a couple of things one wouldn't ordinarily consider "snack" foods such as mincemeat cookies, angel food cake, and Hershey kisses.

    Nichole decided since they all loved the posting of photos of husband on fb.........she wants us all to find as many as we can, she'll scan them onto her playstation, set it to slide show and have music playing. Photos will span his lifetime from infancy to present. Which means I'll be back on an obsessive photo hunt again.

    We've done far more laughing and eye rolling of late going through husband's pack rat stuff. OMG the man had cancelled checks and old bills from 1989 and before!:groan: The good thing is that easy child found most of the taxes, we think. But also.....we found his things from the military. I'd known husband had served in Vietnam in the Navy, but I didn't know he served in the Navy for 5 yrs. The rest of his military time was in the Army. We found photos from that time, a book like a year book type thing from the ship he served on (darrin will go bonkers when he gets to see it), the girls cracked up over a "partying" photo........his old high school photo, which also got them to laughing, his year books in which it seems everyone thought he was a "nut". lol We laughed over some of the ridiculous stuff he saved. We were breathless at some of the wonderful things he managed to save among all the "garbage". Like his dad's stuff from WWII.

    But working from 8am until 4pm.........and we only got a very small area done. And you wouldn't believe the amount of trashbags that went out, we're talking the huge heavy duty yard bags here.

    That stuff doesn't bother me to go through except that it's tedious. It's the same type of thing I did behind husband's back when he was working to keep the pack rat syndrome from being completely out of control. You can't just take a box, glance at it and decide it's trash. You have to physically go through each and every one very carefully or you'll either miss something important or a family treasure.

    husband's another matter. I've bagged up some. I *thought* it had gotten mixed up in the trash and for a short while acted like a crazy woman. I found the bags in the kitchen. Bagging his clothing is hard for me. It has to be done, because Mr. Pack Rat even has important stuff in and among his clothing in the dressers. But I'm not quite ready to part with them yet. I've no clue why. As I'm bagging them though I keep expecting him to come up behind me and to demand to know what I'm doing with his clothes. Stupid, but so far I can't shake it. So I'll work on bagging them and find a place to store them until I'm ready to part with them. I think it's that I just can't let him "go" to that degree just yet.

    We managed to find a few treasures to sell on ebay. One is the original sound track to Jesus Christ Superstar, and another collectible album. I had no clue he even had them. Oh, and the National Geographic mag of when we landed on the moon in good condition. He must have salvaged that the time I tossed out boxes upon boxes of NG mags from a period of at least 20 yrs or more. But I'd imagine it's worth something now, it was back when I was tossing mags. lol I just couldn't stand him saving all that stuff when we lived in an apartment and had no room for it.

    It still hit us from time to time. There is still the whole it's not quite real thing going on. But when that happens to one of us, we just call up or talk to someone. With their grandparents there were long illnesses ect to prepare us for the inevitable. With husband it was just so d*mn sudden and unexpected.

    I'm so glad I did the photo thing on fb. The kids had forgotten that while husband didn't take an active role in their parenting, that he was always there, always caring, never missed anything important.....and that he was far more active than they'd remembered in later years. Those photos and others we've been finding have brought back long forgotten memories........and have also given them a "whole" picture of their dad as a person, a man, and not just their dad.
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow. I am so glad. We did the same thing (photos) when my dad died. The grandkids got to see what their grandpa was like when they weren't around. It was special to all of us. We had board upon board of pictures covering the span of his life. It was awesome. And yes, it did bring back memories for all of us kids, siblings, and close friends.

    I can't and won't say it will get easier. It's been 13 years and I still remember and cry because it hurts so bad, especially around holidays, Father's day, and his birthday. I will send supportive hugs your way and tell you to do things when you are ready. There is no rush. Hopefully the memories will start replacing the pain.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} hon.
  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I just saw your post and wanted to say how very sorry I was to hear about your husband. I haven't stopped by in a while and was shocked to read what had happened. Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. I am so glad that your children have stepped up and been so supportive and helpful to you in this difficult time.

  5. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I'm glad things are cropping up like they are. The pictures, memories, stories and laughter....all of it is a good, good thing.

    The Navy information caught my eye. If you google his ship, you should be able to find all sorts of things online about it, maybe even crew pictures. Let me know if you want help with it. I did something similar for husband when we were looking for information on his grandfather who was in the Navy during WWII. You should even be able to get a copy of his military records if you would want them.

    I'm not sure I"m going to be able to make it over for the memorial although I really want to be there. But....if I can't and you need help with, sorting, carting...whatever. Let me know and I'll be there.

    Hugs to all of you!
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Lisa, you are doing well. It is a process, and it will take... however long it takes.

    Suggestion for those bags of husband's clothes... pick up a role of cheap colored plastic "tape" that they use for road-marking stakes and such - its pretty cheap stuff. Then, tie some of that to every bag that you want to keep. Any bag with a colored tag does not go to the garbage - makes it easier to keep track of. We had to do this when we moved... to separate the "to be sorted" bags from the "to go out" bags.
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    I'm so glad you are finding gems within all the stuff. I totally get you about the clothes. My Dad kept Mom's clothes for 10-15 years, and he actually kept them in his closet. I think maybe he cleared a few pieces out each year. I honestly don't know but one day they were all gone, and this is a man like your husband who pretty much kept everything (I get that part too because I'm the same way)
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you all are making great progress in sorting the good and the not so good from your memory banks. I'm so glad you are not doing this alone. No doubt in my mind that you are in the first stage of healing following the gob smacking shock and greif stage.

    My Dad was a Clothes Horse with a distinctive flare. Donating his clothes was one of the more difficult stages for all of us. on the other hand he had grown up poor and we knew he would want others to have nice things to wear. Looking at the closet was traumatic for quite awhile. Hugs. DDD
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I know it can be difficult but I think the process of going through a loved ones belongings after they've passed helps in the grieving process. And I'm glad you're all doing it together-each of you will come away from the experience with your own perspectives as well one another's. It's a beautiful thing. Gentle hugs, Lisa.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think all of you are doing a great job and t he pictures will delight the grandkids, agree!

    Hugs and love sent your are holding up well so far.
  11. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I'm also glad you have your kids to talk to. Sending hugs. Know you are in my prayers.
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    You sound like me 6 months ago helping my Mom do the same exact thing. It is hard, but it is equally as cleansing.

    We did the same thing with pics of him on a computer at the memorial. My Mom called it a celebration of his life, and just a few choice family members got up and spoke about their memories. All of it was positive with minimal tears, which helped a lot.

    Hugs to you and your family.
  13. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I also agree that going through your husband's things, pictures, etc.. is a very positive step. Many years ago, an ex-boyfriend died. I remember doing much the same thing you're doing now, going through pictures, etc., remembering our lives together... I'm glad that you're surrounded by family and that you are a source of comfort and strength for each other. Hugs... SFR