Returning home rage

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by FTN, Feb 28, 2008.

  1. FTN

    FTN New Member

    I'm just venting. Thanks all for listening ahead of time.

    We picked difficult child up from her pedophile father's and she was immediately a pill. She threw her bags in the car and a milkshake which spilled. Yelled at us how she didn't wanna go home because she couldn't play with a neighborhood kid. Then when we stopped at the grocery store, acted like a normal kid again. But when we got home, immediately tried hitting the cat with a box and spoke about how she wants to kill it with a shotgun. She laughed at me scolding her over that behavior so I sent her to her room. Once inside, she started crying and talking to herself.
     
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Something is very very wrong. Her behavior is a signal that there is a BIG problem, most likely during her visit with her father. Has she ever been evaluated by a professional for sexual abuse? Wanting to hurt animals is a MAJOR red flag.

    Call CPS or whomever the city/county has that protects kids. It is time to protect her. And get some help for her - bigtime. Dad is a pedophile, and her behavior is a sign.

    I am so sorry.

    Susie
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, did anything any of us suggest happen? Is wife going to get help for herself and these kids? Are you sure this child wasn't abused at dad's house? If she's talking to herself, she could have severe psychiatric problems. I don't believe she is being "bad" I believe she is quite disturbed (and not getting help won't make it better) and probably mentally ill (and not getting medical treatment is equally as bad). This may sound tough, but in my opinion venting won't help. This child needs HELP--serious help on all levels. She was sexually abused and is talking to herself, which could mean hallucinations. She obviously has a genetic predisposition to mental illness. Her father obviously has some mental health disorder and the mother doesn't sound too stable either. Blaming her, and not helping her won't change anything. Nothing. Things will stay exactly as they are, or get 10X worse. Abused kids need serious intervention--they tend to believe THEY deserved it and are "bad." I work at a home for domestic abuse. The stories I hear from the kids are so sad sometimes it makes me cry, often it makes me angry that the parent didn't get help sooner. BUT...once they are at our shelter they are getting help then. It's fine to vent, but your SO has to DO or else expect this to happen. I'm not surprised it did. She should never be around this pedophile. If wife doesn't want to fight in court, she isn't protecting her child. If she won't take her to see a Psychiatrist, she is neglecting her needs. I'm not at all angry at YOU. YOU took this on and are trying to help. SO needs a push to get help for herself and her kids (a serious push). Another suggestion--I woudln't let any of these kids anywhere near guns. They have a lot of anger inside of them and two have expressed the desire to shoot people. They may never do it, but with the way kids are shooting others up at schools, I sure wouldn't think that THESE kids are good candidates to be handling guns, at least not until their mental health issues are resolved. Even the easy child's have problems if they were abused. I just don't want to see a tragedy happen here. PLEASE get everyone help. This family that you have chosen to try to help and to love CAN'T function normally if things are just swept under the rug, and the children are treated as if they are just normal, typical kids who need to behave. They've seen and been through too much and they all need help, especially difficult child. SO needs serious help too or she's never going to be able to function as a strong good mother to these children. Maybe you an lean on her hard to get the help that everyone needs, especially difficult child. Hope I didn't sound too mean...lol. That wasn't my intention. But, really, things have to change or they'll only get worse as this child gets older...Hurting animals is a big red flag that things are escalating on the mental health front. It's one of the three signs of a budding psychopath. With all she's been through, and since she isn't getting mental health, she could end up in serious trouble. She needs a Psychiatrist (with the MD). And I'm really not liking SO. I know she probably has "beaten woman syndrome" but she can't be so blind that she doesn't know how badly her chlidren need help. She put them in that situation and maybe feels guilty, but it can even get worse. She can help them NOW, even if she didn't do it before...
     
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    She is giving several signs that she may well have been abused as well. It is common for a child being abused, whether sexually or physically, to try to protect the parent doing the abuse, so denial is common. Do NOT make allegations to her about possible abuse. Instead, have her seen by a therapist who specializes in abuse cases (call the local police department to get a name). The reason I am saying this is because the charges made by the two older girls were dismissed due to lack of proof. You'll need to tread very carefully if daddy dearest is abusing her to get the DA to listen and do something.

    No matter what, this little one needs help. I hope you find a way to get her some soon.
     
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    (((FTN)))

    I have to commend you again for sticking through this. You are a good man.
    I agree with MB, this kid needs to be looked at, but tread lightly. This poor kid would go to the ends of the earth to protect dad.
    Even if she does not know the specifics of what happened with her sisters, she KNOWS that there is bad blood between the members of her home and her father. She will protect him at all costs.
     
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Is she in therapy? It seems like it might help her to deal with some of her anger issues.

    I have to say that it makes me uncomfortable that you call her father "her pedophile father". As much as you may believe this is so, he wasn't convicted of it, and she says it isn't so. If he's a lousy good for nothing, she'll figure it out quicker if you refrain from pointing it out to her. If you call him names or otherwise make it obvious that you disapprove of the visits, her behavior seems to be about what should be expected of her. That the other girls go to the gun range and shoot at pictures of him which they bring home and post on their doors can't be healthy for her, and that you allow it is actually more than a little disturbing. Whatever he is, he's her father and she loves him. That's her cross to bear. You can't make her feel small or guilty about it without ugly consequences.

    Have you sought therapy to deal with your anger over this issue? Anger is never the answer. A clear and level head usually is.
     
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