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Substance Abuse
Reminder - Dr. Phil today
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 527713" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Your input puts a slightly different read. Plus, of course, I can not look at this objectively. on the other hand most of us have admitted that we are controlling to some degree. Most of us do not have evil streaks. Our lives are dominated by the substance abusing or dysfunctional child that we love. If there are no grandchildren added to the mix then you have alot more choices on how to cope with your difficult child and poor choices. When there are multiple babies from multiple biological fathers unless you say "no" and turn your granchildren over to the State...you are embarking on a life of chaos.</p><p></p><p>I have not seen the early years of this family but I'm betting they did their very best just like each of us have done our very best. I also bet they were not perfect. BUT haven't each once of us "wished" that there was a book we could follow step by step to make the best decisions. </p><p></p><p>So (being hardheaded I guess, lol) if the treatment team "knows" it is not good for the children to be on the phone why wouldn't they call the Mom and say "having the kids talk on the phone makes your daughter feel badly and could endanger her success so we advise xyz would be best". That Mom would not tell them "you are wrong and I'm going to go it my way"...no way. She wants to do the best things possible. When GFGmom told me that she had not had her tubes tied like she swore she had and that she really wanted to have a baby...my response was word for word what the Mom said. "If you want to parent why not figure out how to help parent the children you already have?" It was not a "gotcha"...it just seemed logical and she does not think things thru. Of course, GFGmom did have a third child by a third man and at that point I bowed out of helping. on the other hand her choice to give birth gave her a way to get her sons more attached to her as they "had to love their baby sister". </p><p></p><p>Lastly, if Dr. Phil and team told the parents that their daughter could never return to their hometown I doubt the Mom would have mentioned it. Maybe, however, she mentioned it like a normal Mom would say to their normal daughter. "We hope to share your life as soon as you're well." </p><p></p><p>I've shared with the family a number of times that the most painful part of the s.a. road with then easy child/difficult child was when the Counselor told me "you will never have your child back as he is no longer that person". I have a tear in my eye this minute because that pain from ten years ago is still so real. He was right. If the experts have never told those parents "you will never have your child back, you will spend the next twenty years or more raising three grandchildren and you have to avoid saying anything to your daughter that might make her feel badly or she will be using needles again"...maybe the parents could move on. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 527713, member: 35"] Your input puts a slightly different read. Plus, of course, I can not look at this objectively. on the other hand most of us have admitted that we are controlling to some degree. Most of us do not have evil streaks. Our lives are dominated by the substance abusing or dysfunctional child that we love. If there are no grandchildren added to the mix then you have alot more choices on how to cope with your difficult child and poor choices. When there are multiple babies from multiple biological fathers unless you say "no" and turn your granchildren over to the State...you are embarking on a life of chaos. I have not seen the early years of this family but I'm betting they did their very best just like each of us have done our very best. I also bet they were not perfect. BUT haven't each once of us "wished" that there was a book we could follow step by step to make the best decisions. So (being hardheaded I guess, lol) if the treatment team "knows" it is not good for the children to be on the phone why wouldn't they call the Mom and say "having the kids talk on the phone makes your daughter feel badly and could endanger her success so we advise xyz would be best". That Mom would not tell them "you are wrong and I'm going to go it my way"...no way. She wants to do the best things possible. When GFGmom told me that she had not had her tubes tied like she swore she had and that she really wanted to have a baby...my response was word for word what the Mom said. "If you want to parent why not figure out how to help parent the children you already have?" It was not a "gotcha"...it just seemed logical and she does not think things thru. Of course, GFGmom did have a third child by a third man and at that point I bowed out of helping. on the other hand her choice to give birth gave her a way to get her sons more attached to her as they "had to love their baby sister". Lastly, if Dr. Phil and team told the parents that their daughter could never return to their hometown I doubt the Mom would have mentioned it. Maybe, however, she mentioned it like a normal Mom would say to their normal daughter. "We hope to share your life as soon as you're well." I've shared with the family a number of times that the most painful part of the s.a. road with then easy child/difficult child was when the Counselor told me "you will never have your child back as he is no longer that person". I have a tear in my eye this minute because that pain from ten years ago is still so real. He was right. If the experts have never told those parents "you will never have your child back, you will spend the next twenty years or more raising three grandchildren and you have to avoid saying anything to your daughter that might make her feel badly or she will be using needles again"...maybe the parents could move on. DDD [/QUOTE]
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