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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 525916" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I was talking last night to two women in my support group. One has 3 adult kids, all in their 30's, all messed up with mental problems, the other has a son with bipolar and then there's me, the 'success story' with a kid who is 39 and lives in a room with 4 cats <em>which is huge step above living in her car.</em> Talk about lowering your expectations! I don't believe there is a finish line, that's been part of my detachment process. When I look down the road, I see my stepping in on occasion to assist my difficult child, for the rest of my life. I'm ok with that now, but I was not before.</p><p></p><p>I was just talking to my SO about this today. He has two grown sons, both wonderful people, great husbands and Dads, contributing members of society, loving people, doing very well in their lives. I said, "you know, I will never have that, I will never have that kind of an easy time where your sons call up and say, Hi Dad, what are you doing,and then you have an easy conversation and you get off the phone and because you know your son is handling his life and you trust that, you now go on with YOUR life. And you feel good." My relationship with my difficult child is just not easy. It's who she is. I've accepted that and I am not anguished by it. I will not have that sense of ease that my SO has when he deals with his kids. </p><p></p><p>I am detached, I am accepting, I am pretty removed actually. But I will never have what he has. I'm not yearning for it anymore, but because of the way it's been, how hard it's been, especially raising my daughter and my sister alone, I would make different choices if I had it to do over again. Maybe just as we all get older, out of the child bearing years, our priorities shift and we can look at it with clearer eyes, I don't know. I only know what my truth is. It's been a very long road. It really sucks the life out of you at times and if you go through it for a long time, your life suffers on every possible level. And, on top of all of that, you then have to detach and accept, which is a monumental task for a parent. </p><p></p><p>Interestingly, most of my best girlfriends are not mothers, they made that choice. I think a big part of me really envied them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 525916, member: 13542"] I was talking last night to two women in my support group. One has 3 adult kids, all in their 30's, all messed up with mental problems, the other has a son with bipolar and then there's me, the 'success story' with a kid who is 39 and lives in a room with 4 cats [I]which is huge step above living in her car.[/I] Talk about lowering your expectations! I don't believe there is a finish line, that's been part of my detachment process. When I look down the road, I see my stepping in on occasion to assist my difficult child, for the rest of my life. I'm ok with that now, but I was not before. I was just talking to my SO about this today. He has two grown sons, both wonderful people, great husbands and Dads, contributing members of society, loving people, doing very well in their lives. I said, "you know, I will never have that, I will never have that kind of an easy time where your sons call up and say, Hi Dad, what are you doing,and then you have an easy conversation and you get off the phone and because you know your son is handling his life and you trust that, you now go on with YOUR life. And you feel good." My relationship with my difficult child is just not easy. It's who she is. I've accepted that and I am not anguished by it. I will not have that sense of ease that my SO has when he deals with his kids. I am detached, I am accepting, I am pretty removed actually. But I will never have what he has. I'm not yearning for it anymore, but because of the way it's been, how hard it's been, especially raising my daughter and my sister alone, I would make different choices if I had it to do over again. Maybe just as we all get older, out of the child bearing years, our priorities shift and we can look at it with clearer eyes, I don't know. I only know what my truth is. It's been a very long road. It really sucks the life out of you at times and if you go through it for a long time, your life suffers on every possible level. And, on top of all of that, you then have to detach and accept, which is a monumental task for a parent. Interestingly, most of my best girlfriends are not mothers, they made that choice. I think a big part of me really envied them. [/QUOTE]
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