Rescuing or Helping that is the ?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by missdot, Nov 28, 2007.

  1. missdot

    missdot New Member

    My difficult child has been suspended from school several times this year. Mostly for being insubordinate, once for PDA, and then again for making out with-g-friend under stairwell. First day back to school after being suspended and holiday and he had a meltdown yelling and being a total mess, why you ask because poor child was asked to get a book out for class. Anyhow he has been referred to Alternative School...........Part of me says go in and fight for my kid, but in reality I keep fighting for him and trying to save him from alternative and he keeps this behavior up. So have I been helping him or rescuing him? I think I know the answer. But I want to know if I keep fighting for him he will continue to think has no consequences. Suspended from school he gets to stay home..........the only thing he is missing is his social life since he isnt doing the work. Any suggestions as to where I go from here ?
  2. jamrobmic

    jamrobmic New Member

    What medications is he on? If he has a tendency toward bipolar, as you wrote, some medications can make the behavior you're seeing worse. Some might not make it worse, but might not make it any better, either.

    We were in a similar situation with our son when he was around your son's age, and I, too, thought suffering natural consequences would straighten him out. It didn't work like that. He just kept spiraling down. We went so far as to have him put in juvenile detention (thinking that would really teach him a lesson), and it didn't change his behavior. I know now that he was unstable at that time, so no amount of punishment was going to get through to him.

    I think you have to go with your gut feeling as to why he's behaving the way he is and go from there. I decided that even if I was wrong and my son was delinquent and not ill, I still owed it to him to give him the benefit of the doubt and fight for him. There was more to lose by not giving him that chance. Also, I think it's possible to let them know their behavior isn't acceptable without throwing them to the wolves the way we did when our son first started having problems. Consequences don't always have to be in the form of some kind of punishment.