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Resentment toward son and him having a baby on the way
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 681706" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi DM, I'm so sorry for your current stress about the baby and your son and the baby's mother. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, I know it is really hard, but try hard not to "awfulize" which is what Al-Anoners call it. We play the most awful movie in our heads and it is so hard to stop. In truth, we have no way of knowing the twists and turns the future holds. There is just as much potential for something good to happen, even with the history you have experience, as there is for something bad to happen. In fact, you'll hear many say that with the 20-something young men, especially, these types of life changes, having a baby and others, are a strong catalyst for change. The point is...we don't know. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It sounds like some positive steps are happening for him. Every one of these experiences in jail and outside of jail is another chance...another pivot point...for him to change. It's up to him of course, and who knows, but it can happen. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>These are good strong words. We have to learn how to detach with love. Al-Anon is a great place to hear about this idea and to start to put "meat on the bones" of something that seems hard to fathom at first. We love them so much and we can't do one single thing to influence what they will do next. We must, for the sake first of ourselves...but secondly for them...detach. If we don't, we are standing in the way of them finding their own path, which for sure won't be anything we could have dreamed up. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Making support tools like Al-Anon top of the list is what we have to do, in order to change our thinking...and then our behavior. </p><p></p><p><strong><u>If nothing changes, nothing changes. </u></strong></p><p></p><p><strong><u>We have to change.</u></strong> </p><p></p><p>And in order to change, we <strong><u>have to learn how</u></strong> to do things differently. </p><p></p><p>I hope you will reprioritize and start assembling a toolbox of tools that work for you. This is the pathway to peace. It truly is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 681706, member: 17542"] Hi DM, I'm so sorry for your current stress about the baby and your son and the baby's mother. Yes, I know it is really hard, but try hard not to "awfulize" which is what Al-Anoners call it. We play the most awful movie in our heads and it is so hard to stop. In truth, we have no way of knowing the twists and turns the future holds. There is just as much potential for something good to happen, even with the history you have experience, as there is for something bad to happen. In fact, you'll hear many say that with the 20-something young men, especially, these types of life changes, having a baby and others, are a strong catalyst for change. The point is...we don't know. It sounds like some positive steps are happening for him. Every one of these experiences in jail and outside of jail is another chance...another pivot point...for him to change. It's up to him of course, and who knows, but it can happen. These are good strong words. We have to learn how to detach with love. Al-Anon is a great place to hear about this idea and to start to put "meat on the bones" of something that seems hard to fathom at first. We love them so much and we can't do one single thing to influence what they will do next. We must, for the sake first of ourselves...but secondly for them...detach. If we don't, we are standing in the way of them finding their own path, which for sure won't be anything we could have dreamed up. Making support tools like Al-Anon top of the list is what we have to do, in order to change our thinking...and then our behavior. [B][U]If nothing changes, nothing changes. [/U][/B] [B][U]We have to change.[/U][/B] And in order to change, we [B][U]have to learn how[/U][/B] to do things differently. I hope you will reprioritize and start assembling a toolbox of tools that work for you. This is the pathway to peace. It truly is. [/QUOTE]
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Resentment toward son and him having a baby on the way
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