Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Reporting in on the effect of letting go and believing for the best. IT HELPED :O)
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 606759" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">:O)</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">Ha! Recovering, you are so cool.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">You are right, and these are appropriate goals to hold. You are right too, in understanding that I parented from a perspective of trying to raise my kids altogether differently than I was raised, and that I held myself to an unattainable standard. Here is an interesting thing: I told husband about the FB comment your daughter made. Recovering, our children feel the same way. After rebelling against family and family values, they invariably come back, angrily claiming that family should help family. There is thinly disguised resentment, no matter how many licenses we have reinstated, no matter how many cars we have bought or bills we have paid or children we have taken in, that we aren't doing enough, or that we aren't doing it willingly (happily) enough. There is that sense that they are being cheated....</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">I never connected those feelings to the impetus for perfection (with its attending guilt/shame at not attaining perfection) that fueled, not only my parenting, but everything in my life. But the connection is there. I will be taking a look at that, now.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">Interesting, to have a look at that dynamic from my reaction to hearing someone else's child express those same feelings.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">In all these years, and after all that therapy, I never considered things from this angle.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">Like your daughter, my children are so easily able to sacrifice their children's needs to their own...but then, they have always had us to fall back on, and parenting is hard. Strange, that in trying to parent differently than I was parented, I went so far in the other direction that I created...my mother.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">Interesting to note that my mother's mother was a "perfect" mother, too. And that, to this day, my mother is a difficult child.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">Well, I'll be darned.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">Pass that Chardonnay!</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">I will bring the chocolate.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">*****</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">So...my road to recovery will involve planning for less than perfection without going into a tailspin. This is going to be impossible, for me. I ALWAYS strive for perfection, and am very uncomfortable when things don't look, feel, or smell just so.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">I don't think I can do it.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #333333"><span style="font-family: 'Georgia'">:O)</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 606759, member: 1721"] [COLOR=#333333][FONT=Georgia] :O) Ha! Recovering, you are so cool. You are right, and these are appropriate goals to hold. You are right too, in understanding that I parented from a perspective of trying to raise my kids altogether differently than I was raised, and that I held myself to an unattainable standard. Here is an interesting thing: I told husband about the FB comment your daughter made. Recovering, our children feel the same way. After rebelling against family and family values, they invariably come back, angrily claiming that family should help family. There is thinly disguised resentment, no matter how many licenses we have reinstated, no matter how many cars we have bought or bills we have paid or children we have taken in, that we aren't doing enough, or that we aren't doing it willingly (happily) enough. There is that sense that they are being cheated.... I never connected those feelings to the impetus for perfection (with its attending guilt/shame at not attaining perfection) that fueled, not only my parenting, but everything in my life. But the connection is there. I will be taking a look at that, now. Interesting, to have a look at that dynamic from my reaction to hearing someone else's child express those same feelings. In all these years, and after all that therapy, I never considered things from this angle. Like your daughter, my children are so easily able to sacrifice their children's needs to their own...but then, they have always had us to fall back on, and parenting is hard. Strange, that in trying to parent differently than I was parented, I went so far in the other direction that I created...my mother. Interesting to note that my mother's mother was a "perfect" mother, too. And that, to this day, my mother is a difficult child. Well, I'll be darned. Pass that Chardonnay! I will bring the chocolate. ***** So...my road to recovery will involve planning for less than perfection without going into a tailspin. This is going to be impossible, for me. I ALWAYS strive for perfection, and am very uncomfortable when things don't look, feel, or smell just so. I don't think I can do it. :O)[/font][/color] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Reporting in on the effect of letting go and believing for the best. IT HELPED :O)
Top