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Rough night
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 630586" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Reading this thread reminds me so much of me. Even now, I've slowed to a trickle, but it used to be a full blown RIVER of "assistance."</p><p></p><p>I would see help wanted signs in the windows of stores and tell difficult child about them. I would cut out ads out of the paper. If people told me they were hiring, I'd write down the name and number of the place. </p><p></p><p>As difficult child progressed in his disease, I didn't want my name associated with any job he was trying to get. He has been fired from SO MANY jobs now. I just wouldn't do that to any friend or acquaintance---suggest they hire difficult child---not right now or any time soon that I can even imagine.</p><p></p><p>I used to have all kinds of helpful ideas for him. He oughta do this. Why not that? If he would do 1, 2, 3, see it's easy, difficult child, then you can solve that problem. </p><p></p><p>None of it was helpful. He would look and listen and nod and then....go off and do whatever HE wanted to do, which in many cases, was nothing. Oh, he has had a lot of jobs but he now hasn't work anywhere at all since last spring---over a year ago. </p><p></p><p>And you know what...he has survived, somehow, between jail, homeless and rehab. Amazing how resilient they are and how well they CAN survive without jobs, without money from us, without much of anything. </p><p></p><p>Today, when I find that I'm asking difficult child questions, I know already I'm in trouble. Today, he was texting me asking me to bring boxers and t-shirts to the day shelter. He said he had been wearing the same pair of boxer shorts for 5 days.</p><p></p><p>I thought (but didn't say), well why aren't you washing your clothes at the day shelter? But I didn't say it. </p><p></p><p>I said, I have no boxers here (didn't offer to buy any) but I do have the t-shirts. I can drop them off tomorrow. </p><p></p><p>I am going to drop them off in an envelope with his name on it tomorrow morning.</p><p></p><p>So....I'm thinking....what is going on with getting a job? What is going on with finding a place to live? What is going on with going to rehab? </p><p></p><p>it's now been 2 weeks and one day since he got out of jail. SO always says---we'll know if anything's changed within 2 weeks of him getting out of jail.</p><p></p><p>I have thought this time I sensed and heard a difference, but I'm starting to think now....not. </p><p></p><p>Okay, I did get my hopes up a little bit---not much---but I'm settling back down into what IS. And also realizing that he will likely get arrested again if he doesn't make a change---oh, within another 30 days. That's usually how long it lasts---40 to 50 days. </p><p></p><p>That's really too bad, but it is what it is. He has choices he can make. It is completely up to him. </p><p></p><p>I am not going to intervene. I am not going to offer a litany of ideas. I am not going to ask a bunch of questions. I am going to be supportive, encouraging and .....keep my distance. Pleasant and helpful with the things I can do and want to do.</p><p></p><p>His birthday is coming up in 17 days. I am going to open an account and put some money into it and that is going to be what i do for Christmas too. That way, I am giving him what I normally would but it's for later. </p><p></p><p>I will see him on that day if it works out.</p><p></p><p>I continue to make progress at letting go of him completely. Your stories help me. Your struggles help me. I identify with you all and I know the road we are on. It is a hard road, but today, I feel okay. I feel like I am really doing okay. </p><p></p><p>I pray for him and hope he is safe and hope he finds something inside himself that gives him the strength to make that change he needs to make. But if he doesn't, I can accept it. At least for today. </p><p></p><p>I am at peace tonight. I feel okay with myself and what is. It is a good place to be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 630586, member: 17542"] Reading this thread reminds me so much of me. Even now, I've slowed to a trickle, but it used to be a full blown RIVER of "assistance." I would see help wanted signs in the windows of stores and tell difficult child about them. I would cut out ads out of the paper. If people told me they were hiring, I'd write down the name and number of the place. As difficult child progressed in his disease, I didn't want my name associated with any job he was trying to get. He has been fired from SO MANY jobs now. I just wouldn't do that to any friend or acquaintance---suggest they hire difficult child---not right now or any time soon that I can even imagine. I used to have all kinds of helpful ideas for him. He oughta do this. Why not that? If he would do 1, 2, 3, see it's easy, difficult child, then you can solve that problem. None of it was helpful. He would look and listen and nod and then....go off and do whatever HE wanted to do, which in many cases, was nothing. Oh, he has had a lot of jobs but he now hasn't work anywhere at all since last spring---over a year ago. And you know what...he has survived, somehow, between jail, homeless and rehab. Amazing how resilient they are and how well they CAN survive without jobs, without money from us, without much of anything. Today, when I find that I'm asking difficult child questions, I know already I'm in trouble. Today, he was texting me asking me to bring boxers and t-shirts to the day shelter. He said he had been wearing the same pair of boxer shorts for 5 days. I thought (but didn't say), well why aren't you washing your clothes at the day shelter? But I didn't say it. I said, I have no boxers here (didn't offer to buy any) but I do have the t-shirts. I can drop them off tomorrow. I am going to drop them off in an envelope with his name on it tomorrow morning. So....I'm thinking....what is going on with getting a job? What is going on with finding a place to live? What is going on with going to rehab? it's now been 2 weeks and one day since he got out of jail. SO always says---we'll know if anything's changed within 2 weeks of him getting out of jail. I have thought this time I sensed and heard a difference, but I'm starting to think now....not. Okay, I did get my hopes up a little bit---not much---but I'm settling back down into what IS. And also realizing that he will likely get arrested again if he doesn't make a change---oh, within another 30 days. That's usually how long it lasts---40 to 50 days. That's really too bad, but it is what it is. He has choices he can make. It is completely up to him. I am not going to intervene. I am not going to offer a litany of ideas. I am not going to ask a bunch of questions. I am going to be supportive, encouraging and .....keep my distance. Pleasant and helpful with the things I can do and want to do. His birthday is coming up in 17 days. I am going to open an account and put some money into it and that is going to be what i do for Christmas too. That way, I am giving him what I normally would but it's for later. I will see him on that day if it works out. I continue to make progress at letting go of him completely. Your stories help me. Your struggles help me. I identify with you all and I know the road we are on. It is a hard road, but today, I feel okay. I feel like I am really doing okay. I pray for him and hope he is safe and hope he finds something inside himself that gives him the strength to make that change he needs to make. But if he doesn't, I can accept it. At least for today. I am at peace tonight. I feel okay with myself and what is. It is a good place to be. [/QUOTE]
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