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Rest easy........Christmas IS coming.
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 106897" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>She also sees that I want to do x-mas,</p><p></p><p>THAT is all it takes to do it. If you want to (and you said you do - then do it) </p><p></p><p>I think also that I would be calling the governors office of your state and asking them WHY there is never a call to give you a respite. Most respite offices are state run- a call to the top dog often helps push the wiener dog along. </p><p></p><p>It's really hard to draw a line in the sand and when we get so desperate - we think to ourselves "WHAT is the biggest thing that I could take away that will make an impact - for life?" and the sad reality of this - is nothing. If they do it today they will do it tomorrow. I think Isis was tremendously lucky when she decided to brave what she did - and for her family it paid off. I wouldn't be so lucky = I would come off like the Grinch that stole Christmas. </p><p></p><p>Thing is - there ISN'T anything that we can take away today that will change them forever. If that were true - can you see the size of the post to follow? Poster: take away their underwear it will get you results of better behavior. Group: TAKE IT AWAY? All kinds? Just the boxers? Briefs? Cotton? And then there would be like 1,000,000 interview, Blog sites and all because YOU came up with that ONE thing you could take away from a child that would change their behavior for good and positive. </p><p></p><p>The only thing that works is learning to effectively communicate with your children. Working with a therapist for a long time, medications trials, Consistently sticking with and tweaking your parenting skills, consequences and rewards - and just loving your kids. Getting a break helps a lot. Learning how to say NO and make it stick or saying things ONCE - helps you to calm and zen. </p><p></p><p>I think I would probably tell the boys : Okay here's the deal. I am wiping the slate clean. I am working hard to setting the dial BACK to zero, but....and it's a BIG BUTT - YOU both are going to have to work to help me keep the Spirit of Christmas in our home. HERE is a chart - HERE ARE THE WRITTEN RULES - here are the CONSEQUENCES and HERE are the rewards You decide their yourkids it's your family - but make the consequences short. Standing in the corner for 5 or 8 minutes depending on age. Writing an apology letter if they curse. Vacuum the house if they curse or say a bad word - and LIST the bad words. Then tell them you will have a meeting every night to go over the chart and see their progress. Make it a fun meeting - popcorn, sodas - and see if they both worked on the CHORE LIST - to attain their goals and get their rewards. </p><p></p><p>I think you are headed for a poster board sized chore list and RULES OF THIS HOUSE - .59 cents at Dollar General </p><p></p><p>You can even make it fun by allowing them to pick out and suggest prizes for goals they reach </p><p></p><p>Hoping you find something here that helps. I have no more lightbulb momnents for my own - i DO have a file cabinet full of suggestions and therapy methods we've tried. Nothing worked for us - but maybe something here will for you. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Celebrations all around! </p><p>Star</p><p></p><p>ps and remember - even a single parent HAS TO LEARN not to make threats. Once you say it - you are done.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 106897, member: 4964"] She also sees that I want to do x-mas, THAT is all it takes to do it. If you want to (and you said you do - then do it) I think also that I would be calling the governors office of your state and asking them WHY there is never a call to give you a respite. Most respite offices are state run- a call to the top dog often helps push the wiener dog along. It's really hard to draw a line in the sand and when we get so desperate - we think to ourselves "WHAT is the biggest thing that I could take away that will make an impact - for life?" and the sad reality of this - is nothing. If they do it today they will do it tomorrow. I think Isis was tremendously lucky when she decided to brave what she did - and for her family it paid off. I wouldn't be so lucky = I would come off like the Grinch that stole Christmas. Thing is - there ISN'T anything that we can take away today that will change them forever. If that were true - can you see the size of the post to follow? Poster: take away their underwear it will get you results of better behavior. Group: TAKE IT AWAY? All kinds? Just the boxers? Briefs? Cotton? And then there would be like 1,000,000 interview, Blog sites and all because YOU came up with that ONE thing you could take away from a child that would change their behavior for good and positive. The only thing that works is learning to effectively communicate with your children. Working with a therapist for a long time, medications trials, Consistently sticking with and tweaking your parenting skills, consequences and rewards - and just loving your kids. Getting a break helps a lot. Learning how to say NO and make it stick or saying things ONCE - helps you to calm and zen. I think I would probably tell the boys : Okay here's the deal. I am wiping the slate clean. I am working hard to setting the dial BACK to zero, but....and it's a BIG BUTT - YOU both are going to have to work to help me keep the Spirit of Christmas in our home. HERE is a chart - HERE ARE THE WRITTEN RULES - here are the CONSEQUENCES and HERE are the rewards You decide their yourkids it's your family - but make the consequences short. Standing in the corner for 5 or 8 minutes depending on age. Writing an apology letter if they curse. Vacuum the house if they curse or say a bad word - and LIST the bad words. Then tell them you will have a meeting every night to go over the chart and see their progress. Make it a fun meeting - popcorn, sodas - and see if they both worked on the CHORE LIST - to attain their goals and get their rewards. I think you are headed for a poster board sized chore list and RULES OF THIS HOUSE - .59 cents at Dollar General You can even make it fun by allowing them to pick out and suggest prizes for goals they reach Hoping you find something here that helps. I have no more lightbulb momnents for my own - i DO have a file cabinet full of suggestions and therapy methods we've tried. Nothing worked for us - but maybe something here will for you. Hugs Celebrations all around! Star ps and remember - even a single parent HAS TO LEARN not to make threats. Once you say it - you are done. [/QUOTE]
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