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Reporting in on the effect of letting go and believing for the best. IT HELPED :O)
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 606525" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p><span style="color: #0000ff">"Part of me is wondering where the drama went. Ha! Good for me. I am aware of having decided, somewhere in here, not to second guess myself or difficult child. </span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">Literally, she can do whatever she wants. It has nothing to do with me ~ not really. This must be what it feels like not to be enmeshed. The resentment I feel now has more to do with the time husband and I have given over. </span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">I like the part about stopping, and about switching from normal mode to something better. I will remember to do that. husband and I were talking about something similar, during the thick of everything. That we have a responsibility to ourselves to say to ourselves, "Let me think about this."</span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">No more reacting from blind panic.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">We haven't lived our own lives for so many years. Good thing we drank all those Manhattans, way back when. Whatever is coming for us next, it will probably be fun!</span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">I agree that events seem to have been structured, tailor made, toward this outcome. It must always have been so. We have changed. Still, the speed and intensity of the events, of the tests, seems too perfectly structured to have happened by chance.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">That is a good thing to know, too.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">And everything changes, again.</span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff">My goodness."</span></p><p><span style="color: #0000ff"></span></p><p>**********************************************************************************************************************</p><p></p><p>Oh Barbara, I laughed hearing you say you wondered where the drama went. I know that feeling exactly! There were a few times where I actually said to SO, "I've lived in so much drama created by others around me for so long, this feels almost BORING." However, that was fleeting since this is <em>SO </em>much better......... calm, soft, easy and kind of giggly sometimes. At our age, to have forfeited so much of our lives to our kids (in my case, my parents and siblings too) it's almost like being given this amazing second chance to have a happy youth. I loved reading about you and husband singing and dancing to Johnny Cash outside on a balmy summer evening.............that's exactly what we should be doing now............not ruminating about our adult children and what they are up to. It's clearly time to "live our own lives" now.</p><p></p><p>In my parent group the therapist often told us to STOP when our difficult child's were about to pull us into their chaos.............stop and say, "I'll get back to you......." give ourselves a moment to reflect and respond differently.........or a day, whatever it took...........that was a totally new thought to me, I thought I was <em>supposed</em> to be there for my child, <em>no matter what.</em>............sigh............so after I did that a few times and the sky didn't fall, I was amazed at the space that created in my life, just that one point. Yikes. I'm so happy you are doing that too. ("no more reacting with blind panic")</p><p></p><p>I completely agree that events have been hurtling towards this outcome in a mystical fashion.................I do believe in the power of intention and once that intention is set, circumstances show up to offer the roadblocks to the desired outcome..........the lessons.........if we can work through that, we can find that peace you and I were looking for..................that joy...............I also believe that if we humans can unhook ourselves from our attachments, we can certainly make a big dent in our suffering........................</p><p></p><p>As you said, "and everything changes............again." </p><p></p><p>It brings to mind that line from All about Eve where Margo Channing says, "Fasten your seat-belts, it's going to be a bumpy night." We've lived that bumpy night.........geez,..........it's good to be on level ground once again, isn't it?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 606525, member: 13542"] [COLOR=#0000ff]"Part of me is wondering where the drama went. Ha! Good for me. I am aware of having decided, somewhere in here, not to second guess myself or difficult child. Literally, she can do whatever she wants. It has nothing to do with me ~ not really. This must be what it feels like not to be enmeshed. The resentment I feel now has more to do with the time husband and I have given over. I like the part about stopping, and about switching from normal mode to something better. I will remember to do that. husband and I were talking about something similar, during the thick of everything. That we have a responsibility to ourselves to say to ourselves, "Let me think about this." No more reacting from blind panic. We haven't lived our own lives for so many years. Good thing we drank all those Manhattans, way back when. Whatever is coming for us next, it will probably be fun! I agree that events seem to have been structured, tailor made, toward this outcome. It must always have been so. We have changed. Still, the speed and intensity of the events, of the tests, seems too perfectly structured to have happened by chance. That is a good thing to know, too. And everything changes, again. My goodness." [/COLOR] ********************************************************************************************************************** Oh Barbara, I laughed hearing you say you wondered where the drama went. I know that feeling exactly! There were a few times where I actually said to SO, "I've lived in so much drama created by others around me for so long, this feels almost BORING." However, that was fleeting since this is [I]SO [/I]much better......... calm, soft, easy and kind of giggly sometimes. At our age, to have forfeited so much of our lives to our kids (in my case, my parents and siblings too) it's almost like being given this amazing second chance to have a happy youth. I loved reading about you and husband singing and dancing to Johnny Cash outside on a balmy summer evening.............that's exactly what we should be doing now............not ruminating about our adult children and what they are up to. It's clearly time to "live our own lives" now. In my parent group the therapist often told us to STOP when our difficult child's were about to pull us into their chaos.............stop and say, "I'll get back to you......." give ourselves a moment to reflect and respond differently.........or a day, whatever it took...........that was a totally new thought to me, I thought I was [I]supposed[/I] to be there for my child, [I]no matter what.[/I]............sigh............so after I did that a few times and the sky didn't fall, I was amazed at the space that created in my life, just that one point. Yikes. I'm so happy you are doing that too. ("no more reacting with blind panic") I completely agree that events have been hurtling towards this outcome in a mystical fashion.................I do believe in the power of intention and once that intention is set, circumstances show up to offer the roadblocks to the desired outcome..........the lessons.........if we can work through that, we can find that peace you and I were looking for..................that joy...............I also believe that if we humans can unhook ourselves from our attachments, we can certainly make a big dent in our suffering........................ As you said, "and everything changes............again." It brings to mind that line from All about Eve where Margo Channing says, "Fasten your seat-belts, it's going to be a bumpy night." We've lived that bumpy night.........geez,..........it's good to be on level ground once again, isn't it? [/QUOTE]
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Reporting in on the effect of letting go and believing for the best. IT HELPED :O)
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