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Reply from Principal. Looks like I take the next step.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 252511" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Shari, be prepared for there to be communication up and down the line of command. Your letter may already have been partly or fully communicated. Be ready for this possibility.</p><p></p><p>One thing to prepare for (and I hope you don't find it, but I suspect with the principal you could) - watch out for the person who shares SOME of your letter with people (especially people who have previously been supportive) but shares it in a way that makes it look like you are shafting them (the supportive ones).</p><p>If this happens, you may find yourself attacked by someone you thought was on your side. If this happens, resolve it immediately by showing them the FULL letter and asking them to tell you which bit has upset them. If you have said something upsetting inadvertently, apologise, because you need your supporters. But go carefully.</p><p></p><p>THis happened to me - I had written in a letter concerning difficult child 1, that he had felt unsupported at his school, that he had even been harassed by a staff member (who I chose to not name, because I suspected, rightly, that the person who was doing the harassment would be the one to open the letter despite my marknig it strictly confidential). I went out of my way to praise difficult child 1's aide by name for her tireless efforts that themselves were unsupported by her colleagues. But the cow who opened the letter (and who then immediately leaned over difficult child 1 and shouted, "WHO'S been harassing you?") then told the aide about the letter in such a way that she thought I had singled her out for criticism, not praise.</p><p>Luckily I had a copy of the letter and was able to say, "You have done such a wonderful job with him, despite the lack of support from others, that I wanted to say so. If there has been anything in that letter to indicate otherwise, then it is not truly a reflection of how I feel. I don't know what you were told or shown, but here is the full copy for you to look at now. Please show me the bit that has upset you and if I need to, I will write a clarifying letter to make sure your efforts are on record."</p><p></p><p>I saw this with other staff members at that school also - where you have one extremely controlling, bullying senior staff member, you find otherwise lovely people toeing the line and even (while they're at that school) believing the stuff they spout in support of the bully. After all, often a troublemaking parent (ie you and me) will be gone soon, even if they have to wait for the child to graduate out. But the colleagues remain, and need to rely on one another to back each other up (no matter how much it sticks in various craws). Plus, bullies are really skilled at controlling and brainwashing some colleagues.</p><p></p><p>I'm probably warning you for no good reason. Just trying to make sure all your bases are covered. because if this happens - you can quickly make it no big deal, if you handle it right. And that will further undermine the bully. A potential snag, turned to your advantage.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 252511, member: 1991"] Shari, be prepared for there to be communication up and down the line of command. Your letter may already have been partly or fully communicated. Be ready for this possibility. One thing to prepare for (and I hope you don't find it, but I suspect with the principal you could) - watch out for the person who shares SOME of your letter with people (especially people who have previously been supportive) but shares it in a way that makes it look like you are shafting them (the supportive ones). If this happens, you may find yourself attacked by someone you thought was on your side. If this happens, resolve it immediately by showing them the FULL letter and asking them to tell you which bit has upset them. If you have said something upsetting inadvertently, apologise, because you need your supporters. But go carefully. THis happened to me - I had written in a letter concerning difficult child 1, that he had felt unsupported at his school, that he had even been harassed by a staff member (who I chose to not name, because I suspected, rightly, that the person who was doing the harassment would be the one to open the letter despite my marknig it strictly confidential). I went out of my way to praise difficult child 1's aide by name for her tireless efforts that themselves were unsupported by her colleagues. But the cow who opened the letter (and who then immediately leaned over difficult child 1 and shouted, "WHO'S been harassing you?") then told the aide about the letter in such a way that she thought I had singled her out for criticism, not praise. Luckily I had a copy of the letter and was able to say, "You have done such a wonderful job with him, despite the lack of support from others, that I wanted to say so. If there has been anything in that letter to indicate otherwise, then it is not truly a reflection of how I feel. I don't know what you were told or shown, but here is the full copy for you to look at now. Please show me the bit that has upset you and if I need to, I will write a clarifying letter to make sure your efforts are on record." I saw this with other staff members at that school also - where you have one extremely controlling, bullying senior staff member, you find otherwise lovely people toeing the line and even (while they're at that school) believing the stuff they spout in support of the bully. After all, often a troublemaking parent (ie you and me) will be gone soon, even if they have to wait for the child to graduate out. But the colleagues remain, and need to rely on one another to back each other up (no matter how much it sticks in various craws). Plus, bullies are really skilled at controlling and brainwashing some colleagues. I'm probably warning you for no good reason. Just trying to make sure all your bases are covered. because if this happens - you can quickly make it no big deal, if you handle it right. And that will further undermine the bully. A potential snag, turned to your advantage. Hang in there. Marg [/QUOTE]
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