Rosepress....I'm thinking of you today!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by DDD, Jul 21, 2013.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm hoping you are comfortable with whatever resulted the other night. If he's gone I'm sure you are in emotional turmoil. If his exit got delayed I'm sure you are in emotional turmoil. Sigh! No matter how Friday night passed by, we are on your team and available if you need to vent. Hugs DDD
     
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm thinking about you, too. Let us know how things went.

    {{{Hugs}}}

    ~Kathy
     
  3. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Another here thinking of you.

    Hugs,
    LMS
     
  4. lovemyson1

    lovemyson1 Active Member

    Me too. ((hugs)) My thoughts are with you as well..
     
  5. rosepress

    rosepress New Member

    Thanks for your guys support...it was horrible. His dad told him to get clean or leave our home, he told him we loved him, but we canno longer enable him and let him live in our home and turn it upside down. He was still under the influence of weed, pills and I think alcohol, so it wasn't the best time to talk to him, but enough was enough. He packed his bag, told me that I am a F****** C*** and that he hoped I burned in hell and he turn to his dad and told him that he was the biggest P#### he knew. This wasn't him talking, we know its the drugs. He always hugged us and told us he loved us and knew we loved him, so it didn't upset me to much what was coming out of his mouth. His dad, on the other hand, was so upset. My husbands blood pressure is elevated, he is having a racing heart and having trouble sleeping and concentrating on his work at his job. He feels he has somehow failed as a father...which he hasn't. Hes a good Christian man with a big heart who would do anything for his kids, this is why he has enabled him as long as he did, but knows this is it.

    My son was outside in our driveway, trying to find someone to pick him up. We thought he had already left and my husband went outside to throw away some trash and he made a scene outside for all the neighbors to hear, calling him names again and kept repeating "go to hell" and that he is being kicked out just because he smokes a "little weed". Its not a little weed, its a LOT of weed, and pills, and alcohol, and did I mention cough syrup, Nyquil? Anything to alter his mood. He lost his job, car and apartment because of that "little weed". His whole life is effected by that "little weed".

    I pray every day like I said that the Lord gives me strength to "let go". I cant say we haven't tried to help him, he refuses help, not ready to quit. Last night, was nice, I hate to say. It was drama free and peaceful. I even cleaned his room which reeked of weed and God knows what else. He trashed the room. I even turned in into a laundry room once again...my husband commented that he sees I am moving on, I told him I pray that he does the same. We told our son he can come back and live with us, even if it was FOREVER, but he would have to be clean and sober and live by our rules.

    We asked my youngest last night what he was feeling since his brother left...he sais his brother was like a "Virus" and that he wanted him out. He said he was robbing him of his childhood, after all his older brother had a good one, why shouldn't he? He said he has no real relationship with him so he said, "you cant miss something you never had". I wanted to cry, my soon to be 13 year old has more sense than his 20 year old brother.

    We are having a little trouble with the grandparents enabling him...his grandpa told him he doesn't want him to live with him, but he can come by to visit and take showers. My husband is upset. His grandma called me this morning to tell me my son called her to "pick him up from someones house"...he was at a party all night...she called to ask me if she should, I said no, but she did anyway. She tried to talk to him about his situation and he yelled and said, "they threw me out cuz I smoke a little weed"......she told me she wasn't picking him up anymore. She and her ex husband, his grandpa are BIG ENABLERS.

    I am sorry I rattled on and on...all of this isn't NOTHING new for you guys. Same stuff, different people. Thanks to all of you, for listening and caring. I may not be crying now, and I may seem "strong" but it will hit me when I think about that cute little boy I raised and wonder why. My job now is to take care of my youngest son and my husband. I wont sit back and let my oldest ruin what we have still left here. I will make my home fun again and give my youngest a happy childhood, and take care of my husband and build him up again...if my oldest wants to destroy his life, he can, he wont take us down with him.
     
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the update. You have done an awesome job of surviving the painful separation. Staying busy and refocused as been helpful for many of us. Then again, sad to say, do expect to have moments when you are overwhelmed with the reality of the new family status. Over the years most of us have turned into sobbing puddles triggered by an old picture or fixing a favorite meal or holidays. Your choice was right. Your choice was necessary. Your choice will offer everyone the chance for a happier future. Many hugs. DDD
     
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Good for you for standing so firm!

    I am sorry about the "exit drama"...I half expect it this Friday when we put our Young difficult child out. They think we are being unreasonable and unfair because they want to continue enjoying all the creature comforts while using. You're right, enough is enough.

    I hope your husband will begin to see that THIS was the most "loving thing" you could do. Your younger son's pain and anger says it all. He sounds like a very smart boy.

    Thinking of you...especially in the days ahead. It is so hard to put our son's out on the "street" but they put drugs first, not us. This is the result of their own doing.

    Just remember...enabling kills.
    That's what I have to keep in mind too.
    Big hugs..You did the right thing.
    LMS
     
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    So much of what your son is doing to you sounds so familiar. Hopefully your son does not have the same mental health issues as my son but the attitude of its "just weed", being awful to you, and "no other parents do this" is all something I have been through.

    I have been sworn at, called names, and told I would never see my grandchildren (who thankfully dont exist yet).

    But I will say that we are moving into a better relationship. I dont think it will ever be really close until he is sober and wants to be, and has dealt with some of his mental health issues... but it is much closer than it was. He now does tell us he loves us (didnt do that for years) and yesterday when he got suicidal he called us.... and was gald we were with him when we took him to the hospital and thanked us when we were leaving. I dont think he is really blaming us anymore for his messed up life....

    The other thing I want to say is you really do need to keep protecting your younger son. He is making it very clear he wants and needs you to do that. That was also true of my daughter and she has totally thrived since my son has not been here. I am convinced that she would nto be doing as well if he had been at home these last three years.

    She and my son do not currently have a relationship which is heartbreaking to me as they were close when they were younger.... but I also can see that until he gets his act together they wont have one and it is really up to him to mend it. She is keeping a healthy distance from him and that has to be ok with me.

    TL
     
  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Hi Rosepress - you sound like you are in a great place! Many hugs your way!! Yes, most of us have been there. At 17 years old I had to give my daughter the ultimatum of rehab or be on her own after I found her meth laden pipe in her dresser. She chose to be a couch surfer for a couple of years and is currently in jail 7.5 months pregnant. I have been one broken hearted mom for many years. Always wanting her to be "normal" thinking I could fix her. I have only recently come to grips with the reality that I can't...

    Add my easy child to the list of younger siblings with more common sense and knowledge than their older siblings. Sigh. They see so so much. My easy child has truly seen what a life of drugs has to offer and he couldn't be less interested. My son is almost 16 and has not even tried a cigarette! Thank heavens!! He wants NOTHING to do with anything his sister did. He REALLY flourished after she left. We ALL did.

    I hope your husband realizes you did what you had to. None of us want to let them fly - but we need to....
     
  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Rosepress, you did a great job at making clear why you were making him leave and what he has to do if he ever wanted to live with you again.

    The hard part might still be ahead. You may get calls begging you to let him come home. He'll make all kinds of promises that he won't follow through with if you give in. I would make rehab and a sober living facility part of any chance of moving back home with you.

    ~Kathy
     
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