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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 678946" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> hear you loud and clear, risa. Unfortunately the facts, which we were not aware of at the time we adoptred, indicate that adopting infants of any race trump older kids of any race because early love and touch and nurturing of all babies is paramount to the ability of a child to feel love for others. Orphanages and indifferent foster homes do not wire a childs brain to accept love. Many older adoptedkids in a bjg group I joined are much like your child and mine. They learn young that nobody will soothe them when they cry... no one loving person anyway...so they learn to only depend on themselves.</p><p></p><p>Many dispkay dangerous behavior and shun love. Mine did not act out nor do drugs, but he could not bond to us as parents. He was and is brilliant and very successful. In his teens we discussed his feelongs, but he couldnt attach and turned to religion which helped him feel part of a group, but he would have needed years of controversial types of attachment therapy to help him be able to bond with us. This therapy was not well known at the time and even now has differing outcomes. Our younger adoptees (one korean, one african american and one biracial) bonded as if id given birth to them. We are all very close and loving. But they joined us very young. My youngest...I got to watch her birth. And hold her first.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you hurt tonight and will sat prayers for your family and hope your son finds his way out of drug land. Im glad you have a precious daughter who loves you very much. You did nothing wrong. Your son just did not get to know you until he was six and that matters, same as me. Same as the other parents in the group who adoped children who were not young and through nobodys fault did not attach. We all believed our love would make up for those early years.</p><p></p><p>I always advise would be adopters who ask to adopt the youngest child they can or to expect possibly serious problems. Not always, but mostly. If only our social workers had told us the truth. Almost every child from my sons country who came older that I know of actually did worse than my son did. If only...my son has been to china many times but still lives here. Your son is unlikely to trily like life in another country having grown up here. Does he even know the language?</p><p></p><p>Have a peaceful day. You can not control your son...just yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 678946, member: 1550"] I :) hear you loud and clear, risa. Unfortunately the facts, which we were not aware of at the time we adoptred, indicate that adopting infants of any race trump older kids of any race because early love and touch and nurturing of all babies is paramount to the ability of a child to feel love for others. Orphanages and indifferent foster homes do not wire a childs brain to accept love. Many older adoptedkids in a bjg group I joined are much like your child and mine. They learn young that nobody will soothe them when they cry... no one loving person anyway...so they learn to only depend on themselves. Many dispkay dangerous behavior and shun love. Mine did not act out nor do drugs, but he could not bond to us as parents. He was and is brilliant and very successful. In his teens we discussed his feelongs, but he couldnt attach and turned to religion which helped him feel part of a group, but he would have needed years of controversial types of attachment therapy to help him be able to bond with us. This therapy was not well known at the time and even now has differing outcomes. Our younger adoptees (one korean, one african american and one biracial) bonded as if id given birth to them. We are all very close and loving. But they joined us very young. My youngest...I got to watch her birth. And hold her first. I am sorry you hurt tonight and will sat prayers for your family and hope your son finds his way out of drug land. Im glad you have a precious daughter who loves you very much. You did nothing wrong. Your son just did not get to know you until he was six and that matters, same as me. Same as the other parents in the group who adoped children who were not young and through nobodys fault did not attach. We all believed our love would make up for those early years. I always advise would be adopters who ask to adopt the youngest child they can or to expect possibly serious problems. Not always, but mostly. If only our social workers had told us the truth. Almost every child from my sons country who came older that I know of actually did worse than my son did. If only...my son has been to china many times but still lives here. Your son is unlikely to trily like life in another country having grown up here. Does he even know the language? Have a peaceful day. You can not control your son...just yourself. [/QUOTE]
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