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Reporting in on the effect of letting go and believing for the best. IT HELPED :O)
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 606560" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Barbara and Cedar, I have been struggling with that line between helping and enabling. I thought I was doing well with drawing a line between the two but realized I fell right back into enabling yesterday and saw the result.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child is doing relatively well at the moment. She is still living in Florida, working full time making $400 a week, and living in a sober house where we match what she pays for the rent. She likes her job because it is a company that was started by two men in recovery so they hire and are very supportive of others in recovery.</p><p></p><p>So what is the problem you might ask . . . she is still dependent on us financially and we don't see a way out. She has trouble living on her income and could certainly not pay the entire cost of the sober house herself. She also claims that it is very expensive to live in south Florida and that the cheapest housing she can find even with a roommate would cost $600 a month so for now she is stuck in the halfway house.</p><p></p><p>The newest wrinkle is car insurance. She was covered by a Georgia policy and it just expired. She waited until the last moment to start looking for new insurance in Florida only to find out that Florida insurance is the 10th highest in the nation. </p><p></p><p>She called and left a message and was terribly upset that the cheapest she could find was $300 down and $240 a month. I immediately sprung into action and went online to see if I could find cheaper insurance. I did find one for $500 down and $153 a month and called and told her that. Of course, she doesn't have $500 to put down and claims she can't afford $153 a month.</p><p></p><p>difficult child then started on wanting to come home and go back to school. She pointed out that insurance would be cheaper as well as in-state tuition. I told her that living with us is not an option so unless she had money saved up to live on until she could find a job it wouldn't work. She then told me that she was mentally ill and would never be able to be totally self-sufficient.</p><p></p><p>I wondered where that came from because she was doing well and we hadn't heard that from her in a while. Then I realized my mistake. As soon as she had called upset about the insurance I jumped into action to solve her problem and by doing that was giving her the message that she needed help and couldn't take care of herself and she bought right into it.</p><p></p><p>So I texted her today that I had made a mistake in trying to solve her problem and that she needed to spend today at the library using their computers to get quotes for an insurance policy that she could afford. Part of the reason it is so expensive is two tickets that she got and now she has to face the consequences.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to step back and let them potentially fall. In my difficult child's case, she will probably just end up driving without insurance.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 606560, member: 1967"] Barbara and Cedar, I have been struggling with that line between helping and enabling. I thought I was doing well with drawing a line between the two but realized I fell right back into enabling yesterday and saw the result. My difficult child is doing relatively well at the moment. She is still living in Florida, working full time making $400 a week, and living in a sober house where we match what she pays for the rent. She likes her job because it is a company that was started by two men in recovery so they hire and are very supportive of others in recovery. So what is the problem you might ask . . . she is still dependent on us financially and we don't see a way out. She has trouble living on her income and could certainly not pay the entire cost of the sober house herself. She also claims that it is very expensive to live in south Florida and that the cheapest housing she can find even with a roommate would cost $600 a month so for now she is stuck in the halfway house. The newest wrinkle is car insurance. She was covered by a Georgia policy and it just expired. She waited until the last moment to start looking for new insurance in Florida only to find out that Florida insurance is the 10th highest in the nation. She called and left a message and was terribly upset that the cheapest she could find was $300 down and $240 a month. I immediately sprung into action and went online to see if I could find cheaper insurance. I did find one for $500 down and $153 a month and called and told her that. Of course, she doesn't have $500 to put down and claims she can't afford $153 a month. difficult child then started on wanting to come home and go back to school. She pointed out that insurance would be cheaper as well as in-state tuition. I told her that living with us is not an option so unless she had money saved up to live on until she could find a job it wouldn't work. She then told me that she was mentally ill and would never be able to be totally self-sufficient. I wondered where that came from because she was doing well and we hadn't heard that from her in a while. Then I realized my mistake. As soon as she had called upset about the insurance I jumped into action to solve her problem and by doing that was giving her the message that she needed help and couldn't take care of herself and she bought right into it. So I texted her today that I had made a mistake in trying to solve her problem and that she needed to spend today at the library using their computers to get quotes for an insurance policy that she could afford. Part of the reason it is so expensive is two tickets that she got and now she has to face the consequences. It is hard to step back and let them potentially fall. In my difficult child's case, she will probably just end up driving without insurance. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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Reporting in on the effect of letting go and believing for the best. IT HELPED :O)
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