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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 525840" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>With all due respect to those on this forum with adoptions gone off the rails... </p><p>I have an older-adoptee (i.e. grade-school) sibling, a handful of adopted-at-birth cousins, and probably a couple dozen adoptees where I'm either friends with the adoptee or with the parents.</p><p></p><p>Some have gone well.</p><p>Some are off the rails.</p><p></p><p>My sibling... <em>should have been</em> an off-the-rails case. Came out of a horrid situation as a toddler, bounced around for the years from then until an adoptive home accepted... and then rejected... before coming to our home. Should have been extreme Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), in theory. BUT... the early toddler period was with a Mom who really did love her kids (just a raft of other problems). When they pulled the kids, my sib was of an age that it "could have" and "should have" been a major strain on the bond-development... but somehow, the bonding that formed at "home" provided a basis for normal relationships later. Not perfect... but within reasonable standards. I know kids from non-adoptive situations that are in way worse shape.</p><p></p><p>Some on this board - like MWM - have a full range of experiences with adoptees... </p><p></p><p>Adoption is NEVER the ideal. In real life, a dwindling number of kids get a chance at "ideal" anyway... how many homes do you know of where there is two parents, their own kids, and no step kids, with financial stability and emotional strength? </p><p></p><p>Those extended-connection adoptions? The ones that have had problems... have all adopted babies who were exposed to substance abuse, OR with family histories of significant mental illness.</p><p></p><p>The criminality to me is that adoption agencies are not required to pursue such details fully from the birth parents - and maybe can never be 100% due to unknown fathers etc. - and are not required to fully disclose these details to prospective adoptive parents.</p><p></p><p>But what to do with babies that come from these situations? Any form of public care will just increase the damage, as they will never form normal attachments... but adopting these out can leave a wide wake of damage to others. There is no good answer, anywhere.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 525840, member: 11791"] With all due respect to those on this forum with adoptions gone off the rails... I have an older-adoptee (i.e. grade-school) sibling, a handful of adopted-at-birth cousins, and probably a couple dozen adoptees where I'm either friends with the adoptee or with the parents. Some have gone well. Some are off the rails. My sibling... [I]should have been[/I] an off-the-rails case. Came out of a horrid situation as a toddler, bounced around for the years from then until an adoptive home accepted... and then rejected... before coming to our home. Should have been extreme Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), in theory. BUT... the early toddler period was with a Mom who really did love her kids (just a raft of other problems). When they pulled the kids, my sib was of an age that it "could have" and "should have" been a major strain on the bond-development... but somehow, the bonding that formed at "home" provided a basis for normal relationships later. Not perfect... but within reasonable standards. I know kids from non-adoptive situations that are in way worse shape. Some on this board - like MWM - have a full range of experiences with adoptees... Adoption is NEVER the ideal. In real life, a dwindling number of kids get a chance at "ideal" anyway... how many homes do you know of where there is two parents, their own kids, and no step kids, with financial stability and emotional strength? Those extended-connection adoptions? The ones that have had problems... have all adopted babies who were exposed to substance abuse, OR with family histories of significant mental illness. The criminality to me is that adoption agencies are not required to pursue such details fully from the birth parents - and maybe can never be 100% due to unknown fathers etc. - and are not required to fully disclose these details to prospective adoptive parents. But what to do with babies that come from these situations? Any form of public care will just increase the damage, as they will never form normal attachments... but adopting these out can leave a wide wake of damage to others. There is no good answer, anywhere. [/QUOTE]
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