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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 643888" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Interesting article MWM. I like that he said "your response is about you." </p><p></p><p>The last time I had revenge thoughts was during my divorce from my daughter's Dad 40 years ago. It certainly was a breech of trust in my estimation and my fantasy life was RICH with revenge thoughts! Fortunately I never acted on any of them. </p><p></p><p>I tend to look at a lot from a metaphysical standpoint and during that time in my life I read a book which stated that "our greatest adversaries are our greatest teachers." Well, that was a new thought! That struck a chord for me because as a result of that divorce, I changed so much, I learned many life lessons during that time which were extremely valuable for me. I went on a very different life path which was a result of what I learned during that time and of how I responded to my ex's behavior. </p><p></p><p>From that point I started looking at those kinds of incidents in life, where you feel betrayed or hurt, or blamed, or whatever, as opportunities for me to learn something about myself, that it wasn't about the other, it's about me. They have their own opportunities to grow or whatever they choose to do. I can choose to see it as a lesson. That helped me so much with my bio-family and continued to be very helpful throughout my life. I can't always get there right away, but I work at it as I move through my feelings always looking for what the opportunity is for me to learn. Once I can learn the lesson, it all evaporates for me, it has no more power over me.</p><p></p><p>Sort of like that adage about when you point at another, to notice that four fingers are always pointing back at you........that what we judge, (especially vehemently), can be something about ourselves that we haven't identified yet. That's been helpful to me as well.......and it stops the judgement, or blame, or whatever it is and turns it back on me. It gives me the power to change it and opens the door for me to grow, heal and learn. And, there are those too who once trust is broken, I simply stay away from. That's an important choice to make, not everyone has our best interests in mind or is someone we can trust. Some folks aren't willfully harming others, it's just all they know, but their lack of awareness can be hurtful to me. It doesn't feel good to me to be blaming or revengeful or judgmental, it has a negative impact on me, so for me to look at it the way I do has worked well for me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 643888, member: 13542"] Interesting article MWM. I like that he said "your response is about you." The last time I had revenge thoughts was during my divorce from my daughter's Dad 40 years ago. It certainly was a breech of trust in my estimation and my fantasy life was RICH with revenge thoughts! Fortunately I never acted on any of them. I tend to look at a lot from a metaphysical standpoint and during that time in my life I read a book which stated that "our greatest adversaries are our greatest teachers." Well, that was a new thought! That struck a chord for me because as a result of that divorce, I changed so much, I learned many life lessons during that time which were extremely valuable for me. I went on a very different life path which was a result of what I learned during that time and of how I responded to my ex's behavior. From that point I started looking at those kinds of incidents in life, where you feel betrayed or hurt, or blamed, or whatever, as opportunities for me to learn something about myself, that it wasn't about the other, it's about me. They have their own opportunities to grow or whatever they choose to do. I can choose to see it as a lesson. That helped me so much with my bio-family and continued to be very helpful throughout my life. I can't always get there right away, but I work at it as I move through my feelings always looking for what the opportunity is for me to learn. Once I can learn the lesson, it all evaporates for me, it has no more power over me. Sort of like that adage about when you point at another, to notice that four fingers are always pointing back at you........that what we judge, (especially vehemently), can be something about ourselves that we haven't identified yet. That's been helpful to me as well.......and it stops the judgement, or blame, or whatever it is and turns it back on me. It gives me the power to change it and opens the door for me to grow, heal and learn. And, there are those too who once trust is broken, I simply stay away from. That's an important choice to make, not everyone has our best interests in mind or is someone we can trust. Some folks aren't willfully harming others, it's just all they know, but their lack of awareness can be hurtful to me. It doesn't feel good to me to be blaming or revengeful or judgmental, it has a negative impact on me, so for me to look at it the way I do has worked well for me. [/QUOTE]
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